Skeeter Bronson: [during the gumball shower] This... is... spooky.
Marty Bronson: Your fun is only limited by your imagination.
Mickey: [after Skeeter has just thrown ketchup at him] you know what? Ketchup is GOOD for you! It exfoliates the skin, so who's the real victim here? YOU ARE!
Skeeter Bronson: Okay, I'll do it. But you gotta say ''Skeeter's the coolest, I'm the nerd''.

Wendy: "Skeeter's the coolest, I'm the nerd"?

Skeeter Bronson: Yeah you are!
Jill: I had to park all the way down the block.

Skeeter Bronson: Oh well. Next time why don't you park in that box

[Points to Jill's large gift]

Skeeter Bronson: Plenty o' room in there.
Skeeter Bronson: Haven't you heard? Goofy is the new handsome.
Mickey: I can't read.

[Buggsy laughingly squeaks at him]

Mickey: Shut up, Buggsy. Yeah? I got opposable thumbs. How do you feel about that?

[Buggsy stops]
Skeeter Bronson: [looking over the kids' storybooks] What do ya got here, anyways? "Rainbow Alligator Saves the Wetlands"? Uh, no. "The Organic Squirrel Gets a Bike Helmet"? I'm not reading these Communist books to you guys! Don't you got any *real* stories?
Skeeter Bronson: I don't know but it's been said, Bugsy's eyes pop out of his head, march, march, march.
Bobbi: We thought you were supposed to be the good guy.

Skeeter Bronson: So did I.
Skeeter Bronson: What's on my head?

Patrick: Bugsy.

Skeeter Bronson: Why do you call him Bugsy?

Patrick: Because of his eyes.

Skeeter Bronson: Well let's see his eyes.

[sees Bugsy's huge eyes and screams]

Skeeter Bronson: Wow! Those eyes would be big on a cow!
Patrick: [eating hamburgers for the first time] Mom's going to kill us.

Skeeter Bronson: No she's not, two reasons, one she's not going to find out, two, when your mom was little she ate hamburgers all the time in this room.

Patrick and Bobbi: She did?

Skeeter Bronson: Yep.
Skeeter Bronson: So Sir Fix-a-lot moved into a giant shoe

[shows Sir Fix-a-lot living in a giant Chuck Taylor shoe]

Skeeter Bronson: developed a case of athlete's face, threw himself in the moat and fed himself to the crocodiles.

[as Sir Fix-a-lot, grumbling]

Skeeter Bronson: Oh what the heck?

[jumps in]

Skeeter Bronson: The end.
Skeeter Bronson: His name was Mr. Underappreciated.

Patrick: What is underdemeciated?

Skeeter Bronson: What?

Patrick: Underdemeciated?

Skeeter Bronson: That's right, I forgot, you're 6, well his name was Sir Fix-a-lot.
Skeeter Bronson: [to his sister] I don't know anything about plants except that *you* make cakes out of them!
Skeeter Bronson: Happy birthday, Bobbi!

[Hands her bags]

Skeeter Bronson: Picked this up at the hotel.

[leaves]

Bobbi: [pulling items out of the bag] Shampoo? Soap?

Patrick: [pulling items out of the bag] A hanger and a towel?
Wendy: Don't talk to them about school.

Skeeter Bronson: Why not?

Wendy: They're closing it down. I'm getting laid off.

Skeeter Bronson: No way! You? But you're like the classic school principle! I mean you're scary and bad with people...
Little Boy: What's in that bag?

Skeeter Bronson: Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Little Boy: [Grabs the bag] FOOD!

[Runs off with kids following him]
Skeeter Bronson: [as cowboy speaking to chief] Mind showing me your finest horse?

Chief Running Mouth: [Turns suddenly to Skeeter as Native American music plays] My ancestors believed horse spirit come down from mountain, during time of fire, wind. Many brave warrior walk trail of moon bear...

Skeeter Bronson: Yeah I just wanna see the horse; I don't need all this.
Luau Waitress: Kona coffee ice cream.

Skeeter Bronson: Yeah? What's the catch? You're gonna light it on fire? 'Cause I'm on to you, honey.

Luau Waitress: No fire. It would melt. Just take the ice cream and a chill pill.
Young Wendy: Way too hyper.

Young Skeeter: The galaxy's not big enough for the both of us.
Skeeter Bronson: Happy birthday there, Bobbi.

Patrick: I'm Patrick. She's Bobbi.

Skeeter Bronson: Oh, my bad. Got you a little something. Happy birthday, Bobbi. Here you go. Picked it up at the hotel.
Barry Nottingham: Do you realize germs can reproduce 80 percent faster in bright light?

Skeeter Bronson: Oh, OK. Here we go, nice and dark again.

[Skeeter turns the lights off]

Skeeter Bronson: The germs are confused.
Mickey: Look's like Bugsy's eaten a lot of burgers in the last ten minutes.

Skeeter Bronson: Wow!

Mickey: He keeps going like that, we could make bacon out of Bugsy.

[Bugsy looks at them]

Skeeter Bronson: He's kidding, Bugsy. Take it easy.
Skeeter Bronson: You mind sleeping over? I'm gonna duck out a few hours.

Mickey: Oh, yeah, yeah. Mmm. By the way, um... I am, uh, legally obliged to tell you that I suffer from... sleep panic disorder.

Skeeter Bronson: OK, what's, uh, sleep panic disorder?

Mickey: Believe me, you don't want to know.
Skeeter Bronson: Good thing my wallet only had three dollars in it. And my Derek Jeter baseball card!
Wendy: Hey, isn't she a little old for you?

Patrick: She's hot.
Tricia Sparks: Uh, Patrick, hi. I'm Trisha Sparks. I just wanted you to know that... thanks for saving the school.

Skeeter Bronson: Western. Go western!

Patrick: No thanks necessary, ma'am.

Skeeter Bronson: That's my boy. That's my boy.

Tricia Sparks: There must be some way for me to show my appreciation.

Skeeter Bronson: Oh-ho-ho! Get it.

[Trisha kisses Patrick]

Skeeter Bronson: Ooh! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
Skeeter Bronson: What the heck did you do that for?

Angry Dwarf: Because I'm angry.
Skeeter Bronson: *Mumbling*

Mickey: Jumping up and down on the alligator.
Violet Nottingham: You, truth or dare?

Patrick: Truth.

Violet Nottingham: How old were you the first time you kissed a girl?

Bobbi: Patrick never kissed a girl.

Patrick: Girls are ick, except for Tricia Sparks.

Violet Nottingham: Ohh, this Tricia Sparks, is she a girl in your class?

Bobbi: Aunt Jill, did you get our message?

Jill: Yes I did, and now it is time for you to get ready for school. Oh my gosh you are...

Violet Nottingham: Yes, and here is you fat rat. And you, I expect to hear all about this Tricia Sparks next time I see you.

Jill: Tricia Sparks is two years older than you.

Patrick: She's hot.
[as she watches Skeeter and Barry Nottingham hug]

Donna Hynde: That is so sweet... and creepy.