White Bitch: Behold, my white castle.

[she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them]

Edward: White Castle? I feel like I've been there before.
Willy: Who wants to play with Willy?
Peter: I want flabby grandma arms!
[as the White Queen pulls up in her turbo sled]

Edward: Whoa, Stifler's mom!
Lucy: Holy shit, a talking beaver!
Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?

Edward: Uh-huh.

Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.
Edward: A chocolate river! Mmm! Mmm! Chocolate! Hahahaha!

Willy: That's actually the sewer line.
Lucy: [Reading a hidden message on a painting] "So lame the hair of Tom"

[Looks toward a painting a Tom Hanks with his long hair in "The Da Vinci Code"]

Lucy: Wait. "Lame." "Lame" is a - "Lame" is a seven-letter word.
Peter: [Talking about the frozen White Bitch] We will create a democratic society, and give her a fair trail, and...

Captain Jack Swallows: [Jack Swallows come rolling by on the wodden wheel and runs over the Bitch]

[In the distance]

Captain Jack Swallows: Take that, Bitch!

Peter: [pauses] Ah, screw her anyways.
Lucy: I'm sorry, was the fight over?
Kanye West Look-Alike: [while Lucy is viewing the camera from Mr. Tumnus] The White Bitch doesn't care about black people.
Peter: We have something the White Bitch doesn't.

Lucy: Perky breasts?
Edward: [in his old age] Chuck Norris rules.
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: Oh, I know, please help!

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: I know...

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: Why do you keep saying that?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"

Susan: Why are you yelling?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, bitch! I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel Goddamn Jackson!

Susan: [Shocked] Bitch?

["Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane]
[first lines]

Narrator: This is the story of four orphans brought together by fate. They didn't know it yet, but there was something more greater in store for them, something epic.
Lauren Conrad: Nice hair, Rogue.
[Peter removes his jacket and wing straps]

Cyclops: He's unleashing his powers!

Storm: He's gonna spread angel wings!

[Peter clucks like a chicken and turns around showing his small-sized wings on his back]

Mystique: More like chicken wings!

Magneto: Break it up. Break it up. You all know Peter is too much of a pussy to stand up for himself.
Silas: [to White Bitch, in subtitles] Beat me like Bobby beats Whitney! Allegedly.
Susan: Welcome! My name is Harry Potter!

Lucy: Aren't you a little old to be still a student here?

Susan: Nonsense. I am but 14.
White Bitch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.

Bink: Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.

White Bitch: Pretty much, yeah.
White Bitch: [holding crystal] Let's start things off with a bang, shall we?

Edward: But you'll kill millions.

White Bitch: Billions. Come on. Let me hear you say it.

Edward: My family will stop you!

White Bitch: WRONG!
Magneto: We'll stand behind you, Peter. That bitch has threatened our mutant way of life for too long. We believe in you.
Bink: [stabs Edward] Take that, Kumar!
Silas: [to Aslo] I'm gonna go Jackie Chan on your ass!
Harry Beaver: May I present the kings and queens of Gnarnia! Peter the Heroic. Susan the Just. Edward the Loyal. And Lucy the Dumb Shit.
Peter: [while urinating in the snow] Look! Nicole Richie!

[camera shows a stick figure with hair]
[last lines]

Borat: Jagshemash! You did it! You make moviefilm have happy ending.

[Captain Jack Swallows comes on his wheel and runs Lucy, Peter, Susan and Edward over]

Borat: NOT!
Nacho Libre: NACHO... cheese Doritos are delicious!
White Bitch: God, I hate those fuckin' kids
Peter: Badonkadonk.
Peter: Monobrow! Monobrow!

[clapping excitably]

Peter: King wants a monobrow!
Susan: [Lucy is cleaning doorknob] What are you doing?

Lucy: Willy told me he wanted his knob polished.

Susan: Dumbass.
Peter: We may not have the numbers on our side or the weapons she possesses, but we have something far more powerful.

Lucy: Perky breasts?
Ashton Kutcher Look-Alike: Yeah! We just punked Edward. *Shwam!* That was awesome.
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: [From unrated version] Enough is enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: So have I!

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Enough is Enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Right...

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Why do you keep saying that?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love it when I say "I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!"

Susan: Alright, we get it already. Okay?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: No! I don't think you do! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Why are you yelling?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shit, bitch! I'm ALWAYS yellin'! I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson!

Susan: Bitch?

[Gets thrown off the plane]
Peter: [From unrated version]

[as Superman, Peter is shot in the eye by a thug]

Peter: Oh my god! You shot me in the fucking eye! Oh, that really hurt! Why would you do that? That was so unneccesary!

[backs up and falls off of roof]
Silas: [In a Subtitle] I'm gonna go Jackie Chan on Yo Ass!

Aslo: ARRRRRRGH!

[the Camera Starts Pin-Pointing on Aslo as a Subtitle appears]

Aslo: Great News, I just saved a bunch of Money on My Car Insurance!
Silas: [In a Subtitle before Shooting Mr.Tumnus Dead] I'm Rick James, Bitch!
Peter: Tomorrow we fight. So tonight... we party!
Hermione Granger: Hope you chicks are on the pill. Harry likes to get wasted and show off his sorcerers stones.
Narrator: And so it was that Peter, Susan, Edward and Lucy restored peace to Gnarnia. They were orphans no more. They were now a family. They ruled Gnarnia for many years to come. That is, until they found the wardrobe once again.
Silas: [In a Subtitle] I'm gonna drop you like K-Fed!
Peter: And a monobrow!

Mystique: [Does a double take] ... come again?

Peter: [Starts clapping his hands] Monobrow, monobrow, king wants a monobrow!

Mystique: Ok, ok!

[She sighs and grows a monobrow reluctantly]

Peter: And big flabby grandma arms!

Mystique: [disgusted] ... Oh!

Peter: ...Bingo wings! Like a fat blue Britney Spears!

Mystique: [Rolls her eyes, as she starts flapping her arms and begins to shapeshift]

Peter: [while drooling] ... now that's what I'm talking about...

Morphed Mystique: [She now appears extremely fat, flabby, and cross-eyed, flapping her "bingo wings" for Peter]

Peter: ...come here!

Morphed Mystique: [Disgustingly wiggles her tongue]

Peter: [Peter pulls down the now extremely fat Mystique and they start to make out and get it on]