Draft Day Quotes

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [arguing with Penn] There's me doing my job, you doing yours. Your job is to coach the team I give you. They do it different in Dallas?

Coach Penn: Yeah, they do. They win.

[holds up his Super Bowl ring]

Coach Penn: A lot!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [discussing a potential player] Looks like Tarzan, plays like Jane.

Coach Penn: Your opinion. He plays in my system.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: He doesn't block!

Coach Penn: I don't need him to block, I need him to run! Which he does, like a bat out of hell. Which takes the pressure off of my offense. Okay? I got fifty-two Tarzans in that locker room; I could use a Jane!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [on the phone with his mother] You're on Twitter?

Barb Weaver: You're not?

Coach Penn: [enters with flaming papers in his hand] I'm sorry, Sonny, is this a bad time?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I gotta go, Mom!

[hangs up]

Coach Penn: This is the draft analysis we've all been working on for the last two weeks...

[throws the burning pages onto the desk]

Rick the Intern: [background] Fire! Ali, fire! ALI, FIRE!

Ali: I'm coming!

[enters with a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire]

Ali: Can I get you gentlemen some coffee?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Love some.

Coach Penn: Light and sweet, honey, thanks.

Ali: Yeah, I'm not getting you idiots anything.

[walks out]

Coach Penn: I like her.

Rick the Intern: Like, how did you come up with that?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I was pissed!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Hi, Mom.

Barb Weaver: You sold a cow for magic beans.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?

Barb Weaver: You could have stole Ray Jennings at seven!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: How does the entire world know about this, Mom?

Barb Weaver: Because Vontae Mack just tweeted it.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: He tweeted it?

Barb Weaver: Yeah, here. "Agent just called. Browns trade for number one. Sorry Cleve, you get Bo no Vontae. Dumb move."

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You're on Twitter?

Barb Weaver: You're not?

Anthony Molina: You son of a bitch!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [giving him the nonverbal "one minute" gesture] Anthony, I need five minutes. All right? Five minutes, and then you can fire me.

Anthony Molina: Sonny, you are a dead man.

Coach Penn: Let me see if I've got this right: in the span of one day, you have managed to burn through three years' worth of first round and second round draft picks. Is that correct?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah.

Coach Penn: I quit, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Don't quit.

Coach Penn: I can't coach a team that doesn't have a future.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Can we talk football? Just football for thirty seconds?

Ali: We can always talk football.

Rick the Intern: Can I get you a soda?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, I don't want a soda! No Clevelander has EVER used the word "soda." Ever! Us Clevelanders use the word "pop."

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Did you trash my office?

Brian Drew: Trade me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Did you just trash my office?

Brian Drew: Yeah. I'm upset.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: If you're upset, call your agent, all right? Let him have this conversation. That's what he's there for.

Brian Drew: No, Sonny. You're gonna talk to me. Man-to-man. You owe me that.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I owe you? I drafted you.

Brian Drew: Your dad drafted me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, Drew, I drafted you. I may have been in San Francisco, but my dad wasn't even looking at you until I told him to.

[repeated line]

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You only get drafted once.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, and when your knee crapped out and no one wanted you, I still extended your contract, and I think I even gave you a raise, because I believed in you.

Brian Drew: Then why pick Callahan?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know why.

Brian Drew: Then trade me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'm gonna do what's best for the team.

Brian Drew: I've been in this league for eight seasons. I've been to the playoffs. I know the system that Penn wants to run and I know I can make it work. I busted my ass this off-season. I set the bar high. I'm in great shape. I feel 10 years younger. I'm tellin' you, man, I swear to you, the best thing for this team, this season, is me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Are you finished?

Brian Drew: No.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Then get finished. And then get back to work. If I trade you, I trade you. If I don't, I don't. Do yourself a favor. Worry about Brian. Don't worry about Bo. And definitely absolutely goddamn importantly, do not bother me with your shit right now, Brian. I'm workin' here!

[first lines]

Chris Berman: Thirty-two teams, seven rounds, 224 young men who, today, are about to become players in the National Football League. A day where lives are changed. fates are decided, dynasties are born, and the clock is always ticking. Of course, I'm talking about... Draft Day.

Anthony Molina: Ray, remind me. Where were you picked? First? Second?

Ray Lewis: 26th. It still hurts.

Anthony Molina: Oh. Well, that's good too.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Let me tell you something, Vontae, and I don't have a lot of time, so I want you to listen to me carefully, okay? Are you listening?

Vontae Mack: Yeah.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Don't Twitter. For the love of Jesus, just stop. Delete your profile, get off the web, do not do this to yourself.

Vontae Mack: I don't know why you care what I do. I can do whatever I want, right?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Of course... of course you can, Vontae. But every GM in the league has now read your tweet or whatever they call them. And they've all made a mental note that Vontae Mack, however prodigiously talented, is a guy who likes to talk, all right? Who likes to spread rumors, who's more than willing to announce to the world any inane thought that passes through his head. And be it your god given right or not, Vontae, GMs hate that shit, all right? We hate it.

Vontae Mack: You made a mistake, Mr. Weaver.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, Vontae, I made a deal. And you're gonna be a great player in the NFL if you don't manage to sabotage yourself between now and the end of this day.

Coach Penn: I had my choice of teams to coach, Sonny, and I chose this team, okay? I chose to coach *this* team. Not the team you're putting together in your head, on the fly, 'cause your old man died last week and you're tapping one of your execs.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What did you just say?

Coach Penn: I'm sorry, is that supposed to be a secret?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know, around here, we call my old man? Coach Weaver. And yes, my father died last week. So next time you refer to his name, next time you say it, at least in front of me, you say it with some god damn reverence, because he earned it.

Tom Michaels: I'm really nervous about trading away the top pick. Callahan could be huge.

Walt Gordon: That's true. But it might be worth it if someone's willing to give us their weight in gold to get him. What'd the Rams get when they traded away number two overall to the Redskins a few years back?

Tom Michaels: Three number one picks and a number two.

Walt Gordon: Well, shit, that'd work for me.

Tom Michaels: Nobody's offering us that, Walt. Look... do you want the entire city of Seattle calling for our heads because we didn't pick Bo Callahan?

Walt Gordon: Our fans know a good deal when they see one, Tom. Which is why we're not even gonna think about doing this unless we can find someone...

Tom Michaels: Stupid enough to give us more than he should.

Walt Gordon: Exactly. So, who's the most desperate guy you know?

Tom Michaels: I'm thinking about moving number one.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Really?

Tom Michaels: Yeah, well, as you know, Connors did a great job for us last year. But Callahan looks like... well, hell, Sonny, he's gonna be a franchise player for someone.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You'd consider a trade?

Tom Michaels: I'd consider the right one.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [awkward silence] Well, Jesus, Tom, at least act like you called me, all right? What do you... what do you want for it?

Tom Michaels: I want your first pick this year, your first-rounder next year, and your third-rounder the year after that.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Ouch. Ouch. No thanks.

Tom Michaels: I know what it sounds like...

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It sounds like you're trying to take advantage of me.

Tom Michaels: I would never do that. Your seventh-rounder gives you, what, a running back with a rap sheet?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You don't know who I'm picking seven, Tom. I'm not gonna sell the farm for one guy.

Tom Michaels: Well... you should. Your farm sucks.

Tom Michaels: Pick number one. Get Bo Callahan.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I got a quarterback.

Tom Michaels: Brian Drew? Are you talking about Brian Drew? Jesus, you're hilarious. Guy barely made it through half the season before getting injured last year. I have the golden ticket, Sonny. If I give it to you, you get to save football in Cleveland.

Vontae Mack: So? Who you picking? If I was you, I'd take a lightning-quick middle linebacker who can murder the gaps in a 3-4.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Totally agree. You got Reggie Wilson's number down there in Purdue?

Vontae Mack: Now, I really don't find that funny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, it's funny, Vontae. You're just not feeling it right now.

Anthony Molina: You see that? That's the Dungeon Drop. Kids waited an hour to take it. It's exactly 50 feet from the end of the slide right into the pool. Huge splash. Anybody within shouting distance would've gotten completely soaked. And people pay for that. I need you to make a splash, Sonny. We need to sell tickets.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, I'm trying to help you do that, Anthony, in my own way.

Anthony Molina: You can help me, by making a splash. And if you can't do it, then I have to do it, and... I don't wanna have to do that, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Just to be clear here, you're threatening to fire me, right?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: There's not a quarterback in this draft after Callahan that can make a difference to our team, all right? And we're way too far down to get him.

Anthony Molina: Okay, okay. What else? Our shiny new head coach wants a shiny new running back. Ray Jennings. He's Cleveland royalty.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know what Penn wants. Come on, Anthony, you said you would stay out of this.

Anthony Molina: Coach Penn has a Super Bowl ring. He used to coach the Cowboys, you know?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: He took over for a team that won the Super Bowl and proceeded to run it into the ground. Got himself fired. Lucky us.

Anthony Molina: The Cowboys really have great helmets.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I like Vontae Mack. He's special. He's different. He could transform our defense. Even as a rookie.

Anthony Molina: Defense doesn't make a splash. Sonny, people pay to get wet.

Walt Gordon: Have we tried everyone?

Tom Michaels: Everyone worth asking. So far, no one's willing to overpay. Shit. I really thought I could get Sonny Weaver to bite. I mean, he just lost his old man, and...

[his phone rings; smirking, he shows Walt the caller ID]

Walt Gordon: Fleece him.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Okay, I'm ready to do this, Tom. Our next two number one picks and a third-rounder for your pick today.

Tom Michaels: Correction. Your next three first-round picks.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?

Tom Michaels: You heard me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You want me to give you the Cleveland Browns' first-round picks for the next three years?

Tom Michaels: That's right.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, that's insane, Tom. That... that wasn't your offer.

Tom Michaels: Well, I changed my offer. Hell, we live in a different world than we did a couple of hours ago. I made you a fair offer, and you told me to enjoy my pancakes.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You think I'm gonna give you my next three number one picks?

Tom Michaels: You're panicking, Sonny, and I intend to take advantage of that.

Rick the Intern: I have Adam Schefter from ESPN on the line. He heard a rumor.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Oh, great. Tell Schefter to stick his rumor up his...

Ali: Sonny.

Vontae Mack: Callahan's a poser.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah. And what do you know that every scout and coach on Earth does not?

Vontae Mack: I know he got sacked twelve times last year.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, it was eleven. It was eleven times.

Vontae Mack: Yeah, well, four of 'em were mine. In one game.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, I remember. I-I... I saw your highlight reel. I also remember that he beat you.

Vontae Mack: Watch it again. Don't watch me. Watch him. Watch me sack him four times in one game. Then watch what happens after.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Watch what happens after what?

Vontae Mack: Just watch.

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Did you hear about Brian Drew?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, what about him?

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: He came in here yesterday, did a little workout. Guess how much he squatted.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: He's not supposed to be squatting.

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Four hundred! Four bills! I know! And what's even more impressive is his arm. Your star wide receiver Andre Bello's been telling me about those secret workouts they've been doing together all winter. You know about those?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah.

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Yeah, well, Andre thinks Brian can throw a good fifteen yards deeper now. I didn't believe it until I saw what he benched.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What'd he bench?

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: He benched 250, 25 times.

[pantomiming a bench press]

Tony 'Bagel' Bagli: Just, boom, boom! Translation, Brian Drew's in the best shape of his life.

O'Reilly: We couldn't find anything before, and we can't now. No other team could, either. If Callahan can't play football, nobody can.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I-I get it. I get it. But look, nobody's perfect. Everybody has something. Even the great ones. Right? They said that Montana was too small, that he'd get hurt, he'd get banged up, but that... that didn't seem to matter, did it? A lot of people said that Elway was too strong, that he threw too hard, didn't have touch, but that didn't seem to matter either, did it? And pretty much everyone agreed that Peyton didn't have the arm strength, that he couldn't throw deep. But somehow, none of it seemed to matter. You get where I'm going here, guys? We need to find out what Bo Callahan's "something" is. Then figure out if it matters or not. All right? Figure out if it's something we can live with.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I don't like what's happening between us. Seeing you all day walk the other way, watching you drive away this morning, it's killing me. Look, I know I've disappointed you. And maybe, um... maybe that's not even a strong enough word. If I... if I didn't handle, if I didn't have the right words that you needed to hear, then I'm...

Ali: Look, Sonny, whoa, you-you don't... you don't need to do this.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Let me finish. Men are supposed to step up. And in the middle of everything that's going on, I didn't get it right, all right? I didn't get all gooey. I didn't jump up and want to know what color to paint the bedroom, you know, blue or pink. And I wish I was one of those kind of guys that know how to make the wallpaper line up; the Home Depot dads-of-the-year types that make the rest of us look like assholes.

Ali: Those guys are not the reason you look like an asshole.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [seeing Ali ignore him calling for her] Did you hear me, Rick?

Rick the Intern: Uh, I heard you. Yeah.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Do you think Ali heard me?

Rick the Intern: Uh, no, I don't think so. No.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Good answer. Women are tricky. Problem is, they're smarter than us.

Coach Penn: Are you as jacked as everyone else around here about getting the first pick?

Ali: I don't really get jacked. I just manage the cap.

Coach Penn: Uh-huh. How does a girl like you get in this game, anyway?

Ali: Law school.

Coach Penn: Lawyer. So you don't get excited about anything.

Ali: If I do my job and we haven't spent more than $125 million on players by the time the season starts, I get excited.

Ali: You don't think Callahan's legit?

Coach Penn: I think Callahan might be the best prospect in the draft. But I hate rookie quarterbacks. They're stupid and they're scared.

Ali: Not the good ones.

Coach Penn: We already got a good one. His name is Brian Drew. He can run my offense like a pro. So I'm trying to figure out why I gotta give away the future of the franchise and then sit around trying to teach some rookie, I don't know, everything, you know? I'm talking shifts, plays, protections, snap counts, alerts, check-with-me's, Double X, jet, ice cream, 36, counter naked waggle at 16-9 Tennesse Free. Know what I'm saying?

Ali: Don't patronize me. You know I know what you're saying. I dedicated my life to this sport, just like you.

Ralph Mowry: Bo Ridley Callahan. He's an only child. His mom's a homemaker, his father's a medical malpractice lawyer. He's made some money. Pays his taxes. He's got three years left on his mortgage. Well, the kid's pretty vanilla. Belonged to a few clubs in high school. He had a walk-on role in "Damn Yankees". Was on the honor roll from junior high through college. Kept his nose clean, he worked out, and... well, you know, he threw a football better than anybody in the great states of Washington or Wisconsin.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: But?

Ralph Mowry: How do you know there's a "but"?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Because you're an unoriginal bastard, Ralph. So, go on. But...

Ralph Mowry: But during his final year at Wisconsin, he had a big dinner for his 21st birthday at some restaurant. Locals find out who the dinner's for, and they start filin' in. Things get out of control. Manager called the cops when somebody broke into his office and stole some money. And of course, none of this is Bo's fault.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Of course. But...?

Ralph Mowry: But the cops came and they took everybody's name regardless. It was a few hundred people. Standard operating procedure.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: But...?

Ralph Mowry: Ask me who wasn't there.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Who wasn't there, Ralph?

Ralph Mowry: Any of his teammates. None of his teammates came to the poor guy's birthday party, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Hey, Coach. Sonny Weaver.

Coach Moore: Well, you're about to be a very happy man. Bo Callahan's some of my finest work.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What can you tell me about him?

Coach Moore: I can tell you what I just told you, he's some of my finest work.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Anything else?

Coach Moore: You have the tapes. He's the real deal, Sonny. Don't overthink this like your dad would have. No offense.

Coach Moore: Look, I love Bo. My coaches love him. The cheerleaders love him. The fans love him. Everyone loves him.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Then how come none of his teammates went to his birthday party?

Coach Moore: Are you kidding me with this?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Seems relevant.

Coach Moore: You want to tear this kid down, or what?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No, I'd just like your take on it. I find it odd that nobody on the team was at their teammate's 21st birthday party.

Coach Moore: I don't know, Sonny. What do you think's more plausible? That nobody on an 85-person squad attended a party thrown by the captain? Or could it be that when the cops got to the place, and realized that my boys had done nothing wrong, decided not to take down any of the players' names 'cause they didn't wanna jam up a bunch of good kids for doing nothing?

Max Stone: I got an offer for number one.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah? Well, I'm all ears. What do you have in mind?

Max Stone: Okay, here's what we got. Maurice Castillo, Antonio Taylor, our first-rounder next year and the year after that. That's two number ones, a blue-chip running back...

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know who they are, Max.

Brandon Russ: Then you know it's a fair offer.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'm intrigued.

Max Stone: Good. Let's make a deal.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, you gotta give me some time.

Max Stone: Time? Sonny, time's one thing neither of us have. Make the deal.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Give me an hour.

Brandon Russ: We'll give you half that.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I just got off the phone with Max Stone.

Coach Penn: Yeah? How are things in Buffalo?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, I guess you didn't ask him, then, when you called him behind my back.

Coach Penn: Max is an old friend of mine. He calls me up to congratulate us on the Callahan thing, and I express my opinion on the matter.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: He call you or you call him?

Coach Penn: It's such a crazy day. Who remembers?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, well, how 'bout try and remember this, I can and I will fire your ass.

Coach Penn: Then do it, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You actually think I'm gonna give up Bo Callahan for Taylor and Castillo? Hmm? Maurice Castillo?

Coach Penn: And draft picks, okay? Don't forget the draft picks, Sonny. You do remember what those are, right?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: There's a deal on the table from Buffalo.

Ali: I heard. What's the war room think?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Split. Penn wants me to do it.

Ali: But you don't?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I don't.

Ali: Why?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Because I know, in my heart and my gut, that if I make this trade with Buffalo, then I don't get to make a pick this year. All I get back are future draft picks for the guy that Molina brings in to replace me. I've been here two years, Ali. Two years. I've never gotten a chance to see what a team I put together can do out there. First year, it's my dad's team. Last year, Drew goes down before I can see what we had. Then I get stuck with Penn, who I'm still trying to figure out how to work with. This is finally supposed to be my season. I just want the team that I want. One time.

Ali: So why are you bugging me if you already know?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Remember the '89 Super Bowl?

Ali: 49ers/Bengals. Niners down by three, 3:20 left in the game. 93-yard winning drive, Taylor beats the weak safety for a ten-yard TD.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, but before the drive. Joe Montana's in the huddle, right? And unbelievably, somehow spots the actor John Candy in the stands. He points at him and asks the guys in the huddle "Hey, isn't that... isn't that John Candy?" They couldn't believe the balls on him. To be that calm, in that game, at that moment. His guys instantly relax, they march, um...

Ali: 93 yards.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: 93 yards. Montana throws a little slant to Taylor. 49ers win the Super Bowl.

Ali: Great game.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It was a great game.

Anthony Molina: What can I say, Rich? I love being here, I love feeling the energy, and I love having the number one pick.

Rich Eisen: I hope that you would love having it, because you sure gave up a ton to get it.

Anthony Molina: Well, for the record, I didn't do anything. And "ton" is a relative word.

Rich Eisen: Playing coy. I like it. Come on, just between two guys, forget the cameras, who're you gonna take number one overall?

Anthony Molina: Well, I think it would unsportsmanlike, spoil the surprise.

Rich Eisen: Anthony Molina. Not giving me anything.

Ali: [Sonny leads her back into the supply closet] So?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: So, what do you want?

Ali: Honestly...

[sighing]

Ali: I don't want to be a secret.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Okay. Let's not be a secret.

Ralph Mowry: Got a new Callahan story for you.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Not sure I want to hear it. You know, you hung me out to dry pretty good with the last one.

Ralph Mowry: Just talked to Jack Tate in Washington. He said when they found out they had the number five pick, first thing they did was send a copy of their playbook to all the guys they were interested in.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Right. We do the same thing.

Ralph Mowry: No, no, they put a little special twist on it. They tape a $100 bill to the last page.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Why?

Ralph Mowry: So, when they're interviewin' the guys, and they ask 'em if they'd read the whole playbook, of course all of 'em are gonna say yes. 'Bout half of 'em, they mention the money. But the other half don't. So when they tell 'em about the $100 bill, most of the guys get embarrassed. They get flustered. They fess up that they didn't read the whole thing. But ask me what your boy Bo Callahan did.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know, I really hate playing this game with you.

Ralph Mowry: Ask.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: All right. What did Bo Callahan do?

Ralph Mowry: Neither. He said that he'd read it, and then he didn't say anything.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: So?

Ralph Mowry: He didn't know about the $100 bill, Sonny. He lied. He never read the whole playbook.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: So? A lot of guys don't.

Ralph Mowry: Yes. But when they confront him about it and they tell him about the money, he lied again. He said something like "Oh-oh, yeah. Now I remember. Good one. Good one, guys." Jack said he is the only guy to tell the lie and then to have the balls to stand and stick up for the lie. Said it was the second-strangest response he had seen to the $100 bill thing. Wanna know what the first was?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: God damn it, Ralph, just tell me.

Ralph Mowry: A kid mailed the $100 bill back to them. That kid put it in a card, and he wrote on the card "Save this for when I win you the Super Bowl."

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Nice.

Ralph Mowry: Don't you wanna know who that kid was?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No!

Ralph Mowry: It was Brian Drew.

Vontae Mack: Any news?

Vontae's Agent: We just got off the phone with Houston. They're at 15. With the Cleveland thing, that might be your best shot.

Vontae Mack: 15?

Vontae's Agent: And I'm not 100% sure about that.

Vontae Mack: What does that mean, man?

Vontae's Agent: It means it could be a long night. Stay positive. You never know with these things.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Whoever thought it meant that much to him? Naming a simple practice field in his honor. God, he took... took pride in the weirdest things.

Ali: He was your father, Sonny. What was it? Why... why did you hate him so much?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I didn't hate my father. I di... you know what, everyone always gives me grief for firing my father.

Ali: Well, you did. I was here that day.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It was my mother.

Ali: What?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It was my mother. Look, don't get me wrong. I'm the one who fired him. But it was my mother who asked me to do it.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: My dad's doctors told him that the stress of coaching was gonna kill him, so... of course, he refused to retire. So now I have a choice. The time he has left at home with my mother, or another year on the... another year on the sidelines, where maybe he drops dead on national television. So what do you do? I gave in to my mom and I fired him.

Ali: How come you never told me that before?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: You know, there's already so many versions of what happened that it's not really something I love talking about.

Ali: You never told him? You just... you let him believe that his only son would just fire him?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: That's how we do things in my family.

Ali: Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: And all I ever wanted to do was just get him a ring.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Rick, what are you doing?

Rick the Intern: Someone broke my computer. You know, can-can you believe that? I mean, this thing had my entire life on it, and... I don't know. Who would do that?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It was me. I threw it against the wall. Yeah. I'm, uh... I'm sorry.

Rick the Intern: Why would you do that?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Look, I lost my head, okay? I've been... I've been stepping on my dick all day. Look, we'll get you a new one, all right? We'll get you a better one. One with all the bells and whistles. Look, you've been a soldier today, all right? You don't deserve this.

Thompson: Oh, dude, that's, like, your fifth piece of pizza.

Marx: I eat when I'm nervous. Don't make me feel bad about it.

Thompson: Yeah, I get like that, too.

Ali: You picked Vontae. Wow.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Three first-round picks to get the guy I could have gotten all along.

[chuckling]

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Jesus, I used to think I was good at this.

Ali: Well, that remains to be seen. Sometimes the correct path is the tortured one. It's a gift, Sonny. You see things other people don't see. It's one of the things... it's one of the things I love about you.

O'Reilly: Holy shit!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What's going on?

Thompson: He's dropping.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: What?

O'Reilly: Picks number two and three are not Bo Callahan. Nobody's pickin' him.

Thompson: Everybody's freaking out, Sonny. St. Louis went with Anderson, Miami took Palmer.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Who's picking fourth?

Coach Penn: Arizona.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Are they gonna take Callahan?

Coach Penn: They should, but everybody's off their game. Rams and the Dolphins both went with their expected picks, even though Bo was still available. Everybody's panicking 'cause Callahan's still there.

Thompson: Jesus, what if he drops to seventh? Seahawks have seventh. What if they ended up with Callahan?

Coach Penn: Well, then Tom Michaels is the GM of the decade. I'm going to the can, to throw up.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Okay, Denver has five. Jacksonville has six.

Marx: Yeah, but Denver's not gonna take Callahan. They got Herrod, he's an All-Pro. So if Arizona balks, then Jacksonville's all over him.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Unless they balk, too.

O'Reilly: And our friend Tom Michaels grabs him at seven. Shit!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: They have that kid GM down in Jacksonville. What's his name?

Marx: Jeff Carson.

O'Reilly: Rookie.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [getting an idea] Right, Jeff Carson.

Jeff Carson: Holy shit, man. What do you know? What do you know?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: About what?

Jeff Carson: About this! About this thing! What-What's wrong with Callahan?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Nothing. We like Vontae better.

Jeff Carson: The Rams took my pick. Everything's out of whack.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Wow. Arizona went corner.

Jeff Carson: Shit. Starks was my backup.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: That's a tough break, but, hey, Callahan's still in play. Who's picking fifth?

Jeff Carson: The Broncos, and they're not taking Callahan. They got Matt Herrod. They don't need Callahan.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, I think you're right. I think they're gonna go with that big kid out of Oregon. Dearborne. Left tackle. Well, congratulations, Jeff. You, uh... looks like you got yourself Bo Callahan to quarterback the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeff Carson: You gotta be straight with me.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: About what?

Jeff Carson: What's wrong with Callahan? Why is everyone passing on him? Why-why did you pass on him?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I told you, we like Vontae better.

Jeff Carson: What's wrong with Callahan?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Can I be frank with you?

Jeff Carson: Yes.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I think he's a bust.

Jeff Carson: What? How? Why?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I don't know. Gut feeling. To be honest, Jeff, it's a character thing for me. But, look, I have other needs. So if you wanna make a trade for six, I can make that happen right now.

Jeff Carson: You want six? Who are you takin'?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [chuckling] Can't... I can't tell you that, Jeff. The question is do you wanna make a trade? Because if you're not... if you're not sold on Callahan, you can still come out of here with a handful of draft picks, you look like a seasoned pro, and everybody wonders what you're up to next year.

Jeff Carson: I don't know. I don't know, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Look, Jeff, every year, someone comes out of this looking like a donkey. Can you hear me?

Jeff Carson: Yeah.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Good. Because tomorrow, I got a feeling it could be you if you don't make this deal.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Look, everyone else... everyone else has a reason to pass on Bo Callahan. You don't. Give me six... give me six, and I'll give you our second-round pick this year and our second-rounder next year.

Coach Penn: Do what?

Jeff Carson: [his war room murmurs] Oh! That sounds awesome, Sonny. What am I, a jerk?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'm just spitballing here, Jeff.

Jeff Carson: Two number twos for the sixth overall? I'm not an idiot.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I'd give you ones, but I already dealt 'em.

Jeff Carson: Well, you're gonna have to do better than that. Jesus, the clock.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know. Denver hasn't picked yet, but they will any second, all right?

Jeff Carson: Shit, Sonny, I need more. Tell me. What is the very best that you can do?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [thinking] Final offer. Take our number two pick this year, next year, and the next year after that. That's three years of number two picks.

Jeff Carson: [his scouts nod their approval] Four. I want your next four number twos.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Nah, Jeff, I'm not gonna do that. Stay with me on planet Earth here, all right? You know what I just offered you is fair.

Jeff Carson: So, three years of second-rounders?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: That's right. For your pick right now. And you and your guys can regroup, figure yourselves out, and relax. This is a good deal, Jeff. This is a good deal for both of us.

Jeff Carson: Deal.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Good, Jeff. You did good.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [after making a trade with Jacksonville] Somebody get Tom Michaels on the phone.

Coach Penn: Tell me you didn't just do that, Sonny.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Michaels. Tom Michaels.

Marx: Are we... are we on the clock?

Coach Penn: Tell me you didn't just do that.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: We just got the number six pick. And, no, we are not on the clock. Denver is on the clock.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Tom, it's Sonny.

Tom Michaels: Jesus, Mary, and Whatnot. Do I owe you a thank you, Weaver?

[his scouts all mutter sarcastic calls of appreciation]

Tom Michaels: Jacksonville's on the clock, and I'm one more crazy shitshow from insanity. Can you imagine scoring three first-round picks and Bo Callahan? Lord God, let that infant John Carson screw this up.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: It's Jeff Carson, Tom, and he doesn't have the pick. I do.

Tom Michaels: What?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I just made a trade with Jacksonville. I'm on the clock. It's me.

Tom Michaels: Bullshit.

Tom Michaels: Sonny, what'd you give 'em?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No time for that. I'm on the clock. I'm gonna pick Bo, Tom. Unless you want him more. And if so, let's make a deal.

Anthony Molina: We still have Bo Callahan?

Tom Michaels: What the hell's going on, Sonny?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Everyone thinks there's something wrong with the kid, but you don't, all right? You've done your due dilligence. You're about to pull off the move of the century. But you need my pick to do it. So make me an offer.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Make me a deal, Tom, at six, and you get your boy wonder.

Tom Michaels: What do you want?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I want my number ones back. All of 'em.

Tom Michaels: That's crazy. Why would I give them back?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Because, at the end of the day, no one's the wiser, Tom. You haven't lost anything, and you get the quarterback messiah you've always wanted for $7 million less.

Tom Michaels: [glancing at Walt] Nah. No, I can't do it. I'd look like an idiot, like I panicked. You take him. You obviously don't want to. I'll stick with my draft picks.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Yeah, but you want him, Tom, don't you? Seahawks fans want a hero, and you denied 'em.

Tom Michaels: Not that bad.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Don't lie to me. I checked all the Seahawks fan blogs and chat rooms. They're all calling for your head. Ever since you traded away Callahan, the barbarians are at the gate.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I have the golden ticket now, Tom, and if I give it to you, and if I give it to you, you get to save Seahawk football in Seattle.

Tom Michaels: Um... how 'bout I give you number two picks?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: No. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No, I want my picks back. All of 'em. I want all three years of this team's future back.

Tom Michaels: That's not fair!

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Well, you wanna cry about it, Tom, or you wanna make a little magic before the clock runs out on both of us?

Walt Gordon: $7 million cheaper solves our salary cap problem. We're still gonna give the fans what they want.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Okay. Screw it! No more offer. It's off the table, Tom. I'm taking Callahan.

Tom Michaels: Whoa, whoa, no, no. Wait, wait! All right. You have a deal. I'll give you your picks. We have a deal.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [urging his scouts to be silent, he mutes the call] What else do we need?

Ali: Special teams. Putney! Get Putney!

Thompson: [the scouts all mutter in agreement] David Putney.

Coach Penn: Yeah. Putney.

Tom Michaels: Hello? Sonny?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [unmuting the call] I'm sorry, that deal's now off the table.

Tom Michaels: What?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: We live in a different world than we did just thirty seconds ago.

Tom Michaels: What? What do you want now?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I want my picks back, and I want David Putney. I need a punt returner.

Tom Michaels: Where the hell'd that come from?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: [making a trade with Seattle] Okay, this means we're picking next, all right? Back at seven, where we started. Tom's gonna take Bo. So who do we got?

Coach Penn: Ray Jennings. We take Ray Jennings.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: That's right. Cleveland royalty. Haven't I been telling everybody that that's what we need, a running back? Still wanna quit, Coach?

Coach Penn: What?

Sonny Weaver Jr.: Does this sound like a team that you wanna coach? Because the Browns are ready to roll. We just need the right man at the wheel.

Coach Penn: I can coach this team.

Sonny Weaver Jr.: I know you can. Why don't you give Ray Jennings a call? And ask him if he wants to be a Brown. Then tell him to pack his bags so he can join us at our party.

Coach Penn: My pleasure, boss.

Chris Berman: General manager Sonny Weaver, Jr. took one pick in the first round, the number seven pick. He sprinkled it with fairy dust, wished upon a star, and somehow, he turned it into not one, not two, but three potentially impactful players for his team next year. One pick!

Rich Eisen: He took a chance and went with his gut and took his guys. Make no mistake about it, the Cleveland Browns are his team now for sure.