Crash Quotes

[first lines]

Graham: It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

Lara: [referring to the impenetrable cloak] He doesn't have it!

Elizabeth: [confused] He doesn't have what?

Rick: Fuck! Why do these guys have to be black? I mean, why? No matter how we spin this thing, I'm either gonna lose the black vote or I'm gonna lose the law and order vote!

Karen: You know, I think you're worrying too much. You have a lot of support in the black community.

Rick: All right. If we can't duck this thing, we're gonna have to neutralize it. What we need is a picture of me pinning a medal on a black man. Bruce? The firefighter - the one that saved the camp or something - Northridge... what's his name?

Bruce: He's Iraqi.

Rick: He's Iraqi? Well, he looks black.

Bruce: He's dark-skinned, sir, but he's Iraqi, his name's Saddam Hassif.

Rick: Saddam? His name's Saddam? Oh, that's real good, Bruce. Yeah, I'm gonna pin a medal on an Iraqi named Saddam. Give yourself a raise, will you?

Anthony: You wanna get killed, nigger?

Cameron: [punches him] Say that again, man. Call me nigger again.

Anthony: You stupid motherfucker.

Cameron: [after Christine's been molested] Who are you calling?

Christine: I'm gonna report their asses, sons of bitches.

Shaniqua: [talking on the phone] Mr. Ryan, your father has been to the clinic three times in the last month. He's been treated for a urinary tract infection that is by no means an emergency. Now, if you have any more questions about your HMO plan, why don't you make an appointment to come in between ten and four, Monday through Friday.

Officer Ryan: What does my father do about sleeping tonight?

Shaniqua: I don't know. I'm not a Doctor.

Officer Ryan: I wanna talk to your supervisor...

Shaniqua: I am my supervisor!

Officer Ryan: Yeah, what's your name?

Shaniqua: Shaniqua Johnson.

Officer Ryan: Shaniqua. Big fucking surprise that is!

Shaniqua: Oh!

[Shaniqua hangs up]

Jean: I want the locks changed again in the morning.

Rick: You what? Look, why don't you just go lie down, huh? Have you checked on James?

Jean: Well of course I've checked on James. I've checked on him every five minutes since we've been home. Do not patronize me. I want the locks changed again in the morning.

Rick: Shhh. It's ok. Just go to bed, all right?

Jean: [interrupting] You know what, didn't I just tell you not to treat me like a child?

Maria: I'm sorry Mrs. Jean. It's okay?... I go home now?

Rick: It's fine. Thank you very much for staying Maria.

Maria: You're welcome. No problem. Goodnight Mrs. Jean.

Jean: [Rudely] Goodnight.

Rick: [to Maria] We'll see you tomorrow.

Jean: I would like the locks changed again in the morning. And you know what, you might mention that next time we'd appreciate it if they didn't send a gang member...

Rick: A gang member?

Jean: Yes, yes.

Rick: What do you mean? That kid in there?

Jean: Yes. The guy in there with the shaved head, the pants around his ass, the prison tattoos.

Rick: Those are not prison tattoos.

Jean: [Interrupting] Oh really? And he's not gonna go sell our key to one of his gang banger friends the moment he is out our door?

Rick: You've had a really tough night. I think it would be best if you just went upstairs right now and...

Jean: [Interrupting] And what? Wait for them to break in?

Jean: [Yelling] I just had a gun pointed in my face!

Rick: [Agitated] You lower you voice!

Jean: [Yelling] ... and it was my fault because I knew it was gonna happen. But if a white person sees two black men walking towards her and she turns and walks in the other direction, she's a racist, right?

[Furious]

Jean: Well I got scared and I didn't say anything and ten seconds later I had a

[Jabbing her finger into Rick's chest]

Jean: gun in my face. Now I am telling you, your amigo in there is gonna sell our key to one of his homies and this time it'd be really fucking great if you acted like you actually gave a shit!

Graham: [on the phone] Mom, I can't talk to you right now, okay? I'm having sex with a white woman.

[hangs up, and Ria gets out of bed]

Graham: OK, where were we?

Ria: I was white, and you were about to jerk off in the shower.

Graham: Oh, shit. Come on. I would have said you were Mexican, but I don't think it would have pissed her off as much.

Ria: Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?

Graham: Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone.

Ria: That's just where I begin to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way, huh?

Graham: Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?

Ria: If I was your father, I'd kick your fucking ass.

Graham: OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?

Ria: You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither one of those is Mexico.

Graham: Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?

Jean: Do you want to hear something funny?

Maria: What's that Mrs. Jean?

Jean: You're the best friend I've got.

Anthony: No, no, no, take that voodoo-ass thing off of there right now!

Peter: I know you just didn't call St. Christopher voodoo. Man's the patron saint of travelers, dog.

Anthony: You had a conversation with God, huh? What did God say? Go forth, my son, and leave big slobbery suction rings on every dashboard you find? Why the hell do you do that?

Peter: Look at the way your crazy ass drive, then ask me that again!

Officer Hanson: I'm trying to help you.

Cameron: I didn't ask for your help, did I?

Anthony: You see any white people in there waiting an hour and thirty two minutes for a plate of spaghetti? Huh? And how many cups of coffee did we get?

Peter: You don't drink coffee and I didn't want any.

Anthony: That woman poured cup after cup to every single white person around us. Did she even ask you if you wanted any?

Peter: We didn't get any coffee that you didn't want and I didn't order, and this is evidence of racial discrimination? Did you happen to notice our waitress was black?

Anthony: And black women don't think in stereotypes? You tell me something man. When was the last time you met one who didn't think she knew everything about your lazy ass? Before you even open your mouth, huh?

Officer Ryan: You think you know who you are?

[Officer Hanson nods]

Officer Ryan: You have no idea.

Anthony: Look around! You couldn't find a whiter, safer or better lit part of this city. But this white woman sees two black guys, who look like UCLA students, strolling down the sidewalk and her reaction is blind fear. I mean, look at us! Are we dressed like gang-bangers? Huh? No. Do we look threatening? No. Fact, if anybody should be scared around here, it's us: We're the only two black faces surrounded by a sea of over-caffeinated white people, patrolled by the triggerhappy LAPD. So you tell me, why aren't we scared?

Peter: Because we have guns?

Anthony: You could be right.

Anthony: You could fill the Staple Center with what you don't know.

Peter: The Kings are playing tonight.

Anthony: You don't like hockey! Only reason you say you do is to piss me off!

Peter: ...I love hockey.

[Peter notices a St. Christopher statue in Hanson's car and starts laughing]

Officer Hanson: Something else funny?

Peter: Oh, yeah.

Officer Hanson: Yeah? What's that?

Peter: People, man. People.

Officer Hanson: People like me?

Peter: No, no, no, no. I'm not laughin' at you, man.

Officer Hanson: I can see that. Why don't you laugh outside?

Peter: Why are you gettin' all bent outta shape?

Officer Hanson: I'm not gettin' bent, man. Just pulling over.

[Hanson pulls over his car to the side of the road]

Peter: Come on, man, keep drivin'. I said I'm not laughing at you.

Officer Hanson: And I'm not telling you to get the fuck out of my car.

Peter: Why you bein' a fucking jerk, man? Just drive the car.

Officer Hanson: I've got a better idea. Get out, now.

Peter: Fine. You want me to show you? I'll show you.

[Peter puts his hand in his pocket]

Officer Hanson: Get your hands out of your pocket. Put your hands where I can see 'em!

Peter: Who the fuck you think you're talkin' to?

Officer Hanson: Put your hands where I can see them!

Peter: You wanna see what's in my hands? Here, I'll show you what's in my fuckin' hands!

[Peter puts his hand back in his pocket, Hanson grabs his gun and shoots Peter. As Peter dies, his hand opens up to reveal a St. Christopher statue]

Lara: How far can bullets go?

Daniel: They go pretty far but they usually get stuck in something and stop.

Lara: What if they don't?

Daniel: Are you thinking about that bullet that came through your window?

Lara: I heard a bang.

Daniel: What, like a truck bang?

Lara: Like a gun.

[last lines]

Shaniqua: Ahh! Oh, my God. What the hell is wrong with you people? Uh-uh! Don't talk to me unless you speak American!

Anthony: That waitress sized us up in two seconds. We're black and black people don't tip. So she wasn't gonna waste her time. Now somebody like that? Nothing you can do to change their mind.

Peter: So, uh... how much did you leave?

Anthony: You expect me to pay for that kind of service?

Lucien: You watch the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: Not a lot.

Peter: They got some good shit on that channel.

Lucien: Every night there is a show with somebody shining a little blue light and finding tiny specks of blood splattered on carpets and walls and ceiling fans, bathroom fixtures and special-edition plastic Burger King tray cups. The next thing they show is some stupid redneck in handcuffs who looks absolutely stunned that this is happening to him. Sometimes the redneck is actually WATCHING the Discovery Channel when they break in to arrest him. And he still can't figure out how on earth they could've caught him!

[pauses]

Lucien: Psst. Do I look like I wanna be on the Discovery Channel?

Anthony: No.

Lucien: Then get the fuck outta my shop.

Graham: I swear to you, Mom. I'll find whoever killed him.

Graham's Mother: Oh, I already know who killed him. You did. I asked you to find your brother, but you were too busy for us. We weren't much good to you anymore, were we? You got things to do. You go ahead. I'll sign the papers.

Cameron: I mean, sooner or later, you gotta find out what it's really like to be black.

Christine: Oh, fuck you man! Like you'd know! The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching "The Cosby Show".

Cameron: Yeah, well, at least I wasn't watching it with the rest of the equestrian team.

Anthony: [as he let go all the Asian people that are in the truck] Look, here's 40 bucks. Buy everybody chop suey. You understand?

[an Asian man takes the money and doesn't say anything as he leaves]

Anthony: Dopey fucking Chinaman.

Motorcycle Cop: Calm down, ma'am.

Kim Lee: I am calm.

Motorcycle Cop: I need to see your registration and insurance.

Kim Lee: Why? Not my fault! It's her fault! She do this!

Ria: [approaching] My fault?

Motorcycle Cop: Ma'am, you really need to wait in your vehicle.

Ria: [appraoching] My fault?

Kim Lee: Stop in the middle of street! Mexicans! No know how to drive! She blake too fast!

Ria: I "blake" too fast? I "blake" too fast? I'm sorry, you no see my "blake lights"?

Motorcycle Cop: [to Ria] Ma'am...

Ria: [to Kim Lee] See, I stop when I see long line of cars stop in front of me. Maybe you see over steering wheel, you "blake" too.

Motorcycle Cop: [to Ria] Ma'am...

Ria: Officer, can you please write down in your report how shocked I am to be hit by an Asian driver?

Cop At Scene: Hey, Detective. Nice entrance.

Graham: Fuck you.

[to Detective Carr]

Graham: Hey.

Detective Carr: You okay?

Graham: I'm freezing.

Detective Carr: Shit. I heard it might snow.

Graham: Get outta here.

Detective Carr: That's what I heard.

Graham: You got a smoke?

Detective Carr: Nah, quit.

Graham: Yeah, me, too. What have you got?

Detective Carr: Dead kid.

Gun Store Owner: Andy, get him out of here now!

Dorri: [to Farhad] Go, wait in the car.

Farhad: [to Gun Store Owner] You are ignorant man!

Gun Store Owner: I'm ignorant. You're liberating my country, and I'm flying seven four sevens into your mud huts and incinerating my friends. Get the fuck out of my store!

Peter: Get the fuck out of the car!

Anthony: Give me the keys!

Graham: That is a nice gun.

Ria: Well, the car is registered to a Cindy Bradley. And that's not Cindy. That is a William Lewis.

[hands him a wallet]

Ria: Found under the front seat. Hollywood Division.

Graham: Looks like Detective Conklin shot himself the wrong nigga.

Jean: How much longer are you going to be?

Daniel: Not. This is the last one.

Jean: Thank you.

Christine: [to Cameron] Fuck you, Cameron!

[to Ryan]

Christine: And you, keep your filthy fuckin' hands off me! Ow! You fucking pig!

Cameron: Christine, just stop taking.

Officer Ryan: [to Christine] That's quite a mouth you have.

[to Cameron]

Officer Ryan: Course, you know that.

Christine: Fuck you! That's what this is all about, isn't it? You thought you saw a white woman blowing a black man, and that just drove your little cracker ass crazy!

Cameron: Christine, shut your fuckin' mouth!

Officer Ryan: I'd listen to your husband, Ma'am. Put your legs open. Now, do you have any guns or knives or anything I might get stuck with?

Officer Hanson: Hey. Maybe they didn't tell you, but I've been reassigned.

Officer Ryan: Yeah, they told me. I just wanted to say good luck and it was good riding with you.

Officer Hanson: You too.

Officer Ryan: Wait 'till you've been on the job a few more years. Look at me.

Officer Hanson: Yeah.

Officer Ryan: Look at me. Wait 'till you've been doing it a little longer.

Officer Hanson: Radio cheque two one L two three.

Officer #1: Two one L two three. I'm hearing strange noises from your car.

Officer #2: Likewise, twenty one, L. Is your mic open by any chance?

Flanagan: Fucking black people, huh?

Graham: What did you just say?

Flanagan: I mean, I know all the sociological reasons why, per capita eight times more black men are incarcerated than white men... Schools are a disgrace, lack of opportunity, bias in the judicial system, all that stuff... But still... but still, it's... it's gotta get to you, I mean, on a gut level, as a black man. They just can't keep their hands out of the cookie jar.

Flanagan: Actually, we were thinking of you until we saw that. It's your brothers file. Twenty something years old and already three felonys. Three Strikes Law, the kid's going away for life for stealing a car. Christ, that's a shitty law. There's a warrant in there. But still, he had every opportunity you had. Fucking black people, huh?

Graham: So, uh... all I need to do to make this disappear is to frame a potentially innocent man.

Flanagan: What are you? The fucking Defender of All Things White? We're talking about a white that shot three black men and you're arguing with me, that maybe we're not being "fair" to him? You know, what? Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe Lewis did provoke this. Maybe he got exactly what was coming to him. Or, maybe, stoned or not, being a black man in the valley was enough to get him killed. There was no one there to see who shot first, so there is no way way to know. Which means, we could get this wrong. Maybe that's what happened with your brother. Maybe we got it wrong. Maybe Lewis isn't the only one who deserves the benefit of the doubt. You're the one closest to all this. You need to tell us. What does your gut tell you?

Flanagan: The D.A's squad loses its lead investigator next month. Rick is quite adamant that his replacement be a person of color. It's a high profile position, and he wants to send the right message to the community.

Graham: And the right message is look at this Black Boy I bought?

Graham's Mother: Did you find your brother?

Graham: No, Ma.

Graham's Mother: Tell him to come home. Tell him I'm not mad, okay? Okay, baby?

Lara: Daddy!

Daniel: Honey, stay inside!

Officer Ryan: Put your hands on top of your head, Ma'am.

Cameron: Now, you just do what he says.

Anthony: Get the fuck outta the car!

Cameron: You get the fuck outta the car!

Anthony: Get outta the fucking car!

Cameron: It's my fucking car!

Anthony: It's my fucking gun!

[Cameron grabs Anthony's gun]

Cameron: Fuck, it's my gun now!

Anthony: Gimme my fucking gun!

Officer Ryan: [approaching the bathroom] Hey, Pop, are you OK?

Pop Ryan: [sitting on the bowl] If I could piss, I'd be OK.

Fred: [On a movie set] I think we need another take.

Cameron: That looked pretty terrific.

Fred: This is going to sound strange but is Jamal seeing a speech coach?

Cameron: What do you mean?

Fred: This is weird for a white guy to say this, but have you noticed he's been talking a lot less "black" lately?

Cameron: No, I haven't noticed that.

Fred: Really? Like in this scene, he's supposed to say "don't be talking about that", and he changed it to "don't talk to me about that".

Cameron: You think because of that the audience won't recognize him as a black man?

Fred: Is there a problem?

Cameron: Excuse me?

Fred: Is there a problem?

Cameron: No, we don't have a problem.

Fred: All I'm saying it's not his character. Eddie is supposed to be the smart one, not Jamal, right? You're the expert here but to me it rings false.

Shaniqua: Mr. Ryan, my name is Shaniqua Johnson. I believe we spoke last night.

Officer Ryan: Yeah, I wanted to apologize. I haven't been too much sleep and my father's in a lot of pain.

Shaniqua: I'm sorry to hear that.

Officer Ryan: The doctor he's seeing says he's got a urinary tract infection, but he's been taking this medicine for a month now and seems to be getting worse.

Shaniqua: And he's been back to see Dr. Roberts?

Officer Ryan: Between you and me, the man's an idiot.

Shaniqua: Really?

Officer Ryan: Well, no offense, but the doctor sees a hundred patients an hour, I think his nurses are doing most of the work.

Shaniqua: If your father is unhappy with Dr. Roberts he's welcome to see a doctor outside the network.

Officer Ryan: And if this new doctor says it's not an infection and says it's his prostate and needs to be operated on, is it going to be covered?

Shaniqua: Not unless Dr. Roberts authorizes it.

Officer Ryan: Then what good is that going to do?

Shaniqua: I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do.

Officer Ryan: You know what I can't do? I can't look at you without thinking about the five or six more qualified white men that didn't get your job.

Shaniqua: It's time for you to go.

Officer Ryan: I'm saying this because I'm really hoping I'm wrong about you. I'm hoping someone like yourself, someone who has been given a helping hand might have a little compassion for someone else in a similar situation.

Officer Hanson: I don't want to cause any problems lieutenant, I just want a new partner.

Lt. Dixon: I understand, your partner is a racist prick, but you don't want to disturb any bad feelings for him.

Officer Hanson: Well, he's been on the force for a long time.

Lt. Dixon: Seventeen years.

Officer Hanson: And I do have to work here, Sir.

Lt. Dixon: So, you don't mind if there's a racist prick on the force, you just don't want him riding in your car?

Officer Hanson: If you need me to go on record about this, I will.

Lt. Dixon: That'd be great, write a full report. But I'm anxious to understand how an obvious bigot can go undetected for seventeen years, eleven of which he was under my personal supervision, which doesn't speak too highly of my managerial skills, but that's not your concern. I can't wait to read it.

Officer Hanson: What if i said I wanted a new partner for personal reasons?

Lt. Dixon: So now you're saying he's not a racist prick, you just don't like him?

Officer Hanson: Yes, Sir.

Lt. Dixon: That's not a good enough reason.

Officer Hanson: Then I should think of a better one and get back to you.

Lt. Dixon: So, you think I'm asking you to make one up?

Officer Hanson: No, Sir. I just can't think of one right now.

Lt. Dixon: You want to know what I heard? I heard it was a case of uncontrollable flatulence.

Officer Hanson: You want me to say he has flatulence?

Lt. Dixon: Not him, you. You have uncontrollable flatulence and your too embarrassed to ride with anyone else. That's why your requesting a one man car.

Officer Hanson: I'm not comfortable with that, lieutenant.

Lt. Dixon: I wouldn't be either, which is why I understand your need for privacy, just like I'm sure you understand how hard a black man must work to get to stay where I am in a racist organization like the LAPD, and how easily that can be taken away. That being said, it's your decision. You can put your career and mine on the line in pursuit of a just cause, or just admit to have an embarrassing problem of the personal nature.

Flanagan: Internal affairs says Conklin has two suspicious shootings on his record both black men, both times he was cleared because he cited self defense. Detective Lewis makes black man number three do you know any reason we should investigate further?

Graham: It's more complicated than we originally thought. We found three hundred thousand dollars in the trunk of the car Detective Lewis was driving. The car is registered to a Cindy Bradley. We haven't been able to get in touch with because she apparently left town.

Flanagan: So it wasn't Lewis's car he might not have even known the money was in it.

Graham: You really think you'll be able to make that fly?

Flanagan: we have attorneys for this slain police officer camping in our offices. We have his mother and half a dozen men of "the cloth" who swear that Lewis was one of the twelve apostles of Christ. We have two black city council men and a Congresswoman who called on the hour every hour demanding what the district attorney intends to do about this and you want the DA to walk into that press room and tell them all that the situation is "complicated"? Who knows about the money?

Graham: [Sensing Flanagan is implying a cover up] You've got to be kidding

Flanagan: There's only two people in this room

Graham: Myself, my partner, Jim Ferguson and Internal Affairs

Flanagan: I guess I don't see a problem here as it wasn't Lewis's fault the money isn't evidence of any wrongdoing and even if it was we aren't going to prosecute a dead man which means the money Internal Affairs is holding can't even be considered evidence.

Graham: We can do this whole dance if you want to but I'm willing to bet when the coroner's report comes back tomorrow it's going to say that Lewis was coked out of his head.

Cameron: You fucking want me? Here I am you pig fuck

Officer Hill: Face down on the ground spread your arms and legs

Cameron: No you face down on the ground spread your arms and legs

Officer Hill: Don't come any closer, down on your knees

Cameron: Fuck you what are you going to do? Pull the fucking trigger then

Officer Hill: On your knees now

Cameron: You get on your knees and suck my mother fucking dick while your down there

Officer Hill: Do I look like I'm fucking joking with you?

Cameron: You look like a fucking joke to me

Officer Hill: This man is making threatening gestures

Cameron: Threatening gestures? You want to see a threatening gesture? I got a threatening gesture for you

Officer Hanson: I know this man

Cameron: You don't fucking know me

Officer Hanson: You see what's happening here? Do you want to die here? Is that what you want? Because these guys are going to shoot you and the way your acting they'll be completely fucking justified

Cameron: Fuck you

Officer Hanson: Fuck me? I'm not the one whose fucked here you're the one who's fucked here because it's not going to be my head blown off and onto that man's patio

Cameron: What do you want from me?

Officer Hanson: Unless you think your wife is going to be better off with a husband who has a bloody stump for a head I want you to sit down on the curb and put your hands on your head and do nothing until I speak with these officers

Cameron: I'm not sitting on the curb and putting my hands on my head for nobody

Officer Hanson: Then stand where you are and keep your hands in plain sight can you do that?

Cameron: I can do that

Officer Hanson: I told this man to stand where he is and keep his hands in plain sight

Officer Hill: This man better be related to you by blood because this is fucking nuts

Officer Hanson: I need this favor you can check the guy's license his got no priors no warrants I need to let him go with a "warning"

Officer Hill: What kind of fucking "warning"?