-
Davis: Dear Champion Vending Company: I put five quarters in your machine and proceeded to push B2, which should have given me peanut M&M's. Regrettably, it did not. I found this upsetting, as I was very hungry, and also my wife had died ten minutes earlier.
-
Davis: You must be Chris.
Chris: You fucking my mom?
Davis: No, I'm not. We were just sleeping...
Chris: [interrupts] She's fucking crazy. If you haven't noticed, she's a fucking pothead. She calls it cannabis 'cause it makes her feel like less of a fucking pothead.
Davis: You say fuck a lot.
Chris: So?
Davis: So you're just not using it properly.
Chris: The fuck does that mean?
Davis: That's what I mean. Fuck is a great word, but if you use it too much then it just loses its value and you sound stupid.
Chris: Fuck you.
Davis: Exactly. I feel nothing and you sound like an idiot. Have a good one.
[Davis leaves]
Chris: Who the f...
[thinks about it]
-
Davis: Fuck Phil!
-
Davis: Who the fuck drives a station wagon?
-
Davis: What about the boys at school? Is there anybody that you like, that you find attractive?
Chris: Maybe Andrew White. He's a junior, and we have the same gym class too. We have to get changed together.
Davis: Do you watch him when you get changed?
Chris: No.
Davis: Well then I don't think you're gay, Chris.
Chris: I have to try not to look. I have to tell myself not to.
Davis: Yeah, no, that's normal, you know. I mean, you're young and curious, it's...
Chris: Sometimes I imagine his dick in my mouth.
Davis: Oh. That's different.
-
Ray: Nobody wants carousels anymore. They want roller coasters that go upside down and make you puke.
-
Phil: Man loses his wife, he's a widower. Child loses a parent, they're an orphan. But losing a child... there is no word for this. And it shouldn't be.
-
Davis: Excuse me, is Karen Moreno here?
Bucaneer Diner Waitress: Who?
Davis: Blonde hair, hazel eyes, but not hispanic like her name suggests.
-
Davis: [to Phil] There was love between us your daughter and I, it's just that I didn't hold onto it well enough
-
[last lines]
Chris: [in his letter] Dear Davis, thanks for your letter. I'm recovering slowly but surely. Despite the ass-kicking, I must say, being myself feels good. By the way, mom left Carl, FYI. I have a little gift for you. Be at pier 64 this Saturday at 11:00 A.M. sharp. Trust me.
Davis: [arrives at the location just in time to see a building demolitioned]
Chris: P.S. Go fuck yourself. Warmest regards, Davis c. Mitchell.
-
Chris: A bulldozer. You know you can buy almost anything on ebay. I just hope it comes with a manual.
-
Chris: [in his kitchen with sledgehammers] What are you exactly doing?
Davis: I'm taking apart my marriage.
[starts swinging]
-
Davis: [thinking] My parents left for Tampa this afternoon, and I stayed at the airport an extra two hours watching people walk back and forth with their luggage in tow. I find I'm suddenly filled with... wait... Overwhelmed by... a growing sense of curiosity. What are in these bags? I wanna know what these people can't do without for four days in buffalo. I wanna go through every one of them and dump their shit in a huge pile.
Davis: And the national guard guy? I wanna hold his gun. I wanna protect my country.
[imagines aiming at bad guys]
-
Karen: [on the phone] I'm sorry again, mister Mitchell. This is so unprofessional.
Davis: Customer service is a profession?
-
Davis: [his first words on the telephone] I just dismantled a $2,000 cappuccino machine.
Karen: Why did you call me, mister Mitchell?
Davis: Why'd you answer?
Karen: There's something about your letters. I'm re-reading one right now in my tub. I'm not bathing or anything. I just sit here.
-
Karen: I can't have sex with you. It'd be dangerous.
Davis: There's that word again. Is Carl really out of town, or did you just chop him up into little pieces and stuff him in your sock drawer?
Karen: That's ridiculous. I don't have a sock drawer.
Davis: Well... where do you keep all your socks?
Karen: In the same drawer as my underwear.
Davis: What? I just... You know, I just think a woman's underwear is deserving of its own space.
-
Dr. Brodkey: [after running some tests] Davis... not sure how to tell you this. Come on. See for yourself...
[now pointing at screen with other doctor's watching]
Dr. Brodkey: Part of your heart is missing.
Davis: What? How did that happen?
Dr. Brodkey: Judging by the bite pattern, I'd say gypsy moths.
Davis: [suddenly jolts back to reality in the doctor's office]
-
Davis: You are one fucked-up kid.
Chris: You're one fucked-up adult.
-
Todd: [Davis has interrupted his scholarship interview] Um... lost my train of thought. We won.
Davis: Oh. What'd you win?
Todd: Swimming. I'm a swimmer.
Davis: Ah. Do you swim? You know, I used to do laps at the Y, and then I realized how many people must urinate in that pool on a daily basis, and that kinda ruined it for me. Yeah.
-
Chris: [shopping at the hardware store] Why you buying all this shit?
Davis: Uh, the tools of the trade, my young friend.
Chris: What trade would that be?
Davis: Destruction, devastation. I mean, haven't you ever wanted to just smash the shit out of something?
-
Chris: [Davis is all serious, but then Chris grabs his cheeks and tries to force Davis to smile] Now hold it, just like that.
-
Todd: So, Karen... can I feel your tits?
-
Phil: The French poet Paul Valéry said, and I think he's right, 'The future isn't what it used to be.'
Demolition Quotes
Extended Reading
