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Mike: No one's going to believe me, cause I'm a kid, and they never listen to kids.
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Larry: Dude, did you piss your pants?
Bret: Come on, we got to go! We got to get out of here! They're coming!
Randy: Looks like the only thing going is you, dude!
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Wade: What exactly is that?
Deputy Pete: A spider, man!
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Chris McCormick: Get back you eight-legged freaks!
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Joshua's Parrot: I see dead people, I see dead people...
Joshua: He likes that movie, dunno why...
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Ashley Parker: Mom, I am not you! I'm not gonna get pregnant at 16. I'm not gonna stay here for the rest of my life and be a trailer trash sheriff!
Sheriff Sam Parker: Thanks for the flashback. I really didn't deserve that!
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Harlan: [broadcasting over the radio] Now people, "the phones are down" and I know they're gonna tell you that it's a "technical error"!
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Deputy Pete: They're not aliens, they're spiders mutated by contaminated waste!
Harlan: That's probably a more logical explanation!
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Chris McCormick: [after finding a big spider leg] That ain't no cactus!
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Mike: Take these, you'll need them.
Chris McCormick: Perfume?
Mike: Well, spiders have a highly developed sense of smell. The perfume might confuse them.
Harlan: Great, if we die, we die smelling nice.
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Sheriff Sam Parker: So you're trying to tell me that a giant spider ate Gladys?
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Mike: Mom, are you there?
Sheriff Sam Parker: Yea, Mike. Is everything okay?
Mike: Don't make any movements or noises. There's a giant tarantula headed your way.
Sheriff Sam Parker: Copy that.
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Harlan: There's no way you're telling me that thing back there is from Earth!
Chris McCormick: All right! They're spiders from Mars! You happy?
Harlan: No.
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Harlan: That's the one who busted up my trailer!
Chris McCormick: Shh!
Harlan: I bet you he's their leader!
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Chris McCormick: I got a signal!
Harlan: That's great. Now, how about dialing!
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[Wondering what Sheriff Sam Parker is wearing under her pants]
Larry: What do you think? G-String, or underpants?
Randy: I'd say under...
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Randy: She is the sexist sheriff in the whole country!
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Deputy Pete: Winchester, 30.06, Mossberg pump, and the Lee Harvey Oswald rifle... Why we have that, I do not know.
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[last lines]
Harlan: And that, my friends, is the story of how aliens attacked our sleepy little town. And to this day, people refuse to believe the truth about what happened. They would lead you to believe that I would embellish this story, that I would make it up, but we know the truth. Oh yeah, uh, two, two things I forgot to tell you. One, they never did get that probe near me. And two, as far as Chris McCormick reopening the gold mines and putting everyone back to work... Well that, my friends, is another story altogether.
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Sheriff Sam Parker: [to Pete on the phone] Something *ate* your cat?
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Ashley Parker: [a jumping spider lands on the roof of the house] What was that?
Sheriff Sam Parker: It's just Pete, he's waiting to come in.
Ashley Parker: I don't think it was Pete.
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Harlan: Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't following me.
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Chris McCormick: Harlan, get up here!
Harlan: I'm afraid of heights.
Chris McCormick: Heights? Are you afraid of spiders?
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Chris McCormick: [on the phone] Operator, you don't understand... it's an invasion! They're here already! They're here!
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Harlan: Oswald's gun... man, this is the weirdest day of my life!
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[first lines]
Harlan: Do you know fear?
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Deputy Pete: [trying to lure the cat out of the drywall] Get your furry cat ass out of there.
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Deputy Pete: [surrounded by spiders] Hey, you know what? Let's just go back inside. Let's go back inside.
Harlan: [tries door] Locked.
Deputy Pete: That's okay.
Harlan: Plan B?
Deputy Pete: Um... Right. Tell you what, we're just gonna... We're gonna run away.
Harlan: Yeah?
Deputy Pete: Yeah.
Harlan: Okay.
Eight Legged Freaks Quotes
Extended Reading
