Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars Quotes

[from trailer]

Scorpius: This is insane, Crichton.

John Crichton: Four years on and your finally gettin' that?

John Crichton: Check it out!

[holding a snowball in his hand]

John Crichton: This is your universe. This, is your universe on wormholes.

[crushes snowball in his hand]

Commandant Mele-on-Grayza: You will not go through with this.

John Crichton: I ALREADY HAVE!

Emperor Staleek: I agree. You are weak, you will not sacrifice the woman and your offspring.

Aeryn Sun: Our son will be raised in peace.

John Crichton: Amen. You hear that you bastards. All or nothing.

[pause]

John Crichton: Wormhole doubles two more times, Moya goes first, 20 seconds later you join us. Either way this war is over. Peace.

Stark: I'll take your pain.

Ka D'Argo: No, pain is good. Means I'm alive.

Stark: Then let me help you to the other side.

Ka D'Argo: Frell, Stark. This is the other side. I was hoping to go back.

John Crichton: I have to protect the people I love. And you owe me for putting that crap in my head.

Einstein: It may soon be prudent to remove it.

John Crichton: Amen. I wanna be blonde again.

Aeryn Sun: John! You went there, didn't you?

John Crichton: I went the whole way there.

Aeryn Sun: I didn't want you to do that.

John Crichton: Yes, you did. Everybody wants to see the great big wormhole weapon.

Aeryn Sun: No, I want to see war turned into peace.

John Crichton: War and Peace, War and Peace. Did you know that Woody Allen's version is better than Tolstoy's? Because it is funnier and absolute power corrupts, absolutely. Where the hell's my pen? Where's my pen?

Aeryn Sun: This is what you want!

John Crichton: No, Aeryn it is not what I want! It's just that fate keeps blocking all the exits! And no matter what I do I just keep circling closer to the flame!

Aeryn Sun: Then pull back. This war is not your responsibility.

John Crichton: You and the baby are my responsibility. And how am I supposed to protect you from the Peacekeepers and the Scarrans and the Tragans and the lions, tigers and bears? With this? Winona? This gun? No gun is big enough.

Aeryn Sun: We still have Stark and the Eidelons.

John Crichton: It's not enough.

[gesturing to his notebook]

John Crichton: This is enough. Wormholes. What's inside my head. This is ugly and it is malignant. But it will protect you and the baby.

Aeryn Sun: Ah, but you see. You don't just protect me, we protect each other.

Scorpius: Crichton, you possess it, don't you?

John Crichton: Don't touch me!

Scorpius: The secret to victory, the violent path to peace.

Voice of Pilot: This will be used as a weapon, against others?

John Crichton: Worst case scenario, yeah.

Voice of Pilot: If I understand correctly, it has the power to kill tens of thousands.

John Crichton: For starters.

Voice of Pilot: Are you capable of using this?

John Crichton: Yes.

Voice of Pilot: Then I don't know you as I thought.

[Crichton aims his pistol at Pilot]

Voice of Pilot: So you'll be starting with me then?

John Crichton: Someone puts a gun to your head, Pilot. What do you do? What do you do? You defend yourself. And that is why we have to build this.

Voice of Pilot: No one has a weapon pointed to your head.

John Crichton: Oh, God, Pilot! Everybody's got a weapon pointed at my head!

Voice of Pilot: There are other options.

John Crichton: Well, why don't you explain that to the tens of millions of people who will die in the meantime!

Voice of Pilot: Is that truly your concern? Or is it Aeryn and your unborn offspring that you wish to protect?

John Crichton: That's my family, Pilot. Everything begins with family.

Maryk: Where the hezmana in my orders did you find the phrase "pre-emptive attack"?

Scorpius: The Scarrans are massing for an impending onslaught we all know is coming. A conflict we are ill-situated to win. By challenging them before they are prepared at least we have a fighting chance.

Maryk: You were sent there to gather surveillance and?

Scorpius: With all due respect, sir, I was sent here to perish at the vanguard of this inevitable conflict. I simply refuse to participate on their terms or yours.

Maryk: Because of your actions, the Scarran Empire has declared war against us. Do you know what that means, Scorpius? We are now officially engaged in the last war of our era! Congratulations.

Scorpius: So, how have you been, Crichton?

John Crichton: I'm good, Bob. You? The wife? The kids?

Scorpius: Busy.

John Crichton: Yeah, I hear business is booming.

Scorpius: You are right. The Scarrans and Peacekeepers are at war, and the Scarrans will prevail unless you help us to build a wormhole weapon.

John Crichton: Gee, that all sounds reasonable, Bob. Only two problems. No matter what you may believe I can't do it. And just as important - I don't think that the Peacekeepers are any better than the Scarrans. So make sure you validate your parking on the way out.

Scorpius: You will find no serenity during this conflict, Crichton. Examine your choices.

John Crichton: You are not listening. Wormholes: no! Weapons: no! Killing: no! Crichton: no.

Rygel XVI: [Rygel is accidentally carrying Aeryn's child] I want this thing removed immediately!

John Crichton: It's not a thing!

Rygel XVI: Fine. I want this miracle of life the frell out of me!

John Crichton: [a Peacekeeper Marauder has tracked down the crew of Moya] You know who it's gonna be, don't ya?

Ka D'Argo: I know who it is.

John Crichton: Bet me. C'mon D, bet me. How much?

Ka D'Argo: You're on your own my friend.

Scorpius: [Exiting the ship] Hello, John!

John Crichton: Easy money.

Ka D'Argo: [Chiana has found the weak points in Staleek's ship] Excellent. I'll be able to stop them cold with three perfect shots.

Chiana: Why three? You usually slay me with just one.

Emperor Staleek: [Staleek has saved Rygel from an attempted execution] You will die when I order it.

Rygel XVI: Okay.

John Crichton: You're the closest friend I have.

Ka D'Argo: You could have done better.

John Crichton: Not in the entire universe.

John Crichton: [John is about to activate the wormhole weapon] Do you want to see it? Do you want to see what you've been chasing me and my family for years for? Do you want to see a wormhole weapon?

Scorpius: Yes.

John Crichton: Beg.

Scorpius: I beg you.

John Crichton: It's not good enough. Say "please."

Scorpius: Please.

John Crichton: Pretty please...

Scorpius: -Pretty please.

John Crichton: With a cherry on top...

Scorpius: -With a cherry on top.

John Crichton: Happy Birthday. Now get out of my sight.

John Crichton: Can I help?

Aeryn Sun: Oh, you've done enough already. You know if this was a sebecean child, a pure one, it would've been born long ago. So how long will this take?

John Crichton: On earth, it could take days.

Aeryn Sun: What? I have killed men for less.

[Crichton tries to put his hand over Aeryn's, she slaps it away]

John Crichton: [Crichton carries off Chiana] The first Scarran you see, you tell him who his daddy is! YOU TELL HIM D'ARGO!

Ka D'Argo: [later after everyone else has left, and the Scarrans have arrived] I'M YOUR DADDY!

John Crichton: All right, be careful.

Aeryn Sun: I'm pregnant, not incapacitated, John.

Rygel XVI: [to Jool about John and Aeryn] Back off, dreadlocks, they're having *my* baby.

Joolushko Tunai Fenta Hovalis: [Looking at Crichton] Baby?

Jothee: Stark is now our number one priority.

Rygel XVI: Stark? How's that for an inversion of normalcy?

Rygel XVI: [Rygel is preforming John and Aeryn's wedding on Moya's Command] I've traveled with the two of you for quite a while now. Knowing you since you first met... over the cycles, there have been times when it looked like you were going to kill each other, other times we couldn't have gotten you off each other with a Chelsyk fire hose.

[chuckles]

Rygel XVI: Sounds like a marriage to me. So, upon my pronouncement, may these two be joined as one and ever more, let nothing come between them.

Aeryn Sun: D'Argo, we'll protect neural cluster. Chiana, Sikozu, you go find Pikal and Katar and keep them safe.

Stark: What? What about me?

Aeryn Sun: How best can you help?

Stark: I can stay out of your way.

Aeryn Sun: Excellent.

[from trailer]

War Minister Akhna: I promise you, you will never be re-united with your baby.

Aeryn Sun: I'm sure your mother wished for the same thing.

Einstein: Time.

John Crichton: Flies.

Einstein: Time.

John Crichton: Bandits.

Einstein: Time.

John Crichton: Wounds all heels.

Einstein: Time.

John Crichton: [sings] Rosemary and...

Einstein: Time.

John Crichton: Time ends.

John Crichton: [to Harvey about Scorpius] You be sure to give him this message.

[the camera pans out to show the note that Crichton wrote, and while Harvey blocks a good portion of the first word, you can make out the letter "F" and that the second word is "Off"]

Aeryn Sun: Oh! Can you hear that? That's just the sound of a DRD.

[Moya groans]

Aeryn Sun: And that's the sound of our ship Moya under pressure. And this is the sound of an AKR maximum load ammo pack being chambered into a full grade full range pulse pistol.

[hearing shots, Aeryn contacts John over the radio]

Aeryn Sun: Who's taking fire?

John Crichton: Huh. Who isn't?

Aeryn Sun: Are you all right?

John Crichton: Well, other than being shot at by the Electric Mayhem... I'm fantastic!

John Crichton: Aeryn, we have to get ready.

[Hands Aeryn a knife. Aeryn aims it at her stomach]

Aeryn Sun: Great! I'll cut it out!

[John grabs her wrist]

John Crichton: No! It's for your clothes... and the cord.

[Lets go of her wrist]

Aeryn Sun: Oh, right.

John Crichton: The baby is breach.

Chiana: I can't birth her narl. I don't want a narl. I hate narls. I'm still a narl myself.

John Crichton: You helped Moya give birth.

Chiana: I blew out a wall and three tiers!

Aeryn Sun: I concur.

John Crichton: The baby's head is *up*. It has to be *down*. Don't make any structural changes.

Chiana: [Chiana is nearly hysterical after D'Argo's death, and is talking to Chricton] Hey, come here. Kill the frelling sledgeknots. And kill their mothers, too. An-and if you can kill 'em slowly, do it.

Rygel XVI: Back off, Chiana.

Chiana: [lunges at Rygel and grabs his clothing] Keep away! D'Argo's dead. Do you think I frelling care what I do to *you*?

Rygel XVI: [looks into her eyes for a second] Yes.

Jothee: [Rygel's crying while Chiana tries to feed Stark. Pointing to Rygel] I don't remember him being like this.

Chiana: Nobody does.

[turns to Rygel]

Chiana: Toad, what's with the waterworks?

Rygel XVI: [crying] I miss the baby.

Jothee: What baby? He had a baby?

Chiana: It's kind of a twisted story.

Stark: [Speaks but acts like he's not completely there] It's a chemical imbalance in his system from carrying the child. He will recover... eventually.

Jothee: [after rescuing D'Argo and Chiana] Father.

[D'Argo punches Jothee]

Jothee: Not quite the Luxan greeting, but...

Ka D'Argo: What are you doing here?

Jothee: Right now? Saving your life.

Ka D'Argo: Thanks.

John Crichton: [trying to hand a weapon to Stark] Feel like killing someone?

Stark: Grrrrr!

John Crichton: Okay, maybe not.

[Jothee learns of D'argo's death]

Jothee: Did he suffer?

Chiana: Are you kidding? THEY suffered.

John Crichton: [after creating the wormhole weapon and taunting Staleek and Grayza over the comm] Unbelievable, no one has anything to say.

Rygel XVI: [the wormhole expands again] How big is that thing gonna get?

John Crichton: Big.

John Crichton: [the wormhole keeps expanding] OK, boy and girls, here are the rules. Find a penny, pick it up. Double it, you got two pennies. Double it again, four. Double it twenty-seven times and you've got a million dollars and the IRS... all over your ass. Round and round and round it goes. Where it stops no one knows. But it all adds up... quick!

Stark: What about me?

Aeryn Sun: How can you best help?

Stark: I can stay out of your way.

Aeryn Sun: Excellent.