Cop Out Quotes

Paul Hodges: [screaming random movie lines to get a suspect to talk] Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!

Jimmy Monroe: I've never seen that movie before.

Paul Hodges: Why did you smack me?

Jimmy Monroe: I was in the moment and the moment said smack ya.

Jimmy Monroe: Ma'am, ma'am.

Laura: Whats going on?

Paul Hodges: Somebody just broke into your house.

Laura: [while pulling out gun] I'm gonna go take care of the son of a... B, myself.

Jimmy Monroe: Whoa, whoa, ma'am.

Kevin: You gonna smoke somebody?

Paul Hodges: Put the gun down.

Laura: I know my rights!

Jimmy Monroe: [while trying not to swear in front of young boy] Lady, put the f-in' gun, down on the ground right now, take your son across the f-in' street, AND STAY THERE TILL WE COME AND GET YOU! Jesus... C.

Paul Hodges: You know, the bonobo chimpanzee is the only non-human primate that has oral sex?

Jimmy Monroe: Where do you find the time to watch "Animal Planet"? I'm with you 25 hours a day!

Paul Hodges: [Pointing to head] I have to feed this. I have to feed this.

Jimmy Monroe: Well, you're a compendium of fucking useless information.

Paul Hodges: Well, I don't wanna look at reality TV, cause that's the bowels of Hollywood.

Jimmy Monroe: [mumbled] fuckin' Reality TV, fuckin' blows

Paul Hodges: And I like to see chimpanzees gettin' head.

Jimmy Monroe: You got a point.

Jimmy Monroe: This guy's the biggest car thief in Brooklyn, let's be careful

Tommy: [Rolls down the car window, looks up at Paul and Jimmy] You just scratched my ride.

Paul Hodges: What the hell are you doin', Tommy?

Tommy: I'm drivin', bitch.

Paul Hodges: Get out o' the car!

Tommy: Is it I'm black?

Paul Hodges: No! Cause you're TEN!

Tommy: Eleven!

Paul Hodges: Get out o' the car!

Tommy: I was wearin' my seatbelt!

Paul Hodges: Get out o' the car, you little re-peat offender!

Tommy: Fuck!

Paul Hodges: Now we need to know about the Mercedez

[Jimmy looks on with a grin]

Paul Hodges: that was stolen a couple o' nights ago, in the back of a Mini-Mart, in Bay Ridge!

Tommy: I ain't tellin' you shit! You can't DO shit, cause I'm a miiiinor

Jimmy Monroe: Heh heh heh heh

Tommy: Fuck you too, Professor-X-looking Mother Fucker!

Jimmy Monroe: You are an angry young man.

Tommy: Yo, you're messin' with my business, bitch.

Paul Hodges: Whose car is this?

Tommy: Yo Momma's!

Tommy: What?

Paul Hodges: You know, I'm gonna smack the black off you!

Tommy: You can't do anything to me

Paul Hodges: Talk! About the stolen Mercedes-Benz!

Tommy: I'm not tellin' you nothin'

Paul Hodges: No, you gonna tell me somethin' or I'm gonna...

[Tommy kicks Paul in the balls]

Jimmy Monroe: I told ya be careful!

[Paul punches Tommy]

Jimmy Monroe: Paul, did you just punch a little child?

Paul Hodges: There's things you don't know about me, Jim, I'll fuck a little kid up if he kicked me in the dick!

Jimmy Monroe: I been where you are.

Paul Hodges: Roy?

[Jimmy nods]

Paul Hodges: C'mere, man

[Paul spreads his arms wide]

Paul Hodges: You look like you need a hug.

Jimmy Monroe: [Steps back] Whoa. You really read that one wrong.

Paul Hodges: It's just that I'm vulnerable, man.

Jimmy Monroe: How long she been in there?

Paul Hodges: I don't know, does this mean that we're not broken up any more?

Jimmy Monroe: What are you, in the fifth grade?

Paul Hodges: I know what "pellegro" means.

Jimmy Monroe: What's it mean?

Paul Hodges: It's Puerto-Rican for "penguin"

Jimmy Monroe: What do you do?

Hourly Housekeeper: Housekeeping.

Eddie: She's an hourly housekeeper. Hou... Hourly rate. Housekeeper.

Paul Hodges: Jim, I just got SHOT!

Jimmy Monroe: Mozel Tov

Jimmy Monroe: You ready?

Paul Hodges: I'm ready.

[pauses]

Paul Hodges: Let's go be great!

Jimmy Monroe: Do you ever listen to yourself sometimes?

Dave: Knock Knock.

Paul Hodges: Don't do it Jim.

Dave: Do it.

Paul Hodges: If you respect our partnership Jim don't do it.

Dave: Do it.

Jimmy Monroe: Who's there?

Dave: Orange.

Paul Hodges: No. No. Huh Huh. No. No! No! No! Hell No! NO! NO! I refuse to... No! No! Alright Orange who damn it?

Dave: Orange you pissed that your wife is taking it in the ass from another guy right now?

Paul Hodges: OK, how are we going work this?

Jimmy Monroe: Same way we always do. I interrogate him, you write it down.

Paul Hodges: Oh so you're making decisions now? I hope the whole 6-9 know that you're making decisions. I'm going to play the bad guy on this one.

Jimmy Monroe: Doubtful.

Paul Hodges: Un-doubtful.

Jimmy Monroe: Highly doubtful and you know why because you don't play the bad guy. You just steal all the bullshit lines you hear on TV and the movies that you like.

[first lines]

Paul Hodges: You know what today represents? Nine Jim. Nine years me and you been together. *Nine* we been main shit stains. I know some dogs that don't even live to be nine. You're lucky if you get seven years out of a Great Dane. But me and you been puttin' it together for nine...

[whips out a card]

Paul Hodges: Happy anniversary Jim.

Jimmy Monroe: I don't celebrate anniversaries.

Paul Hodges: Jim, open it up. I wanna see the expression on your face.

Jimmy Monroe: You wanna see the expression on my face? The expression you're gonna see on my face is "fuck you".

Jimmy Monroe: You beat up a kid?

Paul Hodges: I needed the bike.

Captain Romans: You can see it on youtube if you want.

Paul Hodges: Really? What, *the* youtube?

Captain Romans: Good job.

Paul Hodges: Captain, how many hits I get?

Captain Romans: There's at least two, the Chief of Police and the Deputy Chief.

Poh Boy: Bless me father, for I'm about to sin.

[gunshot]

Paul Hodges: That's called parkour. It's a French martial art to get you around and over stuff.

Jimmy Monroe: What are you?

Dave: This is police brutality.

Jimmy Monroe: Not yet...

[last lines]

Priest: Who give this bride away?

Jimmy Monroe: I do.

Ava: [mouthing] I love you.

Paul Hodges: What's with the box?

Jimmy Monroe: I gotta sell the Pavco.

Paul Hodges: I heard that. I know that's right... I'm lying. What's a Pavco?

Jimmy Monroe: It's a baseball card.

Paul Hodges: Jimmy, if you need twenty bucks...

Jimmy Monroe: Asshole, I don't need twenty bucks.

Dave: Did you just fall down from the stairs?

Jimmy Monroe: [lying] No!

Barry Mangold: [teasing Monroe after he's been robbed] Mr. Monroe, we are the police. We're here to help. You've been a victim of a crime, do you understand?

Jimmy Monroe: I ain't got no time for this shit.

Barry Mangold: Wow! Oh God!

Hunsaker: You know, based on the uh the emotional state how we should proceed? What do you think? We could get him a psycho avaluation?

Barry Mangold: So we're gonna take you to Bellevue just to make sure you're okay uh huh?

Hunsaker: Now for the record, how long actually have you been a...

[Barry shows a comic book]

Hunsaker: hobbyist?

Barry Mangold: Now, was there any identifying marks on the suspects?

Jimmy Monroe: [remembers of Dave's tattoo] No!

Paul Hodges: Oh, shit. He's taking a shit in the house.

Jimmy Monroe: What kind of guy takes a shit in the same house that he's robbing?

Paul Hodges: I don't know. What kind of guy takes a shit in a high-pressure situation like this? I'm not shitting no where except for my house. I will pitch it in my house for hours before I let it go. But when I let it, here, it goes. Here, she blows. The big brown shark is gonna to come. I set records for my shit turds. I move my bowels all over my toilet. All over my bathroom, I'm moving bowels. I shit so hard sometimes, people next door will be like, "Warriors, come out and play."

Jimmy Monroe: Get him?

Paul Hodges: His head is not there. Is it counted?

Paul Hodges: ohh ahhhhh

Jimmy Monroe: ooh my card

Paul Hodges: Did you know they were gonna make a movie about these two starring Kevin Costner and Robert DeNiro? Yeah, it was called 'The Unfuckables'.

Barry Mangold: I'm not gonna lie to you, I like the idea of Kevin Costner and Robert DeNiro playing us.

Hunsaker: [Imitating DeNiro] Yeah, lil bit.

[the Mortuary Attendant answers the phone]

Mortuary Attendant: Hello?

Mortuary Attendant: Hey, sweetie!

Dave: Hi, sweetie!

[the Mortuary Attendant looks around confused]

Mortuary Attendant: So, um I was thinking we could go out to dinner tonight.

Dave: Oh, dinner. Where are we going?

[the Mortuary Attendant looks around confused again]

Mortuary Attendant: Could you hand on for a sec, hon? Thanks.

Mortuary Attendant: Hello?

Dave: Hello.

Mortuary Attendant: Is this some kind of joke?

Dave: Why? Do you like jokes?

Dave: Knock, Knock.

Mortuary Attendant: Who's there?

Dave: Open.

Mortuary Attendant: Open who?

Dave: Open the fucking bag, bitch!

[the Mortuary Attendant opens the body bag and Dave is lying down in the bag pretending to be dead]

Dave: Hi.

[the Mortuary Attendant screams and runs away]

Dave: Yes!