Detective Story Quotes

Lieutenant Monaghan: Can't you say "Yes, sir" without makin' it sound like an insult?

Detective James McLeod: Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Monaghan: You're gettin' too superior, McLeod, a one-man army against crime. What's eatin' you?

Detective James McLeod: I hate criminals. I don't believe in coddling them.

Detective James McLeod: At an autopsy the other day I watched the medical examiner saw off the top of a man's skull, take out the brain and hold it in his hand.

[holds out his hand]

Detective James McLeod: Like that.

Mary McLeod: Why are you telling me this?

Detective James McLeod: Because I'd give my soul to take out my brain, hold it under the faucet and wash away the dirty pictures you put there tonight.

Mary McLeod: Dirty pictures?

Detective James McLeod: Yes!

Mary McLeod: Oh, I see. I see. Yes, that would be fine... if we could. But when you wash away what I may have put there, you'll find you've a rotten spot in your brain, Jim. And it's growing. I know, I've watched it.

Detective James McLeod: Where's your boy?

[Asking about Karl Schneider]

Lieutenant Monaghan: He's ready to surrender himself on the warrant you had issued.

Detective James McLeod: Fine. Bring him in.

Endicott Sims: Before I do, I have here some photographs. Now these were taken only an hour ago.

Lieutenant Monaghan: Nudes. Ugly, isn't he?

Endicott Sims: He's no Mr. America.

Lieutenant Monaghan: No, that he's not.

Endicott Sims: Now you'll observe there are no bruises or lacerations of any kind. This is the way I'm delivering my client to you, and this is the way I want him back.

Detective James McLeod: I should think that any change whatsoever would be an improvement.

Detective James McLeod: I ought to fall on you like the sword of God.

Karl Schneider: That sword has two edges. You could cut your own throat.

Detective James McLeod: I'm going to give you a piece of advice, Karl. When they let you free again, get out of New York. You butcher one more patient and law or no law, I'll find you. I'll put a bullet in the back of your head, and I'll drop your body in the East River. And I'll go home and I'll sleep sweetly.

Karl Schneider: You don't frighten me. Now I'll give you some advice. I have plenty on you, too. I know why you're so vindictive.

Detective James McLeod: Why?

Karl Schneider: Just watch your step. Because I happen to have friends, downtown, with pull.

Detective James McLeod: Have you?

Karl Schneider: Lots of pull.

Detective James McLeod: Well, what do you know? Aren't you the big shot? Pull. Have you got any friends with push, like that?

[Shoves him and begins slapping him]

Detective James McLeod: [leaving the office] Mind if I shave?

Lieutenant Monaghan: Gotta have the last word, don't ya?

Detective James McLeod: Detective James McLeod. In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost; Oh my God, I am heartfully sorry for having offended Thee. And I detest all of my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell.

Det. Lou Brody: Detective Lou Brody. But most of all, for having offended Thee my Lord Who art all good and deserving of my love, that I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen.