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Robin Simon: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.
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Nicole Oliver: I can't have sex with you! My body belongs to my husband and there is no way that I could betray him in that way. But what I do from the neck up is a different story.
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[sighting celebrities at a screening]
Tony Gardella: Oh, and getting out of the elevator I see there's a famous critic.
Robin Simon: Him, I recognize.
Tony Gardella: Oh, he used to hate every movie. Then, he married a young, big-bosomed woman, and now he loves every movie.
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Robin Simon: I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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Robin Simon: No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
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[talking about Papadakis]
Tony Gardella: He's very arty, pretentious, one of those assholes who shoots all his films in black and white.
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Supermodel: You're not afraid of catching germs? And you know, I'm coming down with a cold and everything...
Lee Simon: From you I'd be willing to catch terminal cancer.
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Tony Gardella: Tom Dale. *Big* star. He's in New York filming an adaptation of a sequel of a remake.
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Waiting Room Nurse: I'm sorry, the doctor just doesn't do penis enlargements. We don't have the space.
Waiting Room Patient: We're talking about 3 inches here!
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Robin Simon: [affecting a Southern accent] I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...
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Lee Simon: One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High and you f***ing blink and you're 40, you blink again and you can see movies at half price on a senior citizen's pass. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately, ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
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Bonnie: Apparently his first two books...
Lee Simon: They were obliterated. I got the 3 esses: self-indulgent, sophomoric, sollipsistic...
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Lee Simon: Just in time. Another minute, I'd have been found dead of comedy poisoning...
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Lee Simon: I'm awash in self-contempt!
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Dee Bartholomew: I ran into our Tony Gardello at the Cafe Carlyle. He had a blissed-out look like he had died and gone to heaven. How did you manage to put that smile on his face?
Robin Simon: Using my head...
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Donald Trump: Well, I'm working on buying St. Patrick's Cathedral, maybe doing a little rip-down job and putting up a very very tall and beautiful building.
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Robin's Friend Cheryl: So ironic. You go to get face work, you don't get face work, but you meet a wonderful guy, he changes your life, it's better than face work.
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Exercise Tape Fan: Would you sign this? I use your exercise tape.
Supermodel: You do?
Exercise Tape Fan: So do I!
Exercise Tape Fan: But I exercise to it.
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Lee Simon: Every curve in your body fulfills its promise. If the universe has any meaning, I'm looking at it.
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Father Gladden's Fan on Porch: Did you agree with the Beatles, years ago, at the height of their fame, that they were bigger stars than Jesus?
Father Gladden: The world population was much less then.
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Souvenir Hawker: They're all genuine ceramic, and we got this rubber bulb here, you squeeze this, fill it with some washable red vegetable dye, give it a squeeze, you can make his wounds bleed. Watch in the back, there. Isn't that something?
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TV Reporter at Premiere: What's your next project?
Dalton Freed: Birth Of A Nation, an all-black version.
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Supermodel: I'm polymorphously perverse. It's not a flaw, it's just a weakness.
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Robin Simon: [to Lee] I hope you catch a break.
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Tony's Grandma: [to Al Swayze, black weatherman] But you're cheerful, I mean you're all so cheerful.
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Lee Simon: And you're, you're perfect. Do you have ANY flaws? I'm agog... with...
Supermodel: Physically?
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Tony Gardella: What am I, Don Corleone?
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Robin Simon: [to Lee] So, who else do you wanna explore? Allison?
Celebrity Quotes
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Cameron 2022-03-18 09:01:09
A lot of Woody Allen films have conveyed the concept of "luck". The actor is completely imitating the stammering chatter of the little old man. Woody Allen's films should be made even if they are not starring. The protagonist makes himself the same. . . Plus a lot of big-name cameos. . .
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Aletha 2022-03-26 09:01:13
drama. Woody Allen has too much to say, it's not good
