Benny & Joon Quotes

Sam: You don't like raisins?

Joon: Not really.

Sam: Why?

Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.

Sam: Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?

Joon: They scare me.

Sam: Yeah me too

Joon: It's sick. The commercial people they make them sing and dance so people will eat them.

Sam: It's a shame about raisins.

Joon: Cannibals.

Sam: Yeah. Do you like avocados?

Joon: They're a fruit you know.

Sam: Ruthie, do you got any avocados?

Joon: Why do you hate me so much?

Benny: I don't hate you.

Joon: You need me to be sick.

Sam: How sick is she?

Benny: She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doin' some thinkin'...

Sam: Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.

[looking at Joon's ear]

Sam: Kirk Douglas... Van Gogh... ear.

Sam: I'm Sam.

Benny: So I hear. I'm Benny.

Sam: With an 'n'?

Benny: Yea two of 'em. This is Joon.

Sam: With an 'n'?

Joon: One. You're out of your tree.

Sam: It's not my tree.

Joon: She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.

Benny: The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.

Joon: Did you have to go to school for that?

Sam: No, no, I got thrown out of school for that.

Sam: Joon.

Joon: What?

Sam: I-I love you.

Joon: Me too.

Joon: [door opens; gets up] Don't tell Benny.

Sam: Okay.

Joon: He can really cook, can't he?

Benny: Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.

Joon: That's what I told him.

Benny: Really? What-what did he use?

Joon: Rayon.

Benny: Mm.

Joon: Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...

Benny: Would have burned it.

Joon: Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.

Benny: So why'd you leave?

Ruthie: L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.

Benny: Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.

Ruthie: Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?

Benny: Sam? Uh, 72 hours.

Ruthie: Be serious.

Benny: I am... serious.

Ruthie: Really?

Benny: I'm always serious. I'm too serious.

[while playing cards]

Eric: Salad shooter!

Sam: Oh my God! "I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek."

Local: Hey, Ruthie. One of your ghosts come back to haunt ya?

Sam: "AH! Oh, Brad! Oh, Brad. Brad, please don't be dead. Brad, I never had a chance to tell you what you meant to me. Oh, Brad, please!" It's you! You're you! Ruthie Melony, co-star of the Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Bebe!

Ruthie: You saw that?

Sam: "He was mine! He was mine!" "No, Cindy. You're sick. Cindy, you need help. No, Cindy! No, no!"

Joon: I lost...

Benny: What's in the pot?

Joon: A cousin.

Benny: Hey. Where's Sam?

Joon: I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just - he just left.

Benny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What - What happened? Did something happen?

Joon: He just - he just left. He was - he was in the air and-and-and - with a thing and - that was really loud. It was really loud. And all- I-I just kept seeing... He didn't mean to do it.

Benny: Do it? What? What- Did he- What did he do?

Joon: He cleaned the house.

Benny: I hope you're happy... I hope you're happy with what you have done to her.

[throws Sam against wall]

Benny: You just stay the hell away from my sister.

Sam: [shakes his head] No... no.

Benny: You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class *moron*.

[lets go of Sam. Pauses]

Sam: [nodding head while stumbling slowly away] You're scared, Benny.

Benny: I'm *what*?

Sam: You're scared. I can see it... And I know why. I used to look up to you. But... uh... now I can't look at you at all.

[walks out of hospital]

Joon: Should we let him in?

Benny: Yeah, before someone slaps a stamp on him and sends him to Guam.

Mike: [about Sam] He keeps me up at night watching stupid old movies, my work is starting to suffer.

Joon: You install cable.

Thomas: [Sam falls from outside Joon's window and lands in the bushes] Sam! Sam are you alright?

Sam: Ow, ow.

[first lines]

Randy Burch: So we're planning our next vacation, right? I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like snorkeling, she likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me: Do I need her? Jesus, Benny. What kind of a question is that? I mean, "need?" What does it really mean to need someone?

Eric: Benny, fuel line!

[and the phone begins ringing]

Benny: Hey Waldo, could you answer that phone?

Waldo: Hello?

UPS Man: [walks in] I need a check, Benny. COD.

Benny: In a minute. Meet me in the office.

UPS Man: All right...

Benny: [about Randy's cigarette] Whoa! Put that out! I got a fuel line broke.

Waldo: Hey, Benny. Joon's on the phone again.

Benny: Well, tell her I'll call her back. Find out what she wants.

Waldo: It's an emergency. She says you're runnin' low on Peanut Butter Super Chunks.

Benny: [under his breath] An emergency...

[last lines]

Ruthie: Haven't we tried this before?

Benny: [presenting flowers] Yeah, but my life's a lot less complicated now.

Ruthie: Is Joon inside? Yeah.

Benny: Yeah? OK...

[brings flowers inside and sees Joon "ironing" cheese sandwiches with Sam]