Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd Quotes

Mrs. Dunne: Hey, fellas, it's getting kind of late. Come on.

Lloyd Christmas: Can I be on top?

Harry Dunne: Only if I can be on bottom.

Lloyd Christmas: All Right!

Harry: You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?

Lloyd Christmas: Three words: I did.

Ray: What are you crazy boys doing in my tool shed?

Lloyd Christmas: We're not crazy, dad. We're special, and Principal Collins wants us to have our own special class room.

Ray: [Happy] My boy's special! How about that!

[Hugs Lloyd]

Ray: I knew you were different!

Lloyd Christmas: Somebody chipped my tooth!

Harry: How do you think I feel? Somebody bit me in the forehead!

Lloyd Christmas: You know, you're the first person I ever brought here, Harry.

Harry Dunne: Is this your special place?

Lloyd Christmas: No, I just usually eat in the crapper. Yeah. Saves time. Out with the old, in with the new.

[Harry is about to throw away Lloyd's chipped tooth]

Lloyd: No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.

Harry: I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.

Lloyd: No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?

Harry: Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.

Lloyd: Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.

Harry: Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!

Principal Collins: You know, Honey... I think I've finally figured out a way to bilk this school out of enough money to get us that condo in Waikiki.

Ms. Heller: How, Sweet Baby? You've done it all.

Principal Collins: Small potatoes. This is the big one. This is visionary. This idea is genius.

[Ms. Heller giggles]

Principal Collins: Look at this. The "Richard Moffitt Special Needs Grant".

Ms. Heller: Mm-hmm.

Principal Collins: This Moffitt guy used to be in a Special Needs program, & then he learns to string a couple of sentences together and now he's some big hotshot. Anyway, the State is giving 100 Grand in his name to every school that has a Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: This is fantastic!

Principal Collins: Mm-hmm.

Ms. Heller: All we have to do is *kill* this Moffitt guy, & we get all the money.

Principal Collins: No.

[Ms. Heller sighs]

Principal Collins: No. What we need is to set up a *fake* Special Needs Class.

Ms. Heller: We start our own class.

Principal Collins: Problem is, where do we find kids... we can pass off as "Special"?

Lloyd Christmas: O.k., that's high enough! Thanks, Turk.

Harry Dunne: I'm flying! Woo-hoo! So this is what a flag sees all day.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah.

Harry Dunne: And your friend Turk is totally great.

Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he's Aces, huh?

[to Turk, below]

Lloyd Christmas: Hey, thanks, Turk! We're so high!

[Turk laughs]

Principal Collins: Bingo.

[Turk comes up behind Lloyd and grabs him in a Head-Lock. Lloyd introduces him to Harry]

Lloyd: This is my Mohawk friend, Turk. He's part of the "Cool Crowd".

[to Turk]

Lloyd: Hey, Kimosabe!

Turk: Shut up, Ass-Face.

Lloyd: That's the Iroquois name he gave me for having the strong face of an ass.

Harry: I like your flight suit.

Ray: I'm a custodian.

Harry: Well then...

[salutes Ray]

Harry Dunne: [Harry is covered in mud and hit by Jessica's dad's car] Charlie!

Jessica's Dad: Oh, my God... it's you... you're the guy that crapped up my house! What are you... you're covered in *shit*! My car's covered in *shit*!

Harry Dunne: No, no, no, no... It's not that?

[gets off the hood and starts to walk off]

Jessica's Dad: There's crap all over my hood! You got feces all over my mercedes! It's in my grill! My car's covered in shit!

Lloyd: Who's that?

Harry Dunne: That's Jessica's Dad. She says he's really anal.

Lloyd: [Winces, disgusted] Ew... ugh, that's gross.

Jessica's Dad: [as they walk off, fading out] Get back here! I'm not cleaning this up! I'm gonna have to have this towed! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and *fecal* matter?

[Fade out]

Turk: So were you held back two years like Lloyd?

Harry Dunne: No, I was held back three.

Lloyd Christmas: By your mom?

[Lewis is getting his mascot's head taken off]

Lewis: Aah.

Harry Dunne: Whoa! The half boy / half horse.

Lloyd Christmas: Oh! That's more of what we're looking for.

Harry Dunne: He's *super* special.

Lewis: Well... I mean, I got to get a job anyway. So if I - if I sign your thing, I can just come and go whenever I want to?

Lloyd Christmas: You were born free, and free you shall remain.

Turk: [after Harry and Jessica and Harry finish talking] Hey Harry, did Jessica give you that banana in your pocket?

Harry Dunne: No, my mom did!

Turk: Gross!

Harry Dunne: [pulls out of pocket]

Harry Dunne: Want some?

Turk: [saying discustedly] NO!

Jessica's Mom: [Jessica's Mom notices Harry is digging into the dinner rolls she has prepared] I see you like my rolls.

Harry: [Stares at Jessica's Mom] Yeah. I like a woman with some meat on her bones.

Ms. Heller: The band sounds awful.

Principal Collins: Ha ha. I sold the wood instruments for Hawaiian Air tickets.

Lloyd: Whoa! Look at Jessica, look at her milk bubbles, and her shorts are really short!

Harry Dunne: I know...

Lloyd: Yea, last time I wore shorts that short, I got beat up!