Rob's Mom: Rob? I-I wanna have a little chat with you,

Rob: Uhh, do we have to?

Rob's Mom: I found this sock? In-in the laundry.

Rob: Oh jeez, Mom put that away!
Mr. O'Donnell: [3:02] Miss Johnson. Lunch today?

Miss Johnson: I'll have to check my calendar, perv, um, Pete.
Pastor: [29:52] Fuck it! This is bullshit!
Lube: [1:08:47] Pete O'Donnell, please.

Mr. O'Donnell: Who is this?

Lube: Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski. I just wanted to talk to you about what you wrote in the bible. You know, about having anal sex with Miss Johnson?
Mr. Levenstein: [1:09:27] This is not a sex manual. It is a life manual. I've been married for 35 years, and not just because I'm this handsome dude who knows how to satisfy a woman. I've been married for 35 years because I love my wife and I respect my wife. Whether it's Amsterdam or East Great Falls it all comes down to this: If you're honest and treat a girl with respect then whatever happens is meant to happen because it's all perfectly natural. Boys, I've prepared you for this quest. And before you lies the biggest test of your lives. This book is a powerful weapon. So, use it for good, not evil.
Dana: Ok, so what is so important that you needed to come and interrupt church?

Nathan: I don't really get why you are so mad at me right now.

Dana: Because you don't respect me. This is all just a big joke to you.

Nathan: You know what, you're right. Because this is just another phase for you. Just like your little stint on Yearbook. You stuck with that for, what, two weeks, before you got bored with me.

Dana: Why is it so hard for you to believe I want to wait until marriage.

Nathan: Because you slept with Doug Wheeler and Scott Thompson on the same night.

Dana: That doesn't count. I was drunk.

Nathan: As soon as you get bored with this hole pledge thing, you're gonna jump right back into the saddle again. And when you get to college, don't even tell me that you won't be experimenting with a standard lesbian hook-ups, having three-ways, trying anal.
Nate: What's up?
Scott Stifler: Get your head in the game, doggy style.
Canadian Border Guard - Special Appearance: Fucking Americans!
Dana: This is so not cool. I mean, fantasizing about your best friend's girlfriend.
Dana's Dad: Honey, it is not right to give a man blue balls.
Scott Stifler: Sounds like you're in the market for some homegrown Americans beef!

Imogen: Sorry, I'm vegan.
[Mr. Levenstein answers the phone]

Mr. Levenstein: Hello?

Rob: Hi, may I speak to Noah Levenstein please?

Mr. Levenstein: Speaking.

Rob: Are you the one that created "The Bible"?

Mr. Levenstein: No, that would be God.

[Mr. Levenstein is about to hang up the phone]

Rob: No, No, No, hold on. I'm referring to "THE Bible". I'm calling from East Great Falls High School.