Chicago Quotes

Velma Kelly: She stole my garter!

Velma Kelly: [about Roxie] First she steals my publicity. Then she steals my lawyer, my trial date. And now she steals my goddamn garter.

Liz: You know how some people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. So I come home from work one night and I'm real irritated, and I'm looking for a little sympathy. And there's Bernie, lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. POPPIN'. So I said "If you pop that gum one more time..." And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots... into his head.

Annie: I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake city about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd fix him a drink, we'd have dinner. And then I found out. "Single" he told me. Single, my ass. Not only was he married... oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night, when he came home, I fixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic.

Billy Flynn: This trial... the whole world... it's all... show business.

June: I'm standin' in the kitchen, carving up a chicken for dinner, minding my own business, when in storms my husband, Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You've been screwing the milkman," he said. He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You've been screwing the milkman." And then he ran into my knife... he ran into my knife ten times.

Billy Flynn: Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous, row after row will grow vociferous.

Velma Kelly: [to Roxie] You wanted advice? Well here it is... straight from me to you... keep your paws off my underwear.

Mona: I loved Al Lipshitz more than I could possibly say. He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself. And on the way, he found Ruth. Gladys. Rosemary. And Irving. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive. And I saw him dead.

Billy Flynn: I don't mean to toot my own horn, but if Jesus Christ lived in Chicago today, and he had come to me and he had five thousand dollars, let's just say things would have turned out differently.

Billy Flynn: Tell the audience, the jury, what happened next.

Roxie: Don't you wanna take my picture?

Billy Flynn: Give 'em the old razzle dazzle. Razzle razzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate.

Velma Kelly: My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. My sister and I were headed straight for the top. My sister and I earned a thou a week at least, but my sister is now unfortunately deceased. I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact. And now all that remains is the remains of a perfect double act.

Velma Kelly: [Rising from the stage alone] 'C'mon Babe, why don't we paint the town... And all that Jazz. I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down... And all Jazz. Start the car I know a whoopie spot... where the gin is cold and the piano's hot. It's just a noisy hall, where there's a nightly brawl... And all that Jazz.

Amos Hart: Cellophane. Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name, Mr. Cellophane, 'cause you can look right through me, walk right by me and never know I'm there.

Velma Kelly: My sister Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband Charlie traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row: one, two, three, four, five, splits, spread-eagles, back-flips, flip-flops, one right after the other. So this one night before the show we're at the hotel Cicero, the three of us boozin, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice, so I run out to get some. I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie doing number 17, the spread-eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock that I completely blacked out; I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead.

Roxie: [singing] With just one more brain what a half-wit he'd be...

Bandleader: Mr. Billy Flynn and the press conference rag. Notice how his mouth never moves... almost.

Velma Kelly: [singing] No I'm no one's wife, but oh, I love my life and all that jazz.

Velma Kelly: Come on, babe, we're gonna brush the sky. I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high 'cause in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear to all that jazz.

Roxie: You were mentioned in the paper today, in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been post-poned indefinitely.' Seven words.

Roxie: You can like the life you're living, you can live the life you like. You can even marry Harry, but mess around with Ike.

Roxie: [singing] If they string me up, well, I'll know who brought the twine. That scummy, crummy, dummy hubby of mine.

Roxie: [singing] He ain't no sheik, that's no great physique, and lord knows he ain't got the smarts.

Matron Mama Morton: [singing] Don't you know that this hand washes that one, too? When you're good to Mama, Mama's good to you.

Matron Mama Morton: In this town, murder's a form of entertainment.

Roxie: ...And Sophie Tucker will shit I know, to see her name get billed below... Roxie Hart.

Roxie: Oooh,I'm a star, and the audience loves me... and I love them. And they love me for loving them and I love them for loving me. And we love each other. And that's because none of us got enough love in our childhood. And that's showbiz... kid.

Roxie: [to Amos] you are a disloyal husband

Bandleader: Miss Velma Kelly in an act... of desperation

Roxie: [singing] And then he shot off his trap... man I can't stand that sap. Look at him go. Rattin on me.

Bandleader: [after Velma has testified against Roxie, Billy moves to discredit her] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance.

Ms. Sunshine: As you know my paper is dry. Do you have any advice for girls who choose to avoid a life of jazz, and drink?

Roxie: And then I started foolin' around... and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner.

Nickie: Ever have Morton before? Oh... she's fine. As long as you keep her happy.

Velma Kelly: [singing] Now you see me goin' through it. You may think there's nothin' to it. But I simply cannot do it alone.

Velma Kelly: She'd say, "What's your sister like?" I'd say, "Men."

Billy Flynn: My client feels that it was a combination of liquor and jazz that led to the downfall.

Matron Mama Morton: [singing] Let's all stroke together, like the Princeton crew. When you're strokin' Mama, MAMA'S STROKIN' YOU!

Matron Mama Morton: As you know I'm here to take care of you. Now if anything hurts you, or upsets you in any way... don't run your fat ass mouth off to me cause I don't give a shit. Now move out.

Roxie: In the Bed Department, Amos was... zero. I mean, he made love to me like he was fixing a carburetor or something.

Roxie: I'm gonna be a celebrity, that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose.

Matron Mama Morton: They say that life is tit for tat, and that's the way I live... so I deserve a lotta tat for what I've got to give.

Roxie: Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong but he doesn't care. He'll string along. He loves me so, that Funny Honey of mine. / Sometimes I'm down, sometimes I'm up. But he follows round like some droopy eyed pup. He loves me so, that Funny Honey of mine.

Roxie: But look at that soul. I tell ya that hole is a whole lot greater than the sum of his parts. And if you knew him like me. I know you'd agree.

Roxie: What if the world slandered my name, well he'd be right there taking the blame. He loves me so. And it all suits me fine. That funny, sunny, honey hubby of mine.

Velma Kelly: Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes... And all that jazz. I hear that father dip is gonna blow the blues... And all that jazz. Hold on hun we're gonna bunny hug, I bought some aspirin down at united drug. In case we shake apart and want a brand new start to do that Jazz.

Velma Kelly: Find a flask, we're playing fast and loose And all that jazz. Right up here is where I store the juice... And all that jazz.

Velma Kelly: Oh, you're gonna see your sheba do the shimmy-shake... And all that jazz. Oh, she's gonna shimmy till her garters break... And all that jazz. Show her where to park her girdle. Oh, her mother's blood'll curdle if she'd hear her baby's queer for All that jazz...

Roxie Hart: [singing] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both, oh yes we both, oh yes we both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun. Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun.

Billy Flynn: This is Chicago, kid. You can't beat fresh blood on the walls.

Roxie: Who says that murder's not an art?

Matron Mama Morton: [singing] If you want my gravy, pepper my ragout - Spice it up for Mama, she'll get hot for you.

Matron Mama Morton: Ask any of the chickies in my pen - / They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen. / I love them all and all of them love me / Because the system works, / The system called "reciprocity"!

Bandleader: [first line; just after the opening title flashes; fastly] Five, six, seven, eight!

Billy Flynn: I don't care about expensive things / Cashmere coats, Diamond rings / Don't mean a thing / All I care about is love / That's what I'm here for.

Roxie: And who incase she doesn't hang, can say she started with a bang... Roxie Hart

Billy Flynn: You're a phony celebrity and in two weeks no one's going to give a shit about you... that's Chicago.

Matron Mama Morton: Sometimes you get a little success, and it's good riddance to who put you there.

Roxie: I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard...

Velma Kelly: [getting out of a cab] Keep the change, Charlie.

Billy Flynn: [to Roxie] You are a phony celebrity. You're a flash in the pan. In a couple of weeks, no one's gonna give a shit about you. *That's* Chicago.

Billy Flynn: [singing] Razzle dazzle them and they'll never catch wise.