Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter Quotes

Jimmy: Ted. I think... I think when we get to town I should call Betty.

Ted: Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dead fuck thing to do. Look, first rule of love: never get rejected by the same girl twice. I mean, that's useless. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.

Jimmy: I don't know anyone new.

Ted: Well, sex is a great way to meet them.

Ted: And Jimbo, don't be such a dead fuck.

Jimmy: I told you... I told you that I didn't like that.

Ted: Let me put this into the ol' computer.

Jimmy: Ted, I'm serious about this.

Ted: Hey, the computer don't lie.

Sara: I'm going upstairs.

Doug: Are you tired?

Sara: No.

[pause]

Sara: Do you mind sleeping in the bottom bunk tonight?

Doug: Why, you wanna sleep in the top?

Sara: No.

Officer Jamison: [on TV news] But to answer your question, yes, the man responsible for the murders in Wessex County this past week is at this moment in the Wessex County Medical Center morgue.

Axel: [to Jason's body] Hey. That's you they're talking about on TV, pal.

Axel: [Nurse Morgan starts to leave] Hey, hey. Where you going?

Nurse Morgan: I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm going crazy!

Tommy: [after watching the teens skinny-dipping] Some pack of patootsies, huh?

Trish: Tommy!

Jimmy: Hey, Ted, where's... where's that, uh, that corkscrew? That fancy corkscrew for the wine bottle? Ted? Hey! Ted! Ted! Hey, Ted, where the hell is the corkscrew?

[Jason shoves it into Jimmy's hand]

Mrs. Jarvis: Someone left the front door open again.

Tommy: We're in the country.

Mrs. Jarvis: Well, what happens if a psycho wanders in?

Trish: He'd probably challenge him to a game of Zaxxon.

Nurse Morgan: [lights click off] Get lost, Axel. I'm busy. I've had more than enough of you for one night.

[pause]

Nurse Morgan: Read my lips, leave me alone! AAH!

[Jason grabs her, props her against a wall, and guts her with a scalpel]

Axel: You got the curse?

Nurse Morgan: If I do, you're it!

Trish: [in the house with Jason] Tommy! Tommy, get the hell outta here!

[Jason appears. Trish then holds him off with the machete]

Trish: You son of a bitch! I'll give ya something to remember us by.

Samantha: Come on, Sara. Strip and dip.

Sara: Sam, I said no.

Samantha: Well then, I'm gonna go under and stay under until you do.

[Rob nearly attacks Trish by mistake]

Rob: What the hell are you doing here?

Trish: What are you trying to do, kill me?

Doug: Sara, I think I'm in heaven.

Sara: I think I'm in love.

Rob: Jason's body has disappeared from the morgue.

Trish: It was stolen.

Rob: It was not stolen. Two people at the hospital are missing. Is this coincidence? He's alive.

Vincent: Is this your last?

Axel: Got one more over there. A real cute girl.

Vincent: Was.

Axel: [looks at the body] She still is. All you gotta do is go over there and take off...

Lainie: [disgusted] Ohh.

Vincent: Nice talk, real nice talk. I get the top copy.

Lainie: Take care, Axel.

Vincent: [looks at Jason's body] This the guy that's been leaving the wet stuff?

Officer Jamison: Yeah. This time he got seven kids and three bikers. This time they got him.

Axel: I'm free, doll.

Nurse Morgan: And a bargain at twice the price.

Axel: Hey. What's the matter?

Nurse Morgan: I have a headache, Axel. For you, I always have a headache.

Axel: Oh, I can fix that. Meet me in the cold room. I'm closing up for the night. What do you say? Okay?

Nurse Morgan: Axel, I am not going to fake any more orgasms for you.

Jimmy: [shows Tina's panties] Why don't you run this through your computer, Teddy Bear?

Ted: Hey, congratulations, Jimbo.

Ted: You broke up with "BJ" Betty?

Jimmy: So to speak. And would you lay off her? She's all right!

Ted: I'll say she's all right. That girl wanted to be treated right! You should have treated her *right*!

Jimmy: I did! I treated her right! I treated her right, that's what's driving me so crazy. I mean, first she would tell me to call because she had something else she needed to do. Then she wouldn't even take my calls! I mean, can you figure that? What the fuck happened?

Ted: Let me put it into the ol' computer.

Jimmy: No, Ted, I'm serious.

Ted: Hey, the computer don't lie. Let's see...

[imitates using a computer, pauses, then smiles]

Jimmy: What?

Ted: It says... it says you're a dead fuck.

Jimmy: What? A dead fuck?

Ted: A lousy lay, you know...

[limps his wrist]

Ted: A limp dick.

Jimmy: Oh! Don't hold back on me, doc, give it to me straight!

Ted: I did not say it; the computer did!

Jimmy: Yeah, well, there is no computer!

Ted: Aha! And there's no Betty, either.

Jimmy: And I'm a dead fuck?

Ted: Like I said, the computer don't lie.

Jimmy: [sighs] God, I'm horny...

Sara: I don't know how you do it.

Samantha: I don't know how you don't.

Sara: I mean... you do it with everybody.

Samantha: Oh, I do not. I do it with Paul.

Sara: Really?

Samantha: Come on, Sara. I mean, you know how guys are. They lie about that all the time. They say that about everybody.

Sara: They don't say anything about me. I mean, I don't have...

Samantha: Ah ha ha... a reputation?

Sara: I didn't say that.

Samantha: Look, I got my reputation in the 6th grade.

Sara: What does Paul think?

Samantha: Paul thinks I'm great in bed, so that's where I keep him.

[repeated line]

Ted: Dead fuck.

[after meeting twins Tina and Terri]

Ted: [to Jimmy] Two of 'em. Two. Count 'em. One, two.