Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Quotes

[Porpentina Goldstein sees Newt Scamander close the case as she walks in]

Porpentina Goldstein: It was open?

Newt Scamander: Just a smidge.

[from trailer]

Porpentina Goldstein: You wiped his memory, right? The No-Maj.

Newt Scamander: The what?

Porpentina Goldstein: No magic. The non-wizard!

Newt Scamander: Sorry. We call them Muggles.

[from trailer]

Gnarlack: So you're the guy with the case full of monsters, huh?

Newt Scamander: News travels fast.

Seraphina Picquery: He was responsible for the death of a No-Maj. He risked the exposure of our community. He has broken one of our most sacred laws...

Percival Graves: A law that has us scuttling like rats in the gutter! A law that demands we conceal our true nature! A law that directs those under its dominion to cower in fear lest we risk discovery! I ask you, Madam President, I ask all of you... Who does this law protect? Us? Or them?

[smiles bitterly]

Percival Graves: I refuse to bow down any longer.

Jacob Kowalski: [yells to Newt while holding an egg that Newt lost] Hey! Mr. English Guy! I think your egg is hatching.

[Newt pulls Jacob forward with his wand and transports them to an isolated place]

[from trailer]

Porpentina Goldstein: Mr. Scamander, do you know anything about the wizarding community in America? We don't like things loose.

Jacob Kowalski: Uh, Mr. Scamander?

Newt Scamander: Oh, call me Newt.

Jacob Kowalski: Newt. I don't think I'm dreaming.

Newt Scamander: [mildly amused] What gave it away?

Jacob Kowalski: I ain't got the brains to make this up.

Percival Graves: You're an interesting man, Mr. Scamander.

Porpentina Goldstein: Mr. Graves...

Percival Graves: [silences her with a finger] You were thrown out of Hogwarts for endangering human life...

Newt Scamander: That was an accident.

Percival Graves: ...with a beast. Yet one of your teachers argued strongly against your expulsion. Now... what makes Albus Dumbledore... so fond of you?

Customs Official: First trip to New York?

Newt Scamander: Yes.

Customs Official: Anything edible in there?

Newt Scamander: No.

Customs Official: Livestock?

[a creature in his suitcase opens one of its latches]

Newt Scamander: Must get that fixed. Um... No.

Customs Official: Let me take a look.

[Newt moves a latch on his suitcase that switches it to "Muggle Worthy"]

Customs Official: [Customs Official opens up Newt's suitcase and we see it contains his clothes]

Customs Official: Welcome to New York.

Witness: And it was like a... Like a wind. Or like a... Like a ghost. But dark. And... I saw its eyes. Shining white eyes.

Reporter: A dark wind... with eyes?

Witness: It's like a dark mass. And it dove down there. Down underground.

Queenie: [referring to Newt and Jacob] Teenie, you brought men home.

Porpentina Goldstein: Gentlemen, this is my sister. Wanna put something on, Queenie?

Queenie: Oh, sure.

[Queenie has a dress float over and puts it on while Jacob watches]

Queenie: So, who are they?

Porpentina Goldstein: That's Mr. Scamander. He's committed a *serious* infraction of the National Statute of *Secrecy*.

Queenie: He's a criminal?

Porpentina Goldstein: Uh-huh. And that's Mr. Kowalski. He's a No-Maj.

Queenie: A No-Maj?

[whispers]

Queenie: Teen, what are you up to?

Porpentina Goldstein: He's sick. It's a long story. Mr. Scamander has lost something I'm going to help him find.

Newt Scamander: I need to get going. Find everyone who's escaped before they get hurt.

Jacob Kowalski: Before *they* get hurt?

Newt Scamander: Yes, Mr. Kowalski. For they're currently in alien terrain surrounded by millions of the most vicious creatures on the planet:

[pauses]

Newt Scamander: humans.

Newt Scamander: [hands Jacob a helmet] Put this on.

Jacob Kowalski: But why would I have to wear something like this?

Newt Scamander: Because your skull is susceptible to breakage under immense force.

Jacob Kowalski: You, uh, you know how to read minds?

Queenie: Oh, don't worry, honey. Most guys think what you was thinking first time they see me.

Jacob Kowalski: [standing at the apparently empty bar] How does a guy get a drink in this joint?

[a bottle pops off the shelf and flies into his hand]

Bartender: [behind the bar] What? Ain't you ever seen a house-elf before?

Jacob Kowalski: [covering] Oh, no, no, of course I have. I love house-elves. My uncle's a house elf.

Bartender: [scoffs] Yeah...

Mary Lou: Are you a seeker? A seeker after truth?

Newt Scamander: I'm more of a chaser, really.

[as a Billywig zips around them]

Porpentina Goldstein: What was that?

Newt Scamander: Uh, moth, I think. Big moth.

Jacob Kowalski: [talking to himself] What did you do today, Jacob?

[laughs]

Jacob Kowalski: I was inside a suitcase.

Newt Scamander: People like you, don't they, Mr. Kowalski?

Jacob Kowalski: Oh. Well, I'm, uh, I'm sure people like you, too, huh?

Newt Scamander: Not really, no. I annoy people.

Jacob Kowalski: What, you're not gonna Obliviate me?

Queenie: Of course not. You're one of us now.

Newt Scamander: Pickett? Come on, give me a smile. Pickett, give me a...

[Pickett blows a respberry]

Mr. Abernathy: Queenie! Where you going?

Queenie: I, uh... I'm sick, Mr. Abernathy.

[fake cough]

Mr. Abernathy: Again?

Jacob Kowalski: Did... Did you say school? Is there a school? A wizardry school here in, uh, America?

Queenie: Of course. Ilvermorny. It's only *the* best wizard school *in* the whole world.

Newt Scamander: I think you'll find that the best wizarding school in the world is Hogwarts.

Queenie: [incredulous and semi-insulted] Hogwash.

Porpentina Goldstein: And you were just in Equatorial Guinea?

Newt Scamander: And I've just completed a year in the fields. I'm writing a book about magical creatures.

Porpentina Goldstein: Like an extermination guide?

Newt Scamander: No. A guide to help people understand why we should be protecting these creatures instead of killing them.

[first lines]

Newt Scamander: [whispers to his case] Dougal... settle down now, please.

[Dougal grumbles]

Newt Scamander: It won't be long.

Newt Scamander: [as he is strapping body protection on to Jacob] Now there's absolutely nothing for you to worry about.

Jacob Kowalski: Tell me, has anyone ever believed you when you told them not to worry?

Newt Scamander: Well, my philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.

Porpentina Goldstein: Madam President, I'm sorry to interrupt, but this is critical...

[looks around to all the people in the room]

Seraphina Picquery: You better have an excellent excuse for this intrusion, Ms. Goldstein.

Porpentina Goldstein: Yes. I do. Ma'am, yesterday a wizard entered New York with a case, this case, full of magical creatures. And, unfortunately, some have escaped.

Seraphina Picquery: He arrived yesterday?

[Tina nods]

Seraphina Picquery: You've known for twenty-four hours that an unregistered wizard set magical beasts loose in New York, and you see fit to tell us only when a man has been killed?

Porpentina Goldstein: Who's been killed?

Seraphina Picquery: Where is this man?

[Tina sets the case down, unlatches it and then knocks]

Porpentina Goldstein: Mr. Scamander, do you know, anything about the wizarding community in America?

Newt Scamander: I do know a few things, actually. I know that you have rather backwards laws about relations with non-magic people... That you're not meant to befriend them, that you can't marry them, which seems mildly absurd to me.

Percival Graves: So setting a pack of dangerous creatures loose here was just another accident, is that right?

Newt Scamander: Why would I do it deliberately?

Percival Graves: To expose wizardkind. To provoke war between the magical and non-magical worlds.

Newt Scamander: [scoffs] Mass slaughter for the greater good, you mean?

Percival Graves: Yes, quite.

Newt Scamander: I'm not one of Grindelwald's fanatics, Mr Graves.

Jacob Kowalski: [about to lose his memory] Hey. This is for the best. Yeah. I-I was... I was never even supposed to be here. I was never supposed to know... a-any of this. Everybody knows Newt only kept me around because... Hey, Newt, why did you keep me around?

Newt Scamander: Because I like you. Because you're my friend. And I'll never forget how you helped me, Jacob.

Newt Scamander: [Newt has captured his Niffler by using a spell that causes it to get stuck to a "jellied" window. Newt is now pulling the Niffler off the window] One down...

[unsticks the Niffler just as the "No-Maj" police arrive]

Newt Scamander: Two to go!

[Credence has just revealed that he is the Obscurous's host by making the walls crumble, much to the shock of Graves]

Percival Graves: Credence. I owe you an apology.

Credence Barebone: I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were different.

Percival Graves: You can control it. Credence.

Credence Barebone: [darkly] I don't think I want to, Mr. Graves.

[With an inhuman growl, Credence transforms into the Obscurous and wrecks havoc around New York City]

Porpentina Goldstein: [Newt prepares to wipe Jacob's memory] You can't Obliviate him. We need him as a witness.

Newt Scamander: I'm sorry, you just yelled at me the length of New York for not doing it in the first place.

Newt Scamander: You're a Legilimens?

Queenie: Mmm. Yeah. But I always have trouble with your kind. Brits. It's the accent.

Porpentina Goldstein: Graves always insisted the disturbances were caused by a beast. We need to catch all your creatures so he can't keep using them as a scapegoat.

Newt Scamander: There's only one still missing. Dougal, my Demiguise.

Porpentina Goldstein: [amused] Dougal?

Newt Scamander: Slight problem is that, um, he's invisible.

Porpentina Goldstein: Invisible?

Newt Scamander: Yes. Most of the time. He does, um...

Porpentina Goldstein: How do you catch something...

Newt Scamander: With immense difficulty.

Newt Scamander: You can tell me to mind my business, but I saw something in that death potion back there. I saw you hugging that Second Salem boy.

Porpentina Goldstein: His name's Credence. His mother beats him. She beats all those kids she's adopted, but she seems to hate him the most.

Newt Scamander: And she was the No-Maj you attacked?

Porpentina Goldstein: That's how I lost my job. I went for her in front of a meeting of her crazy followers. They all had to be Obliviated. It was a big scandal.

Porpentina Goldstein: [about Kowalski] He's hurt! He looks ill.

Newt Scamander: He'll be fine. Murtlap bites aren't serious.

[Jacob groans and doesn't look well]

Newt Scamander: [getting concerned] Yeah, I admit that is a slightly more severe reaction than I've seen. But if it was really serious, he'd have...

Porpentina Goldstein: What?

Newt Scamander: Well, the first symptom would be flames out of his anus.

Queenie: I'll come with you. We'll go somewhere. We'll go anywhere. See, I ain't never gonna find anyone like you.

Jacob Kowalski: There's loads like me.

Queenie: No. No. There's only one like you.

[last lines]

[Jacob Kowalski now has his own bakery, "Kowalski." He is surrounded by pastries which resemble the magical creatures he encountered on his journey with Newt Scamander]

Female Customer in Bakery: Where'd you get your ideas from, Mr. Kowalski?

Jacob Kowalski: I don't know. I don't know.

[chuckles]

Jacob Kowalski: They just come. Here you go. Don't forget this. Enjoy. Hey! Hendry.

[hands a staffer some keys]

Jacob Kowalski: Storage, all right? Thanks, pal.

[the doorbell jingles and Jacob turns to see an alluring woman. It's Queenie, who turns to smile at him. Though all his memory of her are supposed to be erased, something sparks in his eyes which may be recognition. He reaches to his neck where he was bitten by the Murtlap and smiles]

Jacob Kowalski: Can someone please tell me what this Obscurial... Obscurius thing is? Please?

Porpentina Goldstein: There hasn't been one for centuries.

Newt Scamander: I met one in Sudan three months ago. There used to be more of them, but they still exist. Before wizards went underground when we were still being hunted by Muggles, young wizards and witches sometimes tried to suppress their magic to avoid persecution. Instead of learning to harness or control their powers, they developed what was called an Obscurus.

Porpentina Goldstein: It's an unstable, uncontrollable dark force that busts out and attacks. And then vanishes. Obscurials can't survive long, can they?

Newt Scamander: There's no documented case of any Obscurial surviving past the age of ten. The one I met in Africa was eight when she... she was eight when she died.

Jacob Kowalski: [incredulous] What are you telling me here? That Senator Shaw was killed by a... by a kid?

[Newt and Tina say their goodbyes at New York Harbor]

Newt Scamander: Well... it's been...

Porpentina Goldstein: [laughing] Hasn't it?

[One of Newt's creatures saves Tina from the death cell, then flies around, blocking the pursuing Aurors' spells]

Porpentina Goldstein: [running] What *is* that thing?

Newt Scamander: [also running] Swooping Evil!

Porpentina Goldstein: [laughs] Well, I love it!

Queenie: Are all No-Majs like you?

Jacob Kowalski: [suave] No, I'm the only one like me.

[He knocks back a shot of Gigglewater, and immediately lets out a high-pitched bark of laughter]

Grindelwald: [mockingly] Do you think you can hold *me*?

Seraphina Picquery: We'll do our best, Mr. Grindelwald.

Jacob Kowalski: Sorry, Mr. Gnarlack...

[punches Gnarlack in the face, knocking him to the floor]

Jacob Kowalski: Reminds me of my foreman!

Credence Barebone: I'm sorry, Ma...

Mary Lou: [seething] I'm not your Ma! Your mother was a wicked, unnatural woman!

Jacob Kowalski: What brings you here?

Newt Scamander: Same as you.

Jacob Kowalski: You're here to get a loan to open up a bakery?

Newt Scamander: [distracted, looking for his Niffler] Yes.

Jacob Kowalski: What are the odds of that?

Jacob Kowalski: What the hell was that?

Newt Scamander: Nothing that need concern you. Now, unfortunately, you have seen far too much. So if you wouldn't mind, if you just stand there, this will be over in a jiffy.

Jacob Kowalski: Mm-hmm. Sure. Yeah. Okay.

[he whoops Newt with his suitcase and flees]

Jacob Kowalski: Sorry.

Newt Scamander: [holding his head in pain] Bugger.

Porpentina Goldstein: [both panting after whirling Scamander into a back alley with her wand] Who are you?

Newt Scamander: I'm sorry.

Porpentina Goldstein: Who are you?

Newt Scamander: Newt Scamander. And you are?

Porpentina Goldstein: What's that thing in your case?

Newt Scamander: That's my niffler... Say, you've got something on your...

[Goldstein recoils as he points to her face]

Porpentina Goldstein: Why in the name of Deliverance Dane did you let that thing loose?

Newt Scamander: I didn't mean to. He's incorrigible. You see, anything shiny, he's all over the place.

Porpentina Goldstein: You didn't mean to?

Newt Scamander: No.

Porpentina Goldstein: You could not have chosen a worse time to let that creature loose. We're in the middle of a situation here... I'm taking you in.

Porpentina Goldstein: What are you doing in New York, anyway?

Newt Scamander: I came to buy a birthday present.

Porpentina Goldstein: Couldn't you have done that in London?

Newt Scamander: No, there's only one breeder of Appaloosa Puffskeins in the world, and he lives in New York, so, no.

Porpentina Goldstein: [to a guard outside MACUSA] I got a Section 3-A.

[to Newt]

Porpentina Goldstein: Hey. By the way, we don't allow the breeding of magical creatures in New York. We closed that guy down a year ago.

Jacob Kowalski: I'm dreaming, right? I'm tired. I never went to the bank. This all just some big nightmare, right?

Porpentina Goldstein: For the both of us, Mr. Kowalski.

Percival Graves: [after Credence and his Obscurus has been seemingly killed by President Picquery and other Aurors] Credence. You fools. Do you realize what you've done?

Seraphina Picquery: The Obscurial was killed on my orders, Mr. Graves.

Percival Graves: Yes. And history will surely note that, Madam President. What was done here tonight was not right.

Seraphina Picquery: He was responsible for the death of a No-Maj. He risked the exposure of our community. He has broken one of our most sacred laws...

Percival Graves: A law that has us scuttling like rats in the gutter. A law that demands that we conceal our true nature. A law that directs those under its dominion to cower in fear, lest we risk discovery. I ask you, Madam President. I ask all of you... who does this law protect? Us?

[gesturing above to represent the No-Majs]

Percival Graves: Or them? I refuse to bow down any longer.

[attempts to leave]

Seraphina Picquery: Aurors, I'd like you to relieve Mr. Graves of his wand, and escort him back...

[a shield goes up in front of Graves, making him unable to leave]

Seraphina Picquery: [Graves uses his magic to disable the shield and block and cast spells at Aurors; though outnumbered, he takes them out one by one]

[Newt sends out his Swooping Evil, which manages to subdue Graves and hold him hostage]

Porpentina Goldstein: Accio!

[Graves's wand comes to her]

Newt Scamander: [points his wand at Graves] Revelio.

[slowly, Graves's face transforms into Gellert Grindelwald's, proving he is actually Grindelwald in disguise]

Grindelwald: [as Picquery approaches him] Do you think you can hold me?

Seraphina Picquery: We'll do our best, Mr. Grindelwald.

Grindelwald: [as he's being escorted out by Aurors; to Newt] Will we die, just a little?

Seraphina Picquery: [with a copy of the New York Ghost] The International Confederation is threatening to send a delegation. They think that this is related to Grindelwald's attacks in Europe.

Percival Graves: I was there. This is a beast. No human could do what this thing is capable of, Madam President.

Seraphina Picquery: Whatever it is, one thing is clear: it must be stopped. It's terrorizing No-Majs. And when No-Majs are afraid, they attack. This could mean exposure. It could mean war.

Seraphina Picquery: I made your position here quite clear, Ms. Goldestein.

Porpentina Goldstein: Yes, Madam President. But I...

Seraphina Picquery: You're no longer an Auror.

Porpentina Goldstein: No, Madam President, but...

Seraphina Picquery: Goldstein.

Porpentina Goldstein: There's been a minor...

Seraphina Picquery: This office is currently concerned with very major incidents. Get out.

Porpentina Goldstein: Yes, ma'am.

Mr. Abernathy: Goldstein?

[Tina hides under her desk]

Mr. Abernathy: Where is she? Where is she? Goldstein! Goldstein?

[she comes out]

Mr. Abernathy: Did you just butt in on the investigative team again? Where have you been?

Porpentina Goldstein: What?

Mr. Abernathy: Where'd she pick you up?

Newt Scamander: Me?

Mr. Abernathy: Have you been tracking them Second Salemers again?

Porpentina Goldstein: Of course not, sir.

Porpentina Goldstein: I can't believe you didn't Obliviate that man. If there's an inquiry, I'm finished.

Newt Scamander: So, why would you be finished? I'm the one that's...

Porpentina Goldstein: I'm not supposed to go near the Second Salemers.

Porpentina Goldstein: Mercy Lewis, what is that?

Newt Scamander: Nothing to worry about. That is a Murtlap.

Porpentina Goldstein: What else have you got in there?

Langdon Shaw: This is Mary Lou Barebone from the New Salem Preservation Society. And she's got a big story for you.

Shaw Senior: Oh, she has, has she?

Langdon Shaw: There's strange things going on all over the city. The people behind this, they are not like you and me. This is witchcraft. Don't you see?

Shaw Senior: Langdon.

Langdon Shaw: She doesn't want any money.

Shaw Senior: Then either her story is worthless or she's lying about the cost. Nobody gives away anything valuable for free, Langdon.

Mary Lou: You're right, Mr. Shaw. What we desire is infinitely more valuable than money. It's your influence. Millions of people read your newspapers, and they need to made aware about this danger.

Langdon Shaw: The crazy disturbances in the subway. Just look at the pictures.

Shaw Senior: I'd like you and your friends to leave.

Langdon Shaw: No. Look, you're... you're missing a trick here. Just look a the evidence!

Shaw Senior: Really?

Henry Shaw Jnr: Langdon. Listen to Father and just go. And... take the freaks with you.

Percival Graves: Have you any news?

Credence Barebone: I'm still looking.

Percival Graves: Mm.

Credence Barebone: Mr. Graves, if I knew whether it was a girl or a boy...

Percival Graves: My vision showed only the child's immense power. He or she is no older than ten. I saw this child in close proximity to your mother. She, I saw so plainly.

Credence Barebone: That could be any one of hundreds...

Percival Graves: There's something else. Something I haven't told you. I saw you beside me in New York. You're the one who gains this child's trust. You are the key. I saw this. You want to join the wizarding world. I want those things, too, Credence. I want them for you. So find the child. Find the child and we'll all be free.

Credence Barebone: Do you think I'm a freak?

Percival Graves: No. I think you're a very special young man, or I wouldn't have asked you to help me, now would I?

Newt Scamander: So, Ms. Goldstein, I think Mr. Kowalski could do with an early night. Besides, you and I will need to be up early tomorrow morning to find my Niffler, so...

Queenie: What's a Niffler?

Porpentina Goldstein: Don't ask.

Newt Scamander: Why did you decide to be a baker?

Jacob Kowalski: Well, um... because I'm dying in that canning factory. Everyone there's dying. It just crushes the life out of you. Do you like canned food?

Newt Scamander: No.

Jacob Kowalski: Yeah, me neither. That's why I wanna make pastries. You know, it makes people happy.

Newt Scamander: [discussing Jacob's desire to own a bakery] So, did you get your loan?

Jacob Kowalski: No. I ain't got no collateral. Stayed in the army too long, apparently. I don't know.

Newt Scamander: You fought in the war?

Jacob Kowalski: Of course I fought in the war. Everyone fought in the war. You didn't fight in the war?

Newt Scamander: I worked mostly with dragons. Ukrainian Ironbellies. Eastern Front.

British Envoy: Scamander?

Newt Scamander: Oh, hello, Minister.

Momolou Wotorson: Theseus Scamander? The war hero?

British Envoy: No. This is his little brother. And what are you doing in New York?

Newt Scamander: Oh, I came to buy an Appaloosa Puffskein, sir.

British Envoy: Right. What are you really doing here?

Newt Scamander: Merlin's beard.

Madam Ya Zhou: You know which of your creatures was responsible, Mr. Scamander?

Newt Scamander: No creature did this. Don't pretend. You must know what that was. Look at the marks. That was an Obscurus.

Seraphina Picquery: You go too far, Mr. Scamander. There is no Obscurial in America. Impound that case, Graves.

Newt Scamander: [Graves summons his case] Wait, no. Give that back.

Seraphina Picquery: Arrest them.

Newt Scamander: [he, Tina, and Jacob are magically restrained] Don't hurt those creatures. Please. You don't understand. Nothing in there's dangerous. Nothing.

Seraphina Picquery: We'll be the judges of that. Take them to the cells.

Newt Scamander: [being taken away] Don't hurt those creatures. There's no... nothing in there is dangerous. Please don't hurt my creatures. They aren't dangerous! P-Please! They're not dangerous! They're not dangerous!

Percival Graves: I wonder what you can tell me about this, Mr. Scamander.

[he summons the Obscurus from Newt's case in its protective bubble]

Newt Scamander: [turning to Tina] It's an Obscurus. But it's not what you think. So, I managed to separate it from the Sudanese girl as I tried to save her. So I wanted to take it home to study it. But it cannot survive outside that. It could not hurt anyone, Tina.

Percival Graves: So it's useless without the host?

Newt Scamander: Useless? *Useless*? That is a parasitical, magical force that killed a child. What on earth would you use it for?

Percival Graves: You fool nobody, Mr. Scamander. You brought this Obscurus into the City of New York in the hope of causing mass disruption, breaking the Statute of Secrecy, and revealing the magical world.

Newt Scamander: You know that can't hurt anyone. You know that.

Percival Graves: You are therefore guilty of a treasonous betrayal of your fellow wizards and are sentenced to death. Ms. Goldstein, who has aided and abetted you...

Newt Scamander: No, she's done nothing of the kind.

Percival Graves: ...receives the same sentence.

[to the Aurors in the room]

Percival Graves: Just do it immediately. I will inform President Picquery myself.

Porpentina Goldstein: [yelps as she's being threatened by the intensifying death potion waves surrounding the suspended chair] Mr. Scamander!

Newt Scamander: D-D-Don't panic.

Porpentina Goldstein: What do you suggest I do instead?

Newt Scamander: [having a difficult time saying goodbye at the end] Well... it's been, umm...

Porpentina Goldstein: Hasn't it?

Newt Scamander: A quiet life for me from now on. Back to the Ministry, deliver my manuscript.

Porpentina Goldstein: I'll look out for it. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.