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Max, Evelyn: We will always be together... always and forever
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Olivia: Green, eco-friendly zone.
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Evelyn: Werewolves and vampires and zombies, they're figments, Max. They're not real.
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Max: What did I say about using my place for sex?
Travis: I don't know.
Max: I said: use your own place.
Travis: And risk having these chicks know where I live?
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Travis: I think this is expired.
Max: Twinkies don't expire.
Travis: Yeah they do. Every 4 weeks.
Max: Really?
Travis: Then they get good again.
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Olivia: So I took off all of my clothes, and I stood right in front of him, and I said, "you either pick Jesus, or you pick me." He picked Jesus.
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Max: She's back, she's dead, and she thinks we're still dating!
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Evelyn: If I kill you, then we can live happily ever after.
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Max: I'll let Evelyn eat me, turn me into one of the living dead, and we can rot unhappily ever after.
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Max: You ate Travis. You ate my brother.
Evelyn: Half brother, Max.
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Evelyn: You broke my heart!
Max: I know, but it's not beating any more.
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Evelyn: Can't we just go back to the way things were?
Max: You're dead to me.
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Olivia: [repeatedly hitting her] Stay - dead - you - stupid - zombie - bitch!
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[last lines]
Travis: Hey baby, you ever bang a zombie? Once you go undead, it's never been better in bed. Just sayin'...
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Max: Face your inner monster, have courage to conquer it.
Burying the Ex Quotes
Extended Reading