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Jay Wheeler: Whats the matter?
Daisy Kensington: You're standing on my toes...
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Probation Officer: [reading] Mr. Wheeler has continued to exhibit, through a series of offences, DUI, resisting arrest, criminal speeding, participation in unlicensed gaming, and now aggravated assault, that he is combative, disruptive and has a general disregard for simple rules and regulations. He also seems incapable of obeying the law.
Jay Wheeler: Whoever wrote that just... just gets me.
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Jay Wheeler: Hey, don't you have somebody locked up in your basement that you need to go torture, or something like that?
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Nurse Susan: You're single because you're an asshole.
Jay Wheeler: Well, yeah, but an interesting and fun asshole.
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Daisy Kensington: Why can't we just fly back on the plane?
Jay Wheeler: Because I violated my probation and you're an escaped mental patient.
Daisy Kensington: Is that bad?
Jay Wheeler: Yeah, that's bad.
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Jay Wheeler: Basic human emotions are not my strong suit.
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Jay Wheeler: What did you do?
Daisy Kensington: I threw his keys away
Jay Wheeler: Why?
Daisy Kensington: Cus if you go to jail, we can't be together
Jay Wheeler: You are hardcore
Daisy Kensington: I am
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Daisy Kensington: I can't eat this!
Jay Wheeler: Why Not?
Daisy Kensington: I think it's Fancy Feast!
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[first lines]
Jay Wheeler: [morning after] Hey. Hey, uh, listen, I'm gonna take off. Do you mind locking the door on the way out?
Pretty Twenty-Something: You *aren't* going to buy me breakfast, are you?
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Daisy Kensington: That man offer me $100 for a handjob. I've never had a job!
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Jay Wheeler: Okay, you're gonna have to drive for a while.
Daisy Kensington: I don't know how to drive.
Jay Wheeler: Right.
Daisy Kensington: My mom said that driving gets you pregnant.
Barefoot Quotes
Extended Reading
