Batman: Under the Red Hood Quotes

Joker: [strikes Robin with crowbar] What hurts more? A? Or B? Forehand? Or backhand?

[puts his ear to Robin's face]

Joker: A little louder, lamb chop. I think you may have a collapsed lung. That always impedes the oratory.

[Robin spits in his face]

Joker: Now, that was rude. The first boy blunder had some manners. I suppose I'm going to have to teach you a lesson so you can better follow in his footsteps. Nah, I'm just gonna keep beating you with this crowbar.

Nightwing: Packs quite the punch for a toaster on steroids, huh? Need a hand?

Batman: No.

Nightwing: Okay, well, how about I just stick around and watch?

Joker: [to Nightwing] Oh, Bird Boy, you're so much less fun now. All grown up and in your big-boy pants. Still, better off than his replacement, right? Even tougher making with the yuks when you're worm food, huh?

[Batman flings Joker across the room, he angrily picks Joker up by the throat and slams him against the wall as Night wing looks on]

Joker: [smiles] You gonna do it this time?

[Batman releases his grip dropping Joker to the floor]

Joker: So disappointed but back to the matter at hand, do you really think I would go through all that trouble and not make sure you knew it was me?

Red Hood: Just be happy I only killed one of them. They're all assassins.

Batman: And what are you?

Red Hood: I'm cleaning up Gotham. More than you ever did.

Batman: You're stealing territory from Black Mask and killing anyone who gets in your way.

Red Hood: Black Mask is just a part of the plan.

Batman: Plan? You're becoming a crime lord!

Red Hood: Yes! You can't stop crime. That's what you never understood. I'm controlling it. You wanna rule them by fear, but what do you do with the ones who aren't afraid? I'm doing what you won't, I'm taking them out.

Batman: Tell me what happened to you. Let me help.

Red Hood: It's too late. You had your chance. And I'm just getting started.

Black Mask: Are you telling me that scumbag stole my guns, *again*?

Ms. Li: No, sir, he destroyed them. Blew up the truck, the driver...

Black Mask: Damn it! Of all the... *damn it!*

Ms. Li: Previously he was just enlisting anyone under our province to come work for him. Now he just seems to be killing them.

Black Mask: Oh, so we got another Batman? One who doesn't mind the blood?

Ms. Li: No, sir. He's no Batman. He's still taking huge cuts from off the streets. But now, he's eliminating the competition. He's coming after you.

[Black Mask upends his desk in a rage and starts pacing the room]

Black Mask: You wanna tell me why this guy ain't dead?

Ms. Li: We're trying. We sent the Fearsome Hand of Four.

Black Mask: [punches out his bodyguard] Four? Guess they're gonna need a new name.

[punches out a second]

Black Mask: Why hasn't Batman wiped this little smear off the face of the planet?

Ms. Li: Maybe he doesn't want to. Perhaps he's letting your and the Red Hood war it out. He could be waiting...

Black Mask: [punches out a third] To take on the winner? What does he think this is?

[punches out a fourth]

Black Mask: A *tennis tournament*?

Ms. Li: I'm just saying...

Black Mask: You're an idiot! And you don't know Batman! He's not letting this lunatic just run wild, he can't catch him either...! Or it's something else. Can't you feel it? We're stuck in the damn crossfire!

[a laser dot appears on his chest, and he gasps. He looks out the window and sees the Red Hood on a rooftop, aiming a rocket launcher]

Black Mask: Oh, hell...

[Black Mask dashes out of the room, followed quickly by Ms. Li and the guards]

Red Hood: Wow, he sure can move when he really wants to.

[fires]

Black Mask: I'm being forced into negotiating with a psychotic.

Ms. Li: That doesn't sound good.

Black Mask: No. It's going to be a nightmare.

Red Hood: [strikes Joker with crowbar] Tell me, how does that feel?

Joker: You know, it only hurts when I laugh. But hey... I gotta know. Who are you? You said we knew one another. You do seem really familiar. We double at the prom? Or maybe blow up a school bus together?

Red Hood: No. I'm just something you helped make.

Joker: That's pretty cryptic... but interesting. Tell me more.

Red Hood: Sure.

[raises the crowbar]

Red Hood: Listen up.

Jason Todd: Is that what you think this is about? You letting me die? I don't know what clouds your judgement worse, your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why, why on God's earth...

[smashes closet door open, holding Joker]

Jason Todd: ...is he still alive?

Joker: [cackles] Gotta give the boy points. He came all the way from the dead to make this shindig happen. So who's got a camera? Ooh! Ooh! Get one of me and the kid first. Then you and me, then the three of us. And then the one with the crowbar.

Jason Todd: [puts gun to Joker's temple] You'll be as quiet as possible, or I'll put one in your lap first.

Joker: Party pooper. No cake for you.

Leon: You wanna die? There's easier ways to kill yourself.

Red Hood: Yeah, like yelling at the guy who's holding the AK-47.

Bobo: Okay, crazy man, this is all very generous. But why in the hell should we listen to you?

[Red Hood drops a duffel bag of human heads]

Tyler: Damn.

Red Hood: Those are the heads of all of your lieutenants. That took me two hours. You wanna see what I get done in a whole evening? Make no mistake. I'm not asking you to cut in with me, I'm telling you!

Nightwing: He's got some moves, huh? And as much I hate to belabor a point...

Alfred Pennyworth: And still that is often exactly what you do.

Nightwing: I'm chatty. It's part of my charm. I'm saying that our boy here has some skills. He's been trained and trained well. Like right there. That. He sliced that cable off his ankle before it went taunt.You don't just do that. That has to be practiced. Learned.

Black Mask: I want this man dead. When I say "dead," I mean seriously dead. Beaten, broken. His head mounted-on-my-wall kind of dead!

Ms. Li: Understood. We'll be taking further precautions at every transaction...

Black Mask: SCREW THAT! It's time he learns that this is a contact sport. We're going on offense. Rough up his business. Something big, something loud! When he shows up to shut us down, have a party waiting for him... and when I say "party", I actually mean A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GONNA KILL HIM!

Ms. Li: I figured.

Black Mask: Just being clear.

Batman: [about Jason] Do you remember how he was when I found him?

Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, sir. Fearless, arrogant, brash and gifted.

Batman: Yes. Different than Dick in so many ways but still full of potential and power. But I knew, even from the beginning, he was dangerous. If I hadn't made into Robin, he would have grown to do wrong. Then I got him killed. My partner. My soldier. My fault. I own that. I'll carry that like everything else. But now there's this. He's taken everything I've ever taught him and turned it on me. It's a hell of a making, Alfred.

Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, this is not your doing. You loved him. He knows that. It should be enough.

Batman: It's not.

Jason Todd: Ignoring what he's done in the past. Blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled. You know, I thought... I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshiping garbage and then send him off to hell!

Batman: You don't understand. I don't think you've ever understood.

Jason Todd: What? That your moral code just won't allow for that? It's too hard to cross that line?

Batman: No! God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others, and then... end him.

Joker: Aw, so you *do* think about me.

Batman: But if I do that, if I allow myself to go down into that place... I'll never come back.

Jason Todd: Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about *him*, just him. And doing it because... because he took me away from you.

Batman: I can't. I'm sorry.

Joker: That is so sweet!

Batman: Who are you working for?

Thug: Nobody! Look, we just boosted the truck, and uh...

Batman: Lie to me again, and crashing into a wall head-on will be the least painful activity of your evening.

Joker: [to Batman] You look good. Been working out? You could probably use a little sun. Then again, who am I to talk?

[laughs maniacally]

[to Batman after he uses a rocket to destroy The Red Hood's helicopter]

Nightwing: You know what I miss most about running with you? The toys.

Bruce Wayne: [Dick has been injured] Alfred, take him home.

Dick Grayson: I can help.

Bruce Wayne: You already have. Thank you.

Dick Grayson: Alright but you know where to find me if you need me. He did just... thank me didn't he?

Alfred Pennyworth: Indeed he did sir.

Dick Grayson: Weird.

Batman: You shattered his collar bone!

Young Robin: He's a drug dealing pimp! I didn't think I had to prop up some pillows before I took him out!

Batman: [Red Hood finally removes his mask, revealing his face] Jason.

Jason Todd: Yes.

Batman: I don't wanna fight you.

Jason Todd: All evidence to the contrary.

Batman: Please, I can help you. I know what happened.

Jason Todd: Oh, you got to talking with Ra's, huh? Does it make it easier for you to think that my dip in his fountain of youth turned me rabid? Or is this just the real me?

Black Mask: I hope you understand the trouble I've gone through to arrange this little get together here. A lot of money, a lot of dead meat. Look, I've got a problem, and you are absolutely the man who possesses the gifts to take care of this problem. I need you to murder the Red Hood. You think you can handle that?

Joker: [Joker is eating a packet of chips and coughs] May I have some water?

[One of Black Mask's agents gets him a glass of water, Joker breaks it over the end of the table and shoves it in the agent's throat, takes his gun and shoots the other agents, Black Mask stares down the barrel of the gun as Joker laughs maniacally, then sobers]

Joker: I'm going to need... something to wear.

[fingers the collar of his prison jumpsuit]

Joker: And a very big truck.

Black Mask: Sure. Anything else?

Joker: I'll need some guys.

[pause]

Joker: Not these guys, because, well, they're kind of dead.

[laughs maniacally]

Nightwing: But he is locked up, like a lot locked up. Maybe we should go for a visit.

[Looks over to where Bruce was just sitting to see him gone]

Nightwing: Could you just once say 'Let's get in the car.' Is that so hard?

Nightwing: You're gonna have to do better than that.

Batman: I did.

[Amazo explodes]

Joker: [Putting on a coat] Okay kiddo, I've got to go. But it's been fun though, right?

[turns towards Jason who's lying motionless in a puddle of his blood]

Joker: Well maybe a smidge more fun for me than you, I'm guessing, since you're being awful quiet. Anyway be a good boy, finish your homework, and be in bed by nine. And hey, please tell the big man I said... hello!

[laughs manically and locks the shed]

Batman: You say you want to be better than me, but it won't happen. Not like this.

[punches Red Hood through the wall]

Alfred Pennyworth: Sir, in light of all that's happened... do you want me to take it down?

[Bruce stares at Jason's uniform]

Batman: No. This doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything at all.

[Black Mask's new bodyguard can't stop staring]

Black Mask: You, new guy.

Bodyguard: Sir!

Black Mask: Don't be nervous, kid... but if you keep staring at me like that, I'm gonna cut your eyes out.

[punches him]

[the Joker has captured Black Mask and Miss Li and kept them in a truck with some criminals]

Black Mask: This wasn't part of the damn deal, you freak! Get me out of here, right now!

Joker: [dumps gasoline into the truck] I thought you'd enjoy seeing some old faces. After all, most of these guys used to work for you.

Joker: [playing with a lighter] I'm sorry, could you hold on? I was just in the middle of setting fire to your gang!

Red Hood: Go ahead! You think I care if that scum dies?

Joker: Don't know, I just wanted your attention!

Red Hood: You've always had my attention. But what I really wanted was an audience with you!

Joker: I'm sorry, that seems to imply that YOU organized this little flambé.

Red Hood: I did. Sure, I had lots of plans. But the endgame was getting Black Mask so desperate that he'd cut a deal. He was the only one with the connections to get into Arkham, and get you out.

Black Mask: You can't trust anybody...

Joker: So I've been bamboozled. Oh, my.

Red Hood: I wouldn't undersell it. It took a lot of work to bring about our reunion.

Joker: Reunion? Have we met before?

Red Hood: Yes, we have.

Joker: [finally ignites the lighter] Well, here's to warm memories!

[drops it into the truck]

Joker: So, are we gonna play Truth or Dare? I choose Dare!

[the Red Hood holds up a crowbar]

Joker: ...or maybe I'll stick with Truth.

Red Hood: This is what it's all been about. This! You, me, him! Now is the time you decide! If you won't kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will! If you want to stop me, you're going to have to kill me!

Batman: You know I won't...

Red Hood: I'm going to blow his deranged brains out! And if you want to stop it, you are going to have to shoot me, right in my face!

Joker: This is turning out even better than I'd hoped.

Red Hood: It's him, or me! You have to decide! Decide, NOW! DO IT! HIM, OR ME! DECIDE!

[points a gun at Batman]

Joker: I can't believe you got him! You expert, rootin'-tootin', eagle-eyed, Goth-loving marksman! I love it! You managed to find a way to win... and everybody still loses!

[Jason activates a bomb]

Joker: [holds down Batman] No! Don't spoil it, this is better! I'm the only one who's going to get what he wants tonight! Yes! Big-Bang-Boom! We all go out together! Don't you just love a happy ending?

[laughs]

Batman: What did you do to Jason? Act like you don't know what I'm talking about, and I'll dislocate the shoulder. That's just to start.

Ra's al Ghul: If you haven't disabled the roof sensors, my guards will be here in under a minute.

Batman: Answer me.

Ra's al Ghul: I'm willing to, but it'll be more expedient if you hand me the communicator in my pocket, and I call off my men.

[Batman hands Ra's his communicator]

Ra's al Ghul: Commander, this is Ra's Al Ghul. Stand down. I will be entertaining a guest in my study.

Ra's al Ghul: You remember when we last became embattled?

Batman: You were planning to blow up banks.

Ra's al Ghul: Accurate, if inelegant. I was in the midst of toppling the economy of Europe, but you were on to me. I sought a distraction. So I hired the Joker. When your paths crossed in Bosnia, it was to appear that you had stumbled upon him. He was paid extremely well for what was intended to be a wild-goose chase. Then he murdered the boy. That was not by design. I'm afraid I overestimated my ability to control the Joker, just as I underestimated his madness. It grieved me, sir, to be a party to something so brutal.

Batman: You've never shied away from drawing blood.

Ra's al Ghul: rue, but always with purpose. Always with greater goals. This was simply an unnecessary casualty. As penance, I chose not to make war with you again... and to attempt to rectify this disservice.

Batman: Rectify?

Ra's al Ghul: Yes. I had hoped to return to you what you had lost. I have walked this world for nearly six centuries. As you know, I achieve this by bathing in the rejuvenating waters of the Lazarus Pit. Along with its healing abilities, it has long been rumored that it is capable of an even greater feat... to raise the dead. Procuring the remains of your partner was not difficult. You had come to Bosnia under the guise of Bruce Wayne, and you chose to depart as such. You even concocted the cover story that young Jason had died in a bombing in Sarajevo. This made it easy for me. All it took was a few payoffs to replace his body. I felt confident that you would not perform an autopsy, even if you had, we still would have bought enough time. But my plan... well, detective, it had unfortunate results. He returned to this world but returned damaged. My army searched for months, but we were never able to find a body or pick up a trail. I thought him dead yet again. But I hear you have been having trouble at home. I have returned your son to you as a blight upon your house. He burns the very kingdom you--

[turns to see that Batman is gone]

Ra's al Ghul: --protect.

Ra's Assistant: Shall I alert the guards to pursue him?

Ra's al Ghul: Don't be foolish. They would never catch him. Besides, I have done enough.