-
Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in Queens have a severe emotional problem?
-
Randy Watson: Give a hand to my band, Sexual Chocolate.
-
Rev. Brown: He helped Joshua fight the battle of Jericho, he helped Daniel get out the lion's den, he helped Gilligan get off the island.
-
Rev. Brown: If lovin' the lord is wrong, I don't want to be right.
-
[while Prince Akeem is getting a bath]
Bather: The royal penis is clean, your Highness.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: We've gone to a great deal of trouble to select for you a very fine wife. Since the day she was born, she was taught to walk and speak and think as a queen.
Prince Akeem: But, father, what if I do not love her?
King Jaffe Joffer: It is normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen.
Queen Aoleon: When I first met your father, I was terrified.
King Jaffe Joffer: I must admit, I was frightened too.
Queen Aoleon: I was so nervous, I became nauseous. But over the years, I have grown to love your father very much.
King Jaffe Joffer: So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea.
-
Prince Akeem: Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?
-
Rev. Brown: [at Black Awareness Rally] But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!
Semmi: [in audience to Akeem] Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home.
Prince Akeem: Be patient, my friend.
Rev. Brown: Do you love Him? Do you feel joy? Say "Joy"!
Prince Akeem: Joy!
Rev. Brown: Joy! Can I get an "Ahe-men"? Don't be ashamed to call His name!
Awareness Woman: Yes, Lord!
Rev. Brown: Only God can give that woman the kind of joy she has right there! Make a joyful noise unto the Lord!
Prince Akeem: I am very happy to be here!
Rev. Brown: Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an "Amen"? Ha! Ha! I don't know you what you come to do, but *I* come to praise the name! Lord, Lord!
-
[King Jaffe Joffer and his entourage, all elaborately dressed, have come to McDowell's fast food restaurant looking for Akeem]
Maurice: Mr. McDowell?
Cleo McDowell: Yes?
Maurice: There's some people here to see you.
Cleo McDowell: They're not from McDonalds are they?
Maurice: I don't think so.
-
Reverend Brown: Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
-
[Cleo McDowell meets the Queen of Zamunda]
Cleo: I don't know whether to shake your hand, or kiss it, or bow, or what.
[chuckles]
Cleo: I feel like breakdancing.
-
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali!
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
-
Cleo: And, baby, when I tell ya the boy has got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own MONEY!
[Presents the currency of Zamunda bearing Akeem's picture]
-
Maurice: Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. In a year or two, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.
-
Cab Driver: This shitty enough for ya?
Prince Akeem: Yes, this is perfect.
-
Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.
Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King.
-
Prince Akeem: But when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before!
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me, I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
-
Oha: [singing] She's your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who'll do whatever his highness desires. She's your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-be.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed and now you're a man who's about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
Prince Akeem: I am not sure if I am ready.
King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never had a talk about this but I always assumed that you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
-
Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets!
-
Landlord: All right, here we are. There's only one bathroom on this floor, so you're going to have to share it. We got a bit of an insect problem, but you boys from Africa are used to that. And another thing, don't use the elevator. It's a death trap. This is the place I was telling you about. It's real fucked up. Got just one window facing a brick wall. Used to rent it to a blind man... damn shame what they did to that dog.
-
Cleo McDowell: Look... me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding. See, they're McDonald's... I'm McDowell's. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.
-
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: It is of no consequence to me.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: I am looking for my son Akeem.
-
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
-
Semmi: Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.
-
Semmi: Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home.
-
Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.
Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!
-
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
-
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend.
-
Lisa McDowell: So why did you come here?
Prince Akeem: To find something special.
Lisa McDowell: It's a long way to travel.
Prince Akeem: No journey is too great when one finds what he seeks.
-
Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son, I'm only going to tell you this one time.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes.
-
Telegraph Lady: You actually want to send this?
Semmi: Why? What is wrong? Read it to me.
Telegraph Lady: To His Majesty, King Jaffe Joffer, The Royal Palace, Zamunda. Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300, 000 American dollars immediately, as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Sem-i.
Semmi: [correcting her] Semmi.
Telegraph Lady: Semmi.
Semmi: Should I make it 400,000?
Telegraph Lady: You think that'd be enough?
Semmi: You are right. 500,000.
Telegraph Lady: As long as you're asking, why not go for a cool million?
Semmi: You do not think that would be too much?
Telegraph Lady: Naah.
-
Clarence: Hey, what's up, brother? You a little late for the Christmas pageant.
King Jaffe Joffer: I am King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda.
Clarence: Have a seat. Chair number two will be ready in a second.
Saul: [touching the lion skin that King Jaffe is wearing] This is beautiful. What is that? Velvet?
-
King Jaffe Joffer: Semmi, you have disgraced yourself and you must be punished. You will confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.
[to Oha]
King Jaffe Joffer: And see that he puts on some decent attire.
[to the rose bearers]
King Jaffe Joffer: And I want you to bathe him thoroughly.
Semmi: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty!
-
Cleo McDowell: [Talking on the phone] Yeah, King Jaffe Joffer's room, please. Yeah, hello, King? Yeah, Cleo McDowell here. Yeah, King, both the kids are here... together. Right. 2432 Derby Avenue, Jamaica Estates. Right. Now, King, I was wondering if - hello, King?
-
Cleo McDowell: A prince. He's a prince. Oh, Lisa, you did it this time. You hit the jackpot. Your little goat herder makes Darryl look like a welfare case.
-
Cleo McDowell: What'd you say to my daughter?
King Jaffe Joffer: I told her the truth. That Akeem could not be interested in her.
Queen Aoleon: How can you be so sure?
King Jaffe Joffer: Oh, come now. Our son cannot consort with such a girl.
Cleo McDowell: Hey, now wait a minute!
King Jaffe Joffer: Oha.
[Oha gets out a chequebook]
King Jaffe Joffer: I know you have been inconvenienced and I am prepared to compensate you. Shall we say one million American dollars?
Cleo McDowell: No way.
King Jaffe Joffer: Very well then, two million.
Cleo McDowell: You haven't got enough money to buy my daughter off.
King Jaffe Joffer: Nonsense!
Queen Aoleon: Jaffe. Apologize to Mr. McDowell.
King Jaffe Joffer: I will do no such thing. The man is beneath me and so is his daughter.
Cleo McDowell: I don't give a damn who you are! This is America, Jack. Now, you say one more word about Lisa here and I'mma break my foot off in your royal ass!
King Jaffe Joffer: Pardon me?
-
Prince Akeem: [shouting from the outside fire escape of his apartment in a rough part of Queens, New York] Good morning, my neighbors!
Voice: Hey, fuck you!
Prince Akeem: [blissfully ignorant of what this means] Yes! Yes! Fuck you too!
-
Semmi: Do you realise that I have not had sex since we got to America?
-
King Jaffe Joffer: [entering Akeem's old apartment to find the landlord sitting in a hot tub] You're not Akeem.
Landlord: I know that.
King Jaffe Joffer: [looking at Akeem's employee of the month award from McDowell's] What is this?
Landlord: A photograph.
King Jaffe Joffer: What is this - McDowell's?
Landlord: It's a place on Queens Boulevard. I think he works there.
King Jaffe Joffer: [outraged] My son works?
-
Clarence: Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: Do not alert him to my presence. I shall deal with him myself.
-
Cleo McDowell: You know how to mop don't you?
Prince Akeem: Oh yes.
[Leaving the mop inside the wheely-bucket begins maneuvering it back and forth along the floor]
Cleo McDowell: Don't use the bucket. It'll just confuse you.
-
Stuck-Up Girl: I'm not interested in a man unless he drives a BMW.
-
Tough Girl: Hey, baby, I'm almost single. My husband's on death row.
-
Strange Woman: I was Joan of Arc in my former life.
-
Prince Akeem: [to hold-up man] It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.
Hold-Up Man: Who the fuck is this asshole?
Prince Akeem: Please refrain from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people.
Hold-Up Man: What?
Prince Akeem: I'm warning you. I will be forced to thrash you.
Hold-Up Man: *Fuck* you!
-
Landlord: [aggressively] OK, now what the fuck do you want?
Prince Akeem: We desire a room.
Landlord: You'd better not be wasting my time. You got money?
[Semmi holds up a wad of cash in a gold money clip]
Landlord: [smiles] Come on in, gentlemen.
-
Landlord: Hey Stu, your rent's due, motherfucker! And don't be pulling that falling down the stairs shit on me, you hear! Are you conscious? Shoot, every month the same damn thing.
-
Prince Akeem: What does dumb fuck mean?
-
Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?
-
Sweets: [Morris drops a chicken bone into the collection basket] Donations! Donations!
Morris: Oh! I thought it was the trash!
-
Clarence: Heyyy, it's the boys from Africa, how y'all doin this evenin'?
Prince Akeem: Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?
Clarence: You gotta get out and look, they ain't just gonna fall on your lap.
Semmi: We've been to every bar in Queens.
Clarence: Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.
-
Darryl Jenks: Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you.
-
Prince Akeem: [tries to hail a cab by stepping directly in front of it and holding up his hand in a commanding way] Halt!
[the cab screeches to a halt]
Cab Driver: [getting out] You dumb fuck!
-
Semmi: [looking at America on a globe] The land is so big. The choices so infinite. Where shall we go, Los Angeles or New York?
-
King Jaffe Joffer: We shall return to Zamunda at once.
Prince Akeem: I will not leave without Lisa.
Queen Aoleon: So you do care for her?
Prince Akeem: Mother, I love her.
Queen Aoleon: Then go after her.
[Akeem kisses her on the forehead and leaves]
King Jaffe Joffer: Akeem! Akeem! I forbid you!
Queen Aoleon: Put a sock in it, Jaffe, the boy is in love.
-
Lisa McDowell: [Lisa and Akeem are about to kiss] What about Patrice?
Prince Akeem: I am not interested in Patrice.
Lisa McDowell: What about Darryl?
Prince Akeem: [dryly] I am not interested in Darryl either.
-
Patrice McDowell: Darryl, what happened?
Darryl Jenks: [soaking wet from rain] Lisa dumped me.
Patrice McDowell: Oh, I know. You poor thing. The first thing we have to do is get you out of these wet clothes.
[Patrice takes off Darryl's jacket and starts unzipping his pants]
-
Devil Woman: I've got a secret...
[Prince Akeem and Semmi lean forward to listen closely]
Devil Woman: I worship the devil.
-
Big Stank Woman: [takes two shots in a row] See, that's the problem. I can't find a man that can satisfy me. Now some guys go an hour, hour in a half, that's it. A man's gotta put in overtime for me to get off.
[takes another shot]
-
Clarence: You know, Sweets, I met Dr. Martin Luther King once.
Sweets: You lyin'. You ain't never met Dr. Martin Luther King.
Clarence: Yeah, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee. I walkin' down the street minding my own business, just walking on. Feelin' good. I walk around the corner, a man walk up, hit me in my chest, right. I fall on the ground, right. And I look up and it's Dr. Martin Luther King. I said 'Dr. King?' and he said 'Ooops, I thought you were some body else.'
Sweets: Oh man, you lyin'. You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.
Clarence: Knocked the wind out of me, yes he did.
Sweets: No, he didn't.
Clarence: Yes, he did.
Sweets: No, he did not!
-
[Prince Akeem gets up from his end of the long dining room table]
Queen Aoleon: What is he doing?
King Jaffe Joffer: I think he's coming down here to talk to us.
-
[Prince Akeem is recognised by an awestruck Zamundan immigrant who has his photo taken with him]
Basketball Game Vendor: I will cherish this experience for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life.
Lisa McDowell: [after he leaves] Who was that?
Prince Akeem: Just a man I met in the restroom.
-
Cleo McDowell: [to Darryl] Look, the girl doesn't like you any more! Can't you get that through your greasy head?
-
Prince Akeem: I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins
-
Saul: [interrupts the end credits] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait, stop right there. Listen. Stop right there a minute. A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; "Is there something wrong with the soup?" He says; "Taste the soup." He says; "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?" He says; "Will you taste the soup?", "What's wrong is the soup to cold?", "Will you just taste the soup?", "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?", "Ah-ha!"
[chuckles]
Saul: "Ah-ha!"
[he laughs, but no one else does]
Saul: What do you know from funny, ya bastard?
-
Semmi: Freeze, you diseased rhinoceros pizzle!
-
Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my twenty-first birthday. Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?
Oha: Most amusing, sir.
[claps hands]
Oha: Wipers!
-
Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma". I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson!
-
[first lines]
Rose Bearer: Good morning, Your Highness.
Rose Bearer: Good morning, Your Highness.
Rose Bearer: Good morning, Your Highness.
Oha: Happy birthday, Your Highness.
Prince Akeem: [thinks] Yes, it *is* my birthday.
-
[last lines]
Lisa McDowell: Would you really have given up all of this just for me?
Prince Akeem: Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now.
Lisa McDowell: [briefly looks around at the crowds cheering them] Nah!
-
Morris: Pound for pound, Sugar Ray Robinson's the greatest fighter that ever lived!
Clarence: Aw, come on, man! What about Joe Louis?
Saul: The Brown Bomber! Now that was a great boxer!
Morris: You damn right!
Sweets: I suppose nobody in here ever heard of Cassius Clay?
Morris: He got a point. Cassius Clay was a bad motherfucker!
Clarence: I ain't saying Clay ain't bad. I'm just saying I stopped liking Cassius Clay once he changed his name to Moh-hammad Ali! What kinda shit is that?
Saul: Wait a second, wait a second! A man has got the right to change his name to whatever he wants to change it to. And if a man wants to be called Muhammad Ali, Goddamit, this is a free country, you should respect his wishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali!
Morris: His Momma named him Clay, I'm gonna call him Clay.
Clarence: Mmm-hmm! That's right!
Sweets: I say Clay.
Saul: Get outta here.
Clarence: Ha-ha-ha! That's right! That's right! He gonna always be Clay to me. I don't give a fuck what he change his name to. He is Clay! He Clay to me. I say Clay.
Saul: Well, then, you're a putz. The three of you. Three putzes. You should change the name outside from My-T-Sharp to The Three Putzes.
-
Clarence: You must be outta your God-damned mind! Joe Louis the greatest boxer who ever lived. I'll be with you boys in a minute. He was badder than Cassius Clay, he was better than Sugar Ray, he was badder than - who's that new boy? Mike Tyson! Look like a bull dog! He was badder than him too! He'd whip Mike Tyson's ass, he'd whip all their asses!
Saul: What about Rocky Marciano?
Clarence: Oh, there they go! There they go! Every time I start talking about boxing, a white man gotta pull Rocky Marciano outta their ass! That's they one! That's they one! Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano! Lemme tell you something once and for all! Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't shit!
Saul: He beat Joe Louis's ass!
Morris: That's right, he did whip Joe Louis's ass!
Clarence: Joe Louis was seventy-five years old when he fought!
Morris: I don't know how old he was, but he got his ass whooped.
Clarence: Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano! The man was seventy-six years old! Joe Louis always lied about his age! He lied about his age all the time! One time, Frank Sinatra came in here, and sat in this chair. I say, "Frank, you hang out with Joe Louis. Just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?" Know what Frank told me? He said "Hey, Joe Louis is a hundred thirty-seven years old." A hundred and thirty-seven years old!
Sweets: Oh, man, you ain't never meet no Frank Sinatra.
Clarence: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU! Who's next?
-
Prince Akeem: Just for once, I would like to cook for myself and take care of myself, dress myself, wipe my own backside.
-
Imani Izzi: Ever since I was born, I've been trained to serve you.
Prince Akeem: Yes, I know this. But I would like to know about you. What do you like to do?
Imani Izzi: Whatever you like.
Prince Akeem: What kind of music do you like?
Imani Izzi: Whatever kind of music you like.
Prince Akeem: Look, I know what I like. And I know that you know what I like because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know what you like. For instance, do you have a favourite food?
Imani Izzi: Yes!
Prince Akeem: Good! What is your favourite food?
Imani Izzi: Whatever food you like.
Prince Akeem: This is impossible. Listen, from this moment on, I command you not to obey me!
Imani Izzi: No.
-
Prince Akeem: Are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do, you will do?
Imani Izzi: Yes, Your Highness.
Prince Akeem: Anything I say, you'll do?
Imani Izzi: Yes, Your Highness.
Prince Akeem: Bark like a dog.
Imani Izzi: Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!
Prince Akeem: A big dog.
Imani Izzi: Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
Prince Akeem: Hop on one leg.
Imani Izzi: [hops on one leg] Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
Prince Akeem: Make a noise like an orangutan.
Imani Izzi: [still hopping on one leg] Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo!
-
Semmi: Let me get this straight. You can have a woman that will obey your every command, but you want a woman who has an *opinion*!
Prince Akeem: Only dogs are to obey.
-
Prince Akeem: [towards two random kids] I have a date with Lisa! Isn't that wonderful?
-
Extremely Ugly Girl: [to Akeem, in a husky, masculine voice] I hope you don't mind me coming over and sitting down but I've been watching you all evening. And I wanna tear you apart. And your friend, too.
[Semmi spits his drink out]
-
Hold-Up Man: Don't stall me, fatboy. Let's go!
-
Lisa McDowell: Why didn't you tell me you were a prince?
Prince Akeem: I wanted you to love me for who I am.
Lisa McDowell: I don't know who you are.
-
Darryl Jenks: What kind of games do y'all play in Africa? Chase the monkey?
-
Patrice McDowell: What's everybody yelling about?
Cleo McDowell: Their son, the Prince, is love with your sister, but the King here, he can't handle it!
Patrice McDowell: No, he's not. The Prince is in love with me.
[Akeem and Semmi arrive]
Queen Aoleon: Are you all right?
Prince Akeem: Yes, mother, I'm fine.
Patrice McDowell: Why are you hugging him? He's just the servant.
[points at Semmi, who is shaking his head at her]
Patrice McDowell: He's the Prince.
King Jaffe Joffer: Who told you that?
[everyone looks at Semmi, who backs away, guiltily]
Patrice McDowell: You mean Akeem's the Prince?
Cleo McDowell: Yeah. And he's in love with Lisa.
Patrice McDowell: How come she always gets the good ones?
-
Semmi: [noticing all the people on the street are wearing African robes] I'm beginning to suspect that these are the people that have stolen our luggage.
Street Hustler: Yo, you wanna buy some toothbrushes, man?
[he opens his coat to reveal a bunch of gold toothbrushes, razors etc]
Street Hustler: This is some real fly personal hygiene equipment I got here, man.
[pulls out a gold hairdryer]
Street Hustler: And I got a hell of a hairdryer over here too, check it out.
Semmi: Thief!
[the hustler runs away, Semmi just stands there and points at him, expecting him to obey]
Semmi: Stop, thief! Come back, thief!
-
[Akeem is leaving America without Lisa]
Semmi: Look at it this way, at least we learned how to make French Fries.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: Even if she said yes, they still could not marry. It is against the tradition.
Queen Aoleon: Well, it is a stupid tradition.
King Jaffe Joffer: Who am I to change it?
Queen Aoleon: I thought you were the King.
-
[Prince Akeem walks to the other of the very long dining table to speak to his parents face-to-face rather than over an intercom]
King Jaffe Joffer: Have you grown a moustache?
Queen Aoleon: Jaffe, it has been a year.
-
King Jaffe Joffer: So, what is it, my son?
Prince Akeem: Well, father, first of all it is things like this.
King Jaffe Joffer: Like what?
Prince Akeem: The rose petals.
Queen Aoleon: What is the matter, dear? You are the son of a king, why should you not walk on the petals of roses?
Prince Akeem: Ah, but mother, if there were no rose petals I would still be the son of a king.
King Jaffe Joffer: Then it is settled.
[announcing to the rest of the room]
King Jaffe Joffer: From this day forth, anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me.
[the female rose bearers nervously back out of the room]
-
Prince Akeem: [to a baby elephant in the palace garden] Hello, Babar.
-
Ex-Siamese Twin, Ex-Siamese Twin: This is the first date Therese and I have been on, since the doctor separated us.
-
[Prince Akeem has just given a wad of cash to a homeless man]
Mortimer Duke: Randolph!
Randolph Duke: Leave me alone, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Randolph, Randolph!
Randolph Duke: I'm still not talking to you.
Mortimer Duke: [showing him the money] Look.
Randolph Duke: Mortimer, we're back.
-
Elderly Passenger: [has overheard Prince Akeem asking Lisa to marry him and being turned down] If you're really a prince, I'll marry you.
-
Oha: This is King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda. He is searching for his son, Akeem.
Cleo McDowell: Your son?
King Jaffe Joffer: Yes, my son, my prince.
Cleo McDowell: The prince? Are you serious?
Oha: Prince Akeem is the sole heir to the throne of Zamunda.
Cleo McDowell: I always knew there was something special about that boy.
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[Prince Akeem's royal wedding - his bride walks down the aisle, Akeem lifts her veil and kisses her]
Oha: Your Highness, we have not come to that part yet.
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King Jaffe Joffer: Son, please. I'm more than the exalted ruler of this land and the master of all I survey. I'm also a concerned dad.
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Fresh Peaches: [rapping] My name is peaches and I'm the best all the DJs want to feel my breasts.
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Semmi: I am badly in need of a manicure.
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Darryl Jenks: Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Soccer. That's a real cute sport... Especially the way y'all bounce that ball off your heads. Personally, I don't like any sport where you don't use your hands.
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Prince Akeem: "He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk." One cannot fly into flying. That is not mine. That is Nietzsche's.
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Darryl Jenks: I bet you learned all that stuff fighting lions and tigers and shit.
Prince Akeem: ...Yes. Where I'm from, we have to be very aggressive.
Darryl Jenks: I'm all for that. Especially with women. You know, they may not admit it, but they all want a man to... Take charge. Tell them what to do.
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Landlord: I'll tell you what. I'm gonna let you boys stay in my apartment and I'll move up here.
Prince Akeem: Does your apartment look poor?
Landlord: Yeah, it's a real shithole. You'll love it.
Coming to America Quotes
Extended Reading
