Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Quotes

[from trailer]

Tom Baker: That's not gonna fit in your tent, Lorraine.

Lorraine Baker: Oh, I'm gonna make it fit, Dad!

[from trailer]

Kate 'Mom' Baker: Honey you actually bought that shirt?

Tom Baker: Hey every dad is entitled to one hideous shirt, and one horrible sweater. It's part of the dad code.

Lorraine Baker: You know how I feel about camping.

Tom Baker: But, we're staying in a house.

Lorraine Baker: A house with no air conditioning. That makes it camping.

Nigel Baker: Winnetka? That's my middle name.

Kyle Baker: And Lake is mine.

Tom Baker: That's because you were conceived there.

Nigel Baker: What's that mean?

Jessica Baker: It means mom and dad had...

Kate 'Mom' Baker: ...a conversation, that we would discuss it much later when everybody could understand!

Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?

Eliot: Well... I'm in 8th grade.

Lorraine Baker: [after Sarah asks Lorraine for some make-up help] Now, let's start with some lip gloss.

[Lorraine unleashes the lipgloss]

Sarah Baker: PINK? Can't we put on like a skin color?

Lorraine Baker: Hold still.

Tom Baker: Tire swing ready!

[falls off tire swing]

Tom Baker: Tire swing, not ready!

[Sarah knocks Mike off his skateboard]

Mike Baker: SARAH!

Lorraine Baker: Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.

Tom Baker: It's called fresh air sweetie.

Sarah Baker: Dad, we're gonna need a forklift for Lorraine's luggage.

Lorraine Baker: What? I've only been here 30 seconds and you're already making fun of me.

Sarah Baker: Yeah, that was my foot.

Sarah Baker: Is this whole suitcase just for makeup?

Lorraine Baker: Whatever, butch.

Charlie Baker: You wanna go for a walk or something?

Anne Murtaugh: Is Charlie Baker asking me out on a date?

Charlie Baker: [unsure about it, because both dads are enemies] I'm not sure if our fathers would approve, but...

Anne Murtaugh: [quietly] Let's go.

Tom Baker: [Getting tickets] One please.

Tom Baker: [Goes inside the theater and runs into Jimmy] What are you doing here?

Jimmy Murtaugh: Well, if you must know, I'm still here to make sure this movie is appropriate for our children.

Tom Baker: It's rated G.

Theatre Patron: [to Tom] Shh.

Old Lay in Theater: Shh.

Kid in Theater: [to Tom] Sir, could you please sit down?

Tom Baker: [Whispers] Yeah.

Jimmy Murtaugh: What are you doing here so early?

Tom Baker: Father of the daughter always arrives early for pickup duty, everybody knows that.

Security Guard: [Waves his flashlight at Tom and Jimmy] Excuse me... . is there a problem here?

Jimmy Murtaugh: Yes, this man's harassing me.

Tom Baker: This man's guilty of overparenting.

Security Guard: If you 2 can't keep it down, I'm gonna throw both of you out.

Jimmy Murtaugh: [He and Tom both see Sarah and Eliot down through the balcony and attempt to be nosy] What, he's stretching.

Tom Baker: He's doing the move.

Jimmy Murtaugh: What move?

Tom Baker: [Scoots Jimmy back] You sit in the theater. You fake a yaaaaawn... . oh boy, am I tired? Hand comes over. Then a little while later, head comes over giving an extra reach there, right?

Theatre Patron: [Grinning as she sees Tom and Jimmy] Mom, look... .. those 2 down there.

Tom Baker: See what I mean?

Old Lay in Theater: Oh, sweet Jesus.

Security Guard: [Waves flashlight again at them] Warning number 2.

Jimmy Murtaugh: He was showing me the move. Do you mind?

Tom Baker: [Places his hand off Jimmy's shoulder] You don't know the move?

Jimmy Murtaugh: No, I don't know the move! I wasn't a hormone crazed romeo when I was a kid! I am self-control, I am social sophistication!

Old Lay in Theater: Psst... be quiet down there!

Tom Baker: Your son has raging hormones like every other male teenager.

Jimmy Murtaugh: Meaning what?

Tom Baker: Meaning on a sophistication scale, that's 1 step above ape.

Jimmy Murtaugh: Are you calling my son an ape?

Tom Baker: He's an ape like every other male teenager.

Jimmy Murtaugh: Take it back! Take it! Take it back.

Tom Baker: Were you gonna poke me?

Jimmy Murtaugh: Because you were asking for it!

Tom Baker: [He and Jimmy stand up, blocking the theater screen. Everybody furiously tells them to sit down] Well if I'm asking for it, why don't you give me 2? Come on, give me a poke!