Despicable Me 2 Quotes

[Agent Lucy sends Gru, completely soaked and with a starfish stuck to his head, out of the car trunk of her spy car]

Gru: [weakly] Pins and needles!

[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]

Gru: Good night, Edith.

[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]

Gru: Good night, Margo.

[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]

Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?

Margo: No one. Just my friend Avery.

Gru: Avery...

[confused]

Gru: Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?

Margo: Does it matter?

Gru: No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!

Agnes: I know what makes you a boy.

Gru: [concerned] Uhh... Oooh... you... do?

Agnes: Your bald head.

Gru: [relieved] Oh... yes.

Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.

[imitating a chick]

Agnes: Peep-peep-peep.

Gru: Good night, Agnes.

[kisses her forehead]

Gru: Never get older.

Gru: I have accepted a new job.

Margo: Whoa! Really?

Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

Edith: You're gonna be a spy?

Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

Edith: [amazed] Awesome!

Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?

Gru: [coolly] Yes.

[puts on a pair of sunglasses]

Gru: Yes, I am.

Dave: [copies him] Mocha!

Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!

Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,

[chuckles]

Jillian: Gru! It's Jillian!

Gru: [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here.

Agnes: Gru's not here!

Jillian: Are you sure?

Agnes: Yes, he just told me.

Jillian: [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru?

[Gru zips his lip]

Agnes: He's... putting on lipstick!

[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]

Agnes: He's... swatting on flies!

[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]

Agnes: He's... chopping his head off!

[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]

Agnes: He's...

[confused]

Agnes: pooping?

Margo: [to Gru; glaring at Antonio] I hate boys.

Gru: Yes, they stink.

Gru: [in falsetto] It is I, Gru-

[pauses]

Gru: zinkerbell, the most magical faerie princess of all!

Young Boy: [interrupts] How come you're so fat?

Gru: [annoyed] Because my house is made out of candy, and sometimes,

[while hitting boy with wand]

Gru: I eat instead of facing my problems!

Lucy: Mr Gru?

Gru: [stammering] Wha... I didn't... Wha... yes?

Lucy: [takes off her sunglasses] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.

[shows her AVL credentials; noticing she shows her ID-card upside-down]

Lucy: Oops.

[giggles, then clears her throat]

Lucy: [seriously] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.

Gru: Oh, sorry, I...

[takes his freeze ray out of his polo and fires it]

Gru: Freeze Ray!

[At the same moment, Lucy pulls out a retractable flamethrower, blocking the ray of ice]

Lucy: [puts her flamethrower back in and gently pulls a lipstick-like weapon out of her purse] You know, you really should announce your weapons *after* you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example...

[fires the weapon at Gru, making him drop his freeze ray and flail though some weird movements before finally passing out]

Lucy: [sing-song voice] Lipstick taser!

Silas: I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom.

Additional Minions: [giggles] Bottom.

[laughs]

Silas: Hilarious.

Lucy: [calmly] Don't worry about me, Gru! I'll be fine. I have survived lots worse than this...

[frantically]

Lucy: Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!

Gru: Don't worry, I will get you out of this!

[They both freeze when they see Pollito approach the remote control. They both gasp. Pollito narrows his eyes, then pecks the remote button]

Gru: [morosely] I *really* hate that chicken.

[the rocket launches]

Gru: I'm a father now, with responsibilities, and a legitimate businessman. I'm developing a delicious line of jams and jellies.

Silas: [chuckles] Jams and jellies?

Gru: Oh, attitude. That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.

Silas: Ramsbottom.

Gru: [chuckles sarcastically] Oh yeah, like that's any better.

Lucy: [Tied to a rocket] Oh, hey, Gru! Turns out you were right about the whole El Macho thing, huh?

[mildly]

Lucy: Yay.

Antonio: [suave] And my dream is to one day play video games for a living.

Margo: [romantically] Wow.

[chuckles]

Margo: You're so complicated.

Gru: Margo...

[the tweens look up and, once seeing Gru, Margo gasps in astonisment]

Gru: [attempts a smile] What is going on here?

Margo: Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.

Gru: Me llamo-llama-ding dong.

[serious]

Gru: Who cares? Let's go.

Gru: [sprays Jillian with the hose; dryly] I'm sorry, I did not see you there,

[sprays her again]

Gru: or there.

Agnes: [after rehearing for the Mother's Day play] I don't think I should do this.

Gru: Well, what do you mean? Why not?

Agnes: I don't even have a mom.

Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.

Lucy: [to herself] I choose Gru.

[to the stewardess]

Lucy: I choose Gru!

[runs to the plane's emergency hatch and opens it]

Lucy: Thank you, Gru-stewardess!

Flight Attendant: You're welcome!

[Lucy jumps out of the plane and presses the clasp of her purse, which turns into a hang glider, parasailing off in search of Gru]

Additional Minions: Kevin?

Additional Minions: Hm? Tom? Hello!

Additional Minions: Kampai!

Additional Minions: Kampai!

Additional Minions: [Syringe comes down and Tom looks at it smiling] Huh? Kampai!

Additional Minions: [Tom hits the syringe with a banana and then injected and turns into a purple minion] Bah!

Additional Minions: Pfft HAHAHAHAHA

[Is injected by another syringe]

Additional Minions: Ohh.

Eduardo: I am not afraid of your jelly guns.

Dr. Nefario: Oh, this ain't no jelly gun, sunshine.

[uses the fart gun on El Macho, knocking him out cold from the stench]

Gru: The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service, the 21-fart gun salute!

[21 fart guns fire]

Dr. Nefario: [coughs] Uh, I counted 22.

Margo: Hey, what celebrity do you look like?

Gru: Uh, Bruce Willis.

Margo: Mmm, no.

Agnes: Humpty Dumpty!

Edith: Ooh, Gollum!

Gru: You brought the girls?

Dr. Nefario: Yes. Oh. Was that wrong?

[arriving at the Cinco de Mayo party]

Gru: Okay, let's party! But first, let's go over the rules. Because what is fun without the rules?

[looks at Agnes, whose arms and mouth are already full of churros]

Gru: Agnes, easy on the churros.

[looks at Edith, practicing with her sword]

Gru: Edith, try not to kill anyone.

Edith: [salutes] Hai!

Gru: Margo...?

[sees she is already cozy with Antonio]

Antonio: Hello, Mr. Gru.

[after meeting Margo, Edith, and Agnes]

Gru: Ha-ha... kids, they're funny.

Lucy: Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad.

Gru: Huh... I am pretty fun.

[repeated line]

Edith: Can I be the first to say "eww"?

Eduardo: [comes inside the shop] Hello?

[Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural]

Eduardo: Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are?

Gru: Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.

Eduardo: This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this.

[rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest]

Eduardo: What do you think?

[flexes and makes his chest wave]

Gru: [hides his eyes; disgusted] Look away!

Lucy: [stares at Eduardo] You-Whoa... Hooo...

Eduardo: Anyway, I have to go. It's all settled! I pick 'em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay?

Agnes: [to Margo] Are you sure we should be doing this?

Margo: Yes, it's for his own good.

[searching through Gru's online pictures]

Margo: Okay, we need to choose a picture.

[clicks on one of Gru's photos]

Agnes: No.

[Margo shows another picture]

Agnes: Scary.

Edith: [as Margo shows another photo] Weird.

[the girls scream in horror when Margo shows a picture of Gru in his swimming trunks]

Agnes: [with her eyes covered] What is that?

Eduardo: One push of this button, and I send that rocket straight in the same volcano where I faked my death, only this time... It's for real.

Gru: [horrified] No!

Dave: [swings on a vine like Tarzan and snatches the remote from El Macho's hands] Tally ho!

[hits the roof support and drops the remote which hits three minions on their heads and on the ground]

Gru: [sing-song voice; pointing the weapon to El Macho] Lipstick tazer!

Lucy: [smiles] Aww. He copied me.