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Eva: I'm tired of being funny.
Albert: Me too.
-
[last lines]
Albert: I should tell you... I bought some night tables.
Eva: You did?
Albert: No.
[Eva laughs]
Albert: No, I didn't.
Eva: OK, that's good.
-
Eva: Oh, the Container Store?
Albert: Yes, yes, the Container Store. The store that sells crap so you can put your crap in so you can go out and buy some more crap.
Eva: I love that store. I love crap.
-
Eva: [Albert's daughter has just left with some friends] You think they have threesomes?
Albert: What? Why would you say that?
Eva: I know, but apparently, that's what they're doing these days. That's what I heard.
-
Eva: You have, like, eighty million toothbrushes.
Albert: I do?
Eva: Yeah.
Albert: I only use one of them.
Eva: Then why don't you just throw the other ones out?
Albert: I don't know. Because they're my friends?
-
Will: Eva was telling me that there are no men at this party that she's attractred to.
Albert: That's OK, there's no one here I'm attracted to either.
-
Albert: So while you were, uh, being torn, she was poisoning our relationship and poisoning your perception of me. Now why would you want that?
Eva: I don't know, I mean, except maybe I was trying to protect myself, you know, because, you know, we've both been married before. And you know how things can turn out.
Albert: What about us? What about protecting us?
Eva: I didn't protect us.
-
Eva: I could not believe what I was watching! No brains, and the fake cheekbones, and the fake boobs. Do you like fake boobs?
Albert: ...No. No, I like real boobs.
Eva: Yeah - I got real boobs.
Albert: ...That's workin' out for us then.
-
Eva: Did they just turn the music louder.
Albert: No, I think you just got older.
-
Ellen: Excuse me, Chloe, but can I have my mom back?
-
Eva: I don't usually park in front of your house. I usually just drive by.
Albert: Sometimes I drive by your house, too.
Eva: You do?
Enough Said Quotes
Extended Reading
