Diary of the Dead Quotes

Police Officer: Fucking shoots his wife and kid, and then eats the licorice. Sticks it in his mouth and blows his own brains out.

Brody: This can't be fucking happening!

Debra: [voiceover] We made a film - the one I'm going to show you now. Actually, Jason was the one who wanted to make it. Like that cameraman from Channel 10, he wanted to upload it so that people, you, could be told the truth. The film was shot with a Panasonic HDX-900 and an HBX-200. I did the final cut on Jason's laptop. I've added music occasionally for effect, hoping to scare you. You see, in addition to trying to tell you the truth, I am hoping to scare you so that maybe you'll wake up. Maybe you won't make any of the same mistakes that we made. Anyway, here it is, Jason Creed's The Death of Death.

Jason: [to Ridley, who's playing a mummy] How many times have I told you? Dead things don't move fast. You're a corpse, for Christ's sakes. If you run that fast, your ankles are gonna snap off.

Debra: Jason always wanted to be a documentary filmmaker. But for his senior class project, he decided to try to make a horror film. That's what he was shooting on that first night, the night when... everything changed.

Andrew Maxwell: The problem doesn't seem to be that people are waking up dead, but that dead people are waking up.

Eliot Stone: [after Ridley drives off with Francine] Fuckin' mummies get all the girls.

Debra: [voiceover] It's funny. You spend so much time resenting your parents, separating yourself, building your own life. But as soon as the shit hits the fan, the only place you want to go is home.

Debra: I'm just trying to get home too, okay? Like Mary. And I'm wondering why my boyfriend has a camera plastered to his face.

Tracy Thurman: Don't mess with Texas!

Andrew Maxwell: [referring to flask] I'm running low. I'd like to make it to a state store before they all shut their doors forever. God, there's a terrible thought. A world where a gentleman can't buy a bottle of bourbon.

Tony Ravello: [yelling into abandoned hospital] Hello! We're not dead!

Jason: [as a zombie approaches] Shoot him in the head!

Debra: [to Jason] If it didn't happen on camera, it's like it didn't happen, right?

Andrew Maxwell: You're stuttering, Mr. Creed. Don't try to speak, just shoot. Shoot your picture. Shoot for as long as your hard drive holds out. As long as you have power.

Andrew Maxwell: [handing gun to Tony] Take this. It's too easy to use.

Debra: [voice-over] It's interesting how quickly we find out what we're capable of becoming. Up until that night, we had lived predictable lives. Now... we would never be able to predict what might happen next. God had changed the rules on us. And surprisingly, we were playing along.

Debra: [handing camera away] Take this. It's too easy to use.

Debra: [voiceover] Jason was compelled. I had never seen him like that before. What is it? What gets into our heads when we see something horrible? A horrible accident on the highway. Something keeps us from just driving on. Something holds us. But we don't stop to help. We stop to look.

Newsreader: Lock yourself inside! Don't trust anyone, not even those you love.

Samuel: [writing on blackboard after blowing up zombies] I'm Samuel. Hello.

Newsreader: They are monsters, monsters who prey on the flesh of the living.

Newsreader: We've come here concerned about people crossing the border into our country. But that's not the problem anymore. The problem now is all those creatures crossing the border between life and death.

Police Chief: These attacks were carried out by a bunch of illegal immigrants who were mistakenly pronounced dead before the attacks took place. The only time they were dead was when my guys shot 'em.

Debra: [voiceover] The media were lying to us, or the government was lying to them. They were trying to make it seem like everything was gonna be all right.

Jason: All over the world, people learning how to survive by seeing how we've managed to survive.

Stranger: One of my men had a bad heart. He died. Thing is we don't know where he went.

Jason: Fuck. $100,000 education, I can't find my way out of a fucking warehouse.

Asian Woman: Don't bury dead. First shoot in head.

Debra: Technology is terrific, Eliot, except when it doesn't work.

Debra: [voiceover] The more voices there are, the more spin there is. The truth becomes that much harder to find. In the end it's all just noise.

Debra: Everyone who dies, unless they get a bullet in the head, is gonna come back and try to kill someone else.

Andrew Maxwell: [upon seeing Ridley's mansion] It's like what god might have built, if only he had the money.

Ridley Wilmott: Something tells me you're gonna be here for a while.

Jason: [to Ridley] See? I told you dead things move slow!

Jason: All that's left is to record what's happening for whoever remains when it's over.

Jason: [handing Debra camera] Shoot me.

Jason: Hi, my name is Jay... Jason Creed, and I have been given the opportunity, given the gift to be able to document the events that have suddenly landed in my lap. And I just want to let you guys know, the audience know, that I'm gonna do my best to capture the truth with me and my friends. There's gonna be no fakeness. I'm gonna go after everything. Really raw, really real. And I'm going to do the best job I can. And I'm just really excited to be given this opportunity. And I am not going to fuck it up.

SWAT Team Member: Don't shoot him in the head, shoot him in the heart. Let him fuckin' wake up dead.