Duel Quotes

David Mann: That truck driver's crazy, he's been trying to kill me, I mean it!

Bus Driver: Well, mister, if I was to vote on who's crazy around here, it'd be you.

David Mann: [David Mann mistakenly thinks that the man eating a sandwich in the cafe is the truck driver harassing him] Look, uh... I want you to cut it out.

Man in Cafe: [bites into sandwich, chewing] Wha?

David Mann: Just... just cut it out, okay?

Man in Cafe: [bites into sandwich again, chewing] Cut what out?

David Mann: Now come on, let's uh... let's not play games.

Man in Cafe: What the hell you talkin' about?

David Mann: I can call the police.

Man in Cafe: [stops eating, looks suprised] Police?

David Mann: You think that I won't? You're wrong, mister. I mean if you think you can just... just take that... that truck of yours and use it as a murder weapon and uh... killin' people on the highway... you're wrong! You got another thing comin'!

Man in Cafe: [shakes head, fed up] Man, you need help.

David Mann: [Mann slaps the sandwich out of his hand] Don't you tell me I need *help*!

Man in Cafe: [punches Mann in the stomach]

Cafe Owner: [piercing, nasal voice] Heeeeeey!

Cafe Owner: [as David Mann exits cafe restroom and enters dining area] Are you all right?

David Mann: Yeah, I'm fine.

Cafe Owner: What happened out there?

David Mann: Oh, just a slight complication.

Cafe Owner: Oh? Looked like a big complication to me!

[Cafe patrons laugh. Mann gives an irritated look]

Old Man: [after David Mann's car crashes into a fence] You all right, Mister?

David Mann: [meekly] Yeah. Yeah, except - Oh, my neck.

David Mann: Do you have a men's room?

Cafe Owner: Yeah. Through the door, ON THE RIGHT! Down the hall. Take a left. Second door.

Gas Station Attendant: Looks like you could use a new radiator hose.

David Mann: [muttering to himself] Yeah, where have I heard that before?

[to the attendant]

David Mann: I'll get one later, thanks.

Gas Station Attendant: You're the boss.

David Mann: Not in *my* house, I'm not.

[first lines]

[radio playing, driving down the road, approaches the truck]

[David coughs, coughs again]

David Mann: Talk about pollution.

David Mann: Fill it with Ethel.

Gas Station Attendant: As long as Ethel doesn't mind.

David Mann: [after the truck smashes the phone booth] Lady, you have got to call the police!

Lady at Snakerama: With what? That's the only phone I got!

David Mann: [Mann sarcastically imitating wife's voice] Well dear, did you have a nice trip?

[Mann responding]

David Mann: Uh, no, no... Just the... just the same old thing... o-boy, o-boy, o-boy...

Radio Interviewer: [discussing an amateur talent competition] So, what is it that you do, if I may ask?

Caller on Radio: I play meat.

Radio Interviewer: You play meat?

Caller on Radio: Yes, uh... meat. You know, beef, pork...

David Mann: [laughing] That's sick, man. That's sick.