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Walt Koontz: I can't do it!
Rusty Zimmerman: Yeah? Well "can't" lives on "won't" street.
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Cha-Cha: I shot my best friend in the tit with my cufflink!
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Rusty Zimmerman: It costs a lot to look this cheap.
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Rusty Zimmerman: Oh yeah? Well life's a bitch, so I became one, honey!
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Rusty Zimmerman: God Bless you and Fuck Off.
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Rusty Zimmerman: You're ashamed of us, but we're not ashamed of you. As long as you go down on your Banana Republican knees and suck dick, you're my sisters, and I love you. And fuck off!
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EMS Technician: [entering ambulance] Oh I'm sorry, relatives only.
Rusty Zimmerman: I'm his sister.
Walt Koontz: ...He's my sister.
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Rusty Zimmerman: Poor me, poor me, pour me another.
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Rusty Zimmerman: Darling, I am more man than you will ever be, and more woman than you will ever get.
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Rusty Zimmerman: [opens door] Oh let me guesss, a Jehovah's Witness?
Walt Koontz: I was wondering, uh if I could pay you for singing lessons?
Rusty Zimmerman: Oh hahaha, oh, honey,
[sudden serious voice]
Rusty Zimmerman: I'd rather suck Hitler's dead dick.
[slams door]
Walt Koontz: [shouts through door] I bet you already did!
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Rusty Zimmerman: [singing can be heard from Rusty's open window] Yeah, gitchi gitchi ya ya da da, gitchi gitchi ya ya here, mocha chocolata ya ya...
Walt Koontz: [shouts out the window] Hey! Hei! Shut the fuckin' window or shut the fuck up!
Rusty Zimmerman: [Really fast] You shut you'r fuckin' window!
Walt Koontz: Fuckin' faggots!
Rusty Zimmerman: The gay community thanks you for your support, fucker!
Walt Koontz: Fuck you and the gay community!
Rusty Zimmerman: Fuck you and your "Lets get married, have kids and beat up the fuckin' dog" community, Fucker!
Rusty Zimmerman: [singing really loud out of the window] Go sister, go sister, go sister, hei sister go sister, go sister...
Walt Koontz: Fuckin' demented fuckin' fruitcakes!
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Drag queen: [fight breaks out, Drag Queen yells into walkie-talkie] I need some butch faggots over here!
[fight continues]
Drag queen: I need some dykes!
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Walt Koontz: You pay for sex?
Rusty Zimmerman: Honey, there's no romance without finance.
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Rusty Zimmerman: I left sensitivity back in the sand pile.
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Walt Koontz: She took everything. Everything. The dog, everything.
Rusty Zimmerman: Honey, you should have gotten another dog.
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Walt Koontz: How can a man cut off his balls, how do you do that?
Rusty Zimmerman: Because, I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.
Walt Koontz: Eh, you're ain't no woman.
Rusty Zimmerman: I'm just not *your* idea of a woman, Walt.
Walt Koontz: You're nobody's idea of a woman.
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Cha-Cha: [about The Hunchback of Notre-Dame] It's about this guy who's really mis-shapen. Even worse than you.
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Rusty Zimmerman: You're a big hero, you know.
Walt Koontz: I'm not a big hero, I'm... I'm scared.
Rusty Zimmerman: Well, what could you be scared of, huh? What's the worst fear, that you'll fall in the street? That someone'll make fun of you? I mean, what?
Walt Koontz: That no one will want to sleep with me anymore.
Rusty Zimmerman: Guess what, somebody won't.
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Leonard Wilcox: Do you know the phrase, "two closed ears and one closed mouth"? Well, that's my motto and I follow it. To hear noting. To See nothing. To speak nothing.
Walt Koontz: Eh, I don't care what goes on in this rat-trap. Who do you think you're kidding, you got the biggest ears, the biggest nose, and the biggest mouth of anybody I ever met. Which makes you the biggest asshole...
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Walt Koontz: I'm not as stupid as you think I am.
Rusty Zimmerman: Honey, you could never be as stupid as I think you are.
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Rusty Zimmerman: I'm an artist, you know?
Walt Koontz: Bullshit. You're a fucking drag queen.
Rusty Zimmerman: Let me savour those lovely words for a moment. What are you, channeling Jesse Helms?
Walt Koontz: Don't be so sensitive. You can take a dick - you can take an insult.
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Rusty Zimmerman: [My mother] was a victim, you know? Sweet, you know, but a victim. A reformed drunk, on her knees at church begging, you know, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, and every goddamn saint in Heaven to forgive her for giving birth to Cruella De Fag, you know. Being a slave to my father before he died. You would have loved each other. He thought Archie Bunker was a flaming liberal.
Flawless Quotes
Extended Reading
