Burlesque Quotes

Sean: [from trailer] So, is Ali short for anything?

Ali Rose: Oh, yeah, it's short for Alice.

Sean: Alice, hm? Well, welcome to Wonderland.

Tess: [upon seeing a nauseous Georgia emerge from the bathroom stall] Oh, God, Georgia. Tell me you don't have the flu.

[Georgia shakes her head and starts crying]

Tess: Oh no... please have the flu!

Ali Rose: Where I come from friends don't chew on each others earlobes!

Marcus: Aren't you glad you left?

Alexis: Get a room!

Sean: Get away!

Nikki: How come I don't have a nickname?

Scarlett: Oh, you do.

Nikki: Well, he never uses it.

Sean: Oh, I do.

Nikki: When?

[walks down stairs]

Sean: When you leave the room!

[whispers]

Sean: Slut!

Sean: I heard that!

Ali Rose: Jack, why did you leave Kentucky?

Jack: Well, why did you leave Iowa?

Ali Rose: Because I looked around and realized there wasn't one person whose life I wanted.

Jack: Exactly.

Tess: [Ali is auditioning] Hey Dave, cut it.

Ali Rose: H-hold on a second, I can do this!

Tess: And I think that it's sweet that you think that you can.

Nikki: [annoyed] Didn't your mama ever tell you it's not polite to stare?

Ali Rose: You-You're just so damn beautiful, I...

Nikki: Well in that case, screw your mama and stare away.

Ali Rose: No one would *ever* know.

Nikki: Know what?

Ali Rose: That you're a dude.

Nikki: What the hell is that waitress doing here? I want that bitch *out*.

Sean: And what did she *ever* do to you?

Nikki: She said I looked like a drag queen!

Sean: Well, that can't be the first time that's happened before.

Sean: [talking about the money Tess needs to save the club] It's just money. It's just a number.

Tess: I know, but... do you think I could do it?

[Sean shakes his head]

Tess: Tell me a lie.

Sean: I need your expert sewing skills.

Tess: Tell me a *new* lie.

Sean: I don't love you.

Nikki: I don't get why everyone's having a conniption over her, she's just a tacky farm girl from Iowa.

Ali Rose: And we know a cow when we see one. Don't underestimate us farm girls.

Sean: [talking about Ali's audition] Well, I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

Tess: Try harder.

Vince: I may not be "Mr. Tess" anymore, but I still own half this place.

Tess: Mr. Tess?

[pause]

Tess: That is *so* hot.

Vince: Nice. But it won't pay the bills.

Tess: He didn't even look me in the eye! He just sat there playing with his wooden thingy on his desk.

Sean: What thingy?

Tess: The long wooden block thingy.

Sean: The nameplate?

Tess: Yeah. Nameplate.

Vince: Have you read this letter from the bank?

Tess: Vincent. How many times have I told you? No business during business hours.

Alexis: We may not have windows, but we do have the best view on Sunset Strip. Twenty bucks.

Ali Rose: What is this place... a strip club?

Alexis: Strip club? Honey, I should wash your mouth out with Jägermeister. The only Pole you'll find in there is Natasha, the short girl.

Jack: Where're you from?

Ali Rose: Iowa.

Jack: Kentucky. We're practically related.

Ali Rose: Thought you looked familiar.

Ali Rose: Who does a girl have to flirt with to get from here... to up there?

[points to dance stage]

Jack: Is this you flirting?

Ali Rose: [laughs] With someone wearing more eyeliner than me? Yeah.

Jack: Through that door over there. Ask for Tess. She's your guy. Flirt away.

Vince: This isn't going away. You won't talk to me before the show, you won't talk to me after the show. It's like you're avoiding me.

Tess: Well, I didn't divorce you to spend more time with you.

Tess: And don't ever go behind my back again.

Ali Rose: Yes, ma'am.

Tess: And don't ever call me ma'am again.

Ali Rose: Yes, sir. Errr... I mean, ma'am... I mean, Tess.

Tess: Get on the floor.

[to Sean]

Tess: "Ma'am"? What am I, my mother?

Sean: Yes, ma'am.

Tess: Up yours.

Marcus: You know, not that I give a shit, but why is it that you want my club so badly?

Marcus: I like it. When I see something I like, I have to have it. Been that way since I was a kid.

Tess: That must have made you very popular in the sandbox.

Marcus: [grins] I did okay.

Vince: Do you know what you could do with that money, Tess?

Tess: Do you know what *you* could do with that money, Vince?

Vince: Not now...

Tess: Don't "not now" me.

Marcus: Remember, you got that balloon payment due on the first.

Tess: [annoyed, to Vince] Did you also tell him I have a tattoo on my ass?

Vince: [earnestly] No... it's business.

Marcus: I don't think you're gonna get another opportunity like this. So take it.

Tess: [after some contemplation, then firmly] No.

Vince: [quickly, to Marcus] She means not now.

Tess: No, no. "Not now" means not now, Vince. "No" means no. Marcus, I don't care what you're offering. My club is not for sale.

Ali Rose: Morning! Coffee?

Jack: Black. Like my soul.

Ali Rose: I took the liberty of making breakfast. I hope you don't mind. It's the least I could do.

Jack: Smells great.

Ali Rose: [referring to photo at kitchen counter] She's pretty. Your sister?

Jack: Fiancée.

Ali Rose: You're straight?

Jack: You thought I was gay?

Ali Rose: Yeah.

Jack: Wait, why?

Ali Rose: I don't know. The day bed... the eyeliner...

Jack: It's a very straight look. You know, it works at the club, Tess loves it...

Ali Rose: Okay. I should put on some pants.

Jack: Probably.

Marcus: Wow. I can't believe Tess has you buried in the kick line.

Ali Rose: She didn't know I sang.

Marcus: Well, you certainly can. And you are way too good to be doing it here.

Ali Rose: Wait a minute...

[incredulously]

Ali Rose: You had to make an appearance at your own party?

Marcus: Would've been rude not to, right?

Ali Rose: Oh wow... L.A. looks gorgeous from up here.

Marcus: That view cost me three times what the house did. See that strip mall down there?

Ali Rose: You own that too?

Marcus: No. I own everything above it.

Ali Rose: There is nothing above it.

Marcus: Exactly.

Ali Rose: [sardonically] So you own air.

Marcus: Air rights. The guy that owns the strip mall ran into some money issues, almost had to sell. Whoever he sold it to would've put up a huge tower. So I bought the air rights. Now, no one can ever build above one storey.

Ali Rose: Well, aren't you clever.

Marcus: Mall guy gets to keep his property, I get to keep the second best view in L.A.

Ali Rose: What's the first?

Marcus: [gazes silently and steadily at Ali, while sipping wine]

Ali Rose: [rolls eyes] Ugh... How many girls have you used that line on?

Marcus: None ever who called me on it.

Jack: I'm just saying. Life is about the choices you make.

Ali Rose: The choices I make? You're a bartender-slash-piano player, who writes songs that are never ready.

Jack: Oh, I uhm... I finished a song. I think it's pretty good.

Ali Rose: [chuckles] Can I hear it?

Jack: No. But...

[pause, handing Ali a songsheet]

Jack: you can sing it.

Nikki: [Waiting for Tess as she is exiting the club] Tess, we need to talk.

Tess: No.

Nikki: Yes!

Tess: I'm tired, Nikki.

Nikki: Well, then you can just listen. We built this club together and, and then, some girl just shows up from out of nowhere, who hasn't even paid her dues - -!

Tess: How do you know what dues she's paid? This chick doesn't sing that way because she's had it easy.

Nikki: "They don't come to here us sing, Nikki"! Or... or, or, is that... is that just bullshit, now?

Tess: You know, you're drunk. Go inside and call a cab.

Nikki: I WILL NOT BE UPSTAGED BY SOME SLUT WITH MUTANT LUNGS!

Tess: Then leave!

Nikki: [Gasps] You'd ruin our friendship over some girl you barely know? So much for loyalty!

Tess: Since when did you know anything about loyalty? How many Goddamn times have I peeled you off the sidewalk? How many blackouts? How many times have I held your head over the toilet bowl while you threw up everything, but your memories?

Nikki: OKAY FINE! But I will not stand in the back, Tess, you need to fix this-...

Tess: You think you're my only problem? I'm about to lose my club! I'm about to lose the only thing that means anything to me! I have more to worry about than trying to keep you from pouring Tequila on your Cheerios!

Nikki: Fine. Fine. I QUIT!

Tess: I'm glad!

[Nikki gets into her car and starts the engine]

Tess: Nikki, don't drive.

Nikki: By the way, I slept with Vince the night after your honeymoon.

[She makes a U-Turn and begins driving off in a rage, with Tess bashing Nikki's backdoor window with a crowbar]

Nikki: YOU CRAZY BITCH!