Ron Paul: [after Brüno drops his pants] All right, get out of here! This is ended.

Ron Paul: [later, in the hallway] That guy's queerer than the blazes. He took his clothes off. Let's get goin'. He's queer, he's crazy, he put a hit on me and took his clothes off.

Brüno: [narrating] I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.
Brüno: How do you protect yourself from a dildo?
Brüno: [about his baby, O.J] I've gotta be honest: he's a real dick magnet.
TV Host: What's the baby's name?

Brüno: I gave him like a traditional African name: O.J.
Drill Sergeant: Your finger's in my alley.

Brüno: Not yet.
Brüno: [about the baby in his arms] I swapped him.

African-American Lady: Swapped the baby for what?

Brüno: For an iPod.
[last lines]

Snoop Dogg: Hey, hey, he gay, he gay, OK.
Brüno: Look at the four of us; we are so like the Sex in the City girls!

Donny: Oh no, we aren't either!

Brüno: Which one are you, Donny?

Donny: I ain't any one of them, I'm Donny.

Brüno: That is such a Samantha thing to say!
Brüno: Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard... or a homeless Santa.
Brüno: We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!
Brüno: [after eating numerous pieces of pie] I'm committing carbicide.
Brüno: [referring to a woman's breasts] You must produce a lot of milk.
Brüno: It's just this bear took my clothes. He took everything apart from these condoms.
Brüno: I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.
Harrison Ford: [when being confronted by Brüno trying to interview him] Fuck off!
Brüno: Looking up at the stars makes me think of all the hot guys in the world.
PR Consultant: Is there something that you, like, that you believe in, like...

Brüno: Well, I'm really into issues.

PR Consultant: Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse, so...

Brüno: Great!

PR Consultant: That would be, that's something to get involved now, so... we can just help East, uh, Africa in order to help for our future in order for everyone... that's a beneficial thing to be involved with now.
Brüno: Ich was going to become famous by solving a world problem! But which one? Clooney's got Darfur, Sting's got the Amazon, and Bono's got AIDS! Luckily, there was still one shithole left to fix: the Middle Earth.
Brüno: Look me in the eye.

Angry Swinger: This is a fuckin' swingers' party. OK? If you don't want pussy, if you don't want fuckin'... then quit fuckin' touching me and quit looking at me. I definitely ain't lookin' at you in the eye. OK? I didn't come here for no fuckin' queer shit, OK? I know what you're doin'.
Dominatrix: Get on your fucking knees and suck my spike hair, bitch.
Elton John: [singing] War's just based on hate and fear / Stop fighting, North and South Korea.

Brüno: [singing] You're both basically Chinese.

Chris Martin: [singing] He's Brüno, dove of peace.

Snoop Dogg: [rapping] Hey, yo Brüno, where the bitches at?
Brüno: So you were never gay?

Pastor Jody Trautwein: [shakes head] Mh-mh.

Brüno: It's ironic that you should have amazing blowjob lips.

Pastor Jody Trautwein: These-these lips were made to praise Jesus.
Brüno: There's a lot of African Americans in Africa!

African-American Lady: No! There's a lot of Africans in Africa!

Brüno: That's racist!
Brüno: So... if they are nice they are gay, right?
National Guard Officer: What type of belt is that, candidate? What is that?

Brüno: D and G.

National Guard Officer: What is D and G?

Brüno: Dolce and Gabbana, hello.
Dominatrix: What is this? You're gonna dress me like a man?

Brüno: No, it's just a beard.
National Guard Officer: By the way, where's your uniform? Go get your uniform on. Do it!

Brüno: [Brüno returns with a scarf on]

National Guard Officer: Oh my god. What's up with the scarf?

Brüno: That is like... it's my own...

National Guard Officer: [Interrupts] Let me introduce you to somebody. Captain Miles!

Captain Miles: [Walks towards Brüno] Candidate, what are you doing? Stand into position of attention, candidate!

National Guard Officer: Do it!

Captain Miles: Head and eyes straight forwards, candidate!

National Guard Officer: Do it!

Captain Miles: Head and eyes straight forward!

National Guard Officer: Do it!

Captain Miles: Stand still, candidate!

National Guard Officer: Do it!

Captain Miles: That is not part of the uniform, candidate. You need to take that off.

Brüno: This outfit is to matchy-matchy as it is. And so I was just trying to break it up with some simple horizontal lines.

Captain Miles: Do you have an attitude, candidate?

Brüno: No but, sir...!

National Guard Officer: I think we do...

Brüno: Sir, she's got an attitude!

National Guard Officer: Not sir, officer candidate!

Captain Miles: What?

National Guard Officer: Did you just call me a she? Get down!
Brüno: [standing naked outside of tent] Donny, let me in your tent. A bear stole all of my clothes... except for these condoms.
Lutz: Because I think that... you're amazing.

Brüno: Am I going to wake up to find you masturbating over me?

Lutz: I promise not to wake you.
Brüno: I wouldn't want to wake up and find that I'm torn in my arschenholer.
Hotel Manager: No. This is not what was supposed to be going on in here.

Brüno: You're telling me, honey. I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegian with a PhD in sucking dick.

Hotel Manager: That's not my concern.

Brüno: Okay, well, listen, one other thing. Can you switch off the television? Because I made a fart, and I am on the verge of buying Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.

Hotel Manager: That's unfortunate.

Brüno: No, but I refuse to pay for Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. I did not press it.

Hotel Manager: No, I'm afraid we are not gonna be doing that.