Blended Quotes

Mfana: Look children, the bush pig has lost his parents so it is been cared for by mama and papa lion. Even in nature, there are blended families.

Jim: That's nice. That's sweet.

[Shortly there was a mixture of roaring, crunching, and pig squeals as the lions were eating the bush pig off screen. Espn was screaming and everyone was shocked about what they saw]

Mfana: I may have misread that situation.

Lauren: You know, I'm curious. With so many possible reasons, which one's the one your wife left you for?

Jim: Cancer.

Lauren: [awkward pause] I'm sorry. I naturally just assumed you were divorced.

Jim: It's okay. I naturally assumed your husband shot himself, so we're even.

Mfana: Mr. Bellyflopolis, the crocodiles are fake!

[Jim looks at the fake crocodiles around him in the water]

Jim: They're fake?

Mfana: Yes, they're fake!

Jim: Why would you make them look so realistic?

Mfana: Well, to scare the baboons away.

Jim: You just scared a zebra stripe into my underwear!

Jim: Did you have pork chops and... tuna fish... for lunch today?

Mfana: Yes! I did!

Jim: You know what, Hooters is to good for you. I'll never bring you there again

Lauren: Oh well then I guess I'll have to get through life without Hooters

Jim: You've been doing a pretty damn good job so far

Lauren: [looks at her breasts] That doesn't make any sense

Jim: [points at Lauren's breasts] No they... I didn't realize they were that big

Baseball Dad: [after Lauren's son strikes out for the third time at the ball game] Maybe you should try badminton.

Lauren: Maybe you should try mouthwash!

Jen: And deodorant!

Lauren: And some testosterone supplement!

Jen: And some Cialis... I'm just assuming!

Baseball Dad: And shave your neck! It's very hairy.

Hilary: Hey, dad, I have a personal errand to run and I need to borrow the car.

Jim: Well, you can't drive without me yet and somebody's got to stay here with your sisters.

Hilary: Dad, I have a personal errand.

Jim: What does that even mean? You taking a hit out on somebody?

Lou: Dad, she's monsterating.

Jim: What?

Hilary: I have my period!

Jim: Oh, I forgot you get those.

Lauren: Did you just use use the L word with Dick?

Jen: We said it last night.

Lauren: Jen! That's great Why didn't you tell me?

Jen: Well, you finally had a date and it was so awful. I didn't want to make you feel lonelier than you probably already feel.

Lauren: I'm fine actually and I'm not lonely. I have two wonderful men in my life: Brendan and Tyler.

Jen: Brendan needs a girlfriend and Tyler needs Ritalin.