-
[Alice tells off her unfaithful husband, Doug]
Alice: I've done things I didn't know I had in me.
-
Muse: Yeah, I know Professor Davis. He's trying to get you into the sack.
Alice: No!
Muse: Yeah, it's the main reason he teaches: female pupils.
Alice: No, he's, he's very deep! He's not like that.
Muse: Yeah, 'very deep' is exactly where he wants to put it.
-
Alice's Mother: When it came to me and your dad, you had stars in your eyes.
-
Dr. Yang: Love... Love is a most complex emotion. Human beings unpredictable. No logic to emotions. Without logic, there is no rational thought. Without rational, thought there can be much romance, but much suffering.
-
Doug: Lou Gimbel's wife has been on him for working too. So, finally, he rented a store on Lexington Avenue and he's going to bankroll her and she's opening a boutique.
Alice: Oh, really?
Doug: Or, a sweater shop. But, I thought to myself, that's something. Possibly, on a part-time basis, you could help out. You have a nice personality and you know sweaters.
Alice: It's just not really what I had in mind, you know.
-
[explaining to Alice why he wants to have an affair with her]
Joe: There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
-
Alice: But then when dad died you drank yourself to death with, with margaritas.
Alice's Mother: I couldn't help it darling. You know I couldn't resist the taste of salt around the rim of a glass.
-
[first lines]
Doug: Hey, where are you now?
Alice: Nowhere.
Doug: It's late, I have to go.
-
[last lines]
Woman 1: [voiceover] But - she - someone said she's a changed woman.
Woman 2: Speaking of changed women, Gloria Phillips had face work.
Woman 1: Oh, oh - ah, well, of course - she's having an affair with her astrologer, isn't she?
Woman 2: Yes, but she's a changed woman, because you can't tell it's Gloria!
-
[Alice and Joe have taken Chinese herbs that make them invisible. A cab pulls up to the curb, the back door opens by itself, and they get out]
Joe: Geez, nothing shocks these New York cab drivers!
-
Trainer: Ready to get off some cellulite?
Alice: My back is just killing me. I don't know what I've done to it. I've had it x-rayed, I've been to my chiropractor, I had a shiatsu massage, I've been...
Trainer: Have you tried acupuncture?
Alice: I'm scared of needles. I don't know.
Trainer: There's a Dr. Yang. He's supposed to be pretty good.
Alice: I wonder if I had a Swede walk on it?
-
School Teacher: If you want, we can go talk for a few minutes about a kindergarten that would give him the best chances of eventually getting into an Ivy League college.
-
Alice: I'm the wife, you know. I take care of the kids, I host the dinner parties, arrange the social schedule, try to look pretty so your friends can admire your taste. I've become one of those women who shops all day and gets pedicures. But I wanna be more. There's more to me.
-
Alice: I just love the sax.
-
Alice: One last thing. I remember the first time I heard Coltrane on soprano. Until then it had just been tenor, of course, but, it was such a moment, Joe. Opened a whole new world of harmonics for me.
-
Alice: The words were just coming out of me, Nina. I had no idea what I was saying. I had no idea what anything even meant. I was talking about reeds.
Nina: Reeds?
Alice: Coltrane. Who's Coltrane?
Nina: What is that?
Alice: That's what I wanna know.
-
Alice: What have I done? I can't meet a strange man at the zoo.
Nina: Why not?
Alice: I'm not like Jane. I'm not looking for a fast roll in the hay.
Nina: What are you looking for?
-
Alice: God, I have nothing to wear. I've gotten so fat. This is not for me.
-
Joe: I like that kinky stuff. Remember the times we used to lock that door and make love on that couch?
Vicki: Joe, that was a long time ago.
Joe: No, no. It was after we got divorced.
Vicki: Yeah, well, nobody could fault you for your sex drive which is a ten on the Richter scale.
-
Doug: I can't decide if I should get a new Lincoln or try the Cadillac again. What I'd really like is a Bentley. You know, a vintage Rolls or that old Phantom V. But with the kids, I'd never be able to relax.
-
Dr. Yang: In times of great stress sometimes ghost appears.
-
Nancy Brill: [discussing script ideas] Let me stop you. We want blood-and-guts stuff, not so subtle.
Alice: Oh, well. I have another about a young girl who wanted to be a nun.
Nancy Brill: No nuns. They want sexy, unscrupulous, rich, melodramatic, but no nuns. Listen, anything like that occurs to you, we'll talk. Give me a jingle and one of these weeks we'll go to Le Cirque.
-
Ed: Do I sense trouble in paradise?
-
Ed: "Thou shalt not commit adultery," Alice. That's not my line. I read it.
-
Ed: I know how to relax you, Alice. I know all the good spots and there are plenty of 'em.
[laughs]
-
Ed: I sold a picture.
Alice: You did? That's great! Which one?
Ed: The nude of you.
Alice: - Oh, really?
Ed: Stop looking so grim. You're beautiful without clothes.
-
Alice: How many women have you made love to?
Ed: Enough. But you're the only one who ever seriously thought of being a nun.
-
Alice: You didn't have to insult my mother!
Ed: She was a third-rate actress and she should keep her infantile ideas on politics to herself.
Alice: She could've been a big star. And she's smart. And she was right not to understand your paintings. And she was right about you being a - a communist.
-
Alice: So how's the rehearsal coming?
Joe: Oh, fine. We've got a great arrangement on "The Mooche".
Alice: "The Mooche"?
Joe: "Mooche." The Ellington number.
Alice: Oh. "The Mooche." Yes.
Joe: I figured you'd know it, for sure, because you seem so knowledgeable about jazz.
-
Alice: Here's the story. A woman who's never done a dishonest thing in her life, finds herself falling into a love affair with a musician.
Nancy Brill: It's a little vague, Alice.
Alice: Well. Really? You think?
Nancy Brill: Look, be honest. What do you know about that kind of woman?
Alice: Well, I...
Nancy Brill: Who's the woman? Who's the man? Who's the poor husband? Where does it go? What makes it interesting? Is it lurid? Is it sexual? Perverse? Is she a whore? What's the matter? You look pale.
-
Alice: Is that where you where you met your wife? In commercials?
Joe: Yeah, exactly. We were doing a spot for some detergent.
Alice: Detergent.
Joe: It was love at first sight. Christ, within half an hour we were making love in the ladies' room. Oh, excuse me.
Alice: No, that's fine. You have a very charming way of telling things.
-
Dorothy: So, who are you cheating with?
Alice: I'm not cheating. Not physically. You know, not yet, anyway.
-
Alice: My days as a Catholic ended when I was about 16.
Dorothy: My days as a Catholic ended when Mom found my diaphragm.
Alice: But the music was beautiful, wasn't it? And the rituals.
-
Alice: Sometimes I think I'm not raising my children with the right values. That I'm spoiling them. Not exposing them to the things that matter most. When I was young, I wanted to be a saint. I used to pray with my arms outstretched because it was more painful and I could feel closer to God. I wanted to spend my life helping people, taking care of the sick and the old people. I was never happier than when I got a chance to help out that way. What happened? Where did that part of me go?
-
Alice: This is a big step for me. I just feel - shouldn't it happen more gradually or something?
Joe: Well, it hasn't exactly been rushed.
Alice: Been rushed? Well, I don't know. It feels rushed. It feels rushed. I've been married now 15 years. I probably I'm just out of practice or something.
Joe: It's not like juggling. You don't have to practise.
-
Joe: [sitting together on the bed] Relax.
Alice: What's relaxed? It's not even dark. God, I prefer it when it's dark.
Joe: Then you can't see anything.
Alice: See? I am going to be going on a diet.
[embrace and kiss]
-
Professor: Dialogue in fiction has two functions. In the novel, to be read to oneself as voices in the mind. And in scripts and in plays, to be read out loud. So that what we're really talking about here is the two aspects of the consciousness of words. Internal and meditative in the novel and external and expressive in the drama and in film.
-
Muse: You're not psychological at all. How can you be a writer?
-
Muse: People that made it don't want people from the past.
-
Muse: What about your mother?
Alice: What, Mom?
Muse: Your mother. She was a movie actress for a while. Her story might make a very good plot.
Alice: She was just in the movies for a very, very short time.
Muse: Yeah and she never made it. Losers are much more interesting.
Alice: Mom's not a loser!
-
Alice: Gee, this wine is really great.
Joe: Well, it's Chambertin 1961.
Alice: Mmm. You know so much about wine, too.
Joe: I know nothing. I ordered the most expensive one and figured it must be the best.
-
Model: Excuse me. There's some heavy breathing in the dressing room.
-
Alice: I guess I've just been so trusting, it never even occurred to me.
Dorothy: Well, there's a difference between being trusting and wearing blinders.
-
Doug: One minute without your charge plates and masseuse and you would be lost!
Alice Quotes
Extended Reading
