After Sex Quotes

[first lines]

Leslie: Oh, god, oh.

Christopher: Ease, ease, easy, easy. Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp. Fucking top five. That was... fucking top five.

Leslie: So what are you saying? Are you saying women have it easier than men?

Christopher: Look, all I'm saying is that you guys, women, have one certain luxury that us men just do not have.

[last lines]

Marco: So, uh, wha, wha, what do you really do, huh?

Alanna: I'm an actress.

Marco: All right. Jesus.

Leslie: Love is not negotiable.

Christopher: Oh, baby, everything is negotiable!

Leslie: Love is not negotiable. No, not love. Love is a guessing game. And that's the beauty of it, there's no guarantees. It's like diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. Sure, right, if it's shallow you end up hurt and paralyzed from the neck down. But if it's deep... it's a leap of faith. It's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees. And that's what life's about!

[exhales forcefully]

Leslie: Okay, you know those carnival games, right? And you know how some of them are really hard to win and some of them are super easy and everyone wins?

Christopher: Sure.

Leslie: Well, it's just that that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize and no one goes home a loser. And... love is the game that's really hard to win.

[pause]

Leslie: But if you do and you get to take home that life-sized stuffed rhinoceros, it feels a whole lot better than taking home that shitty little plastic key chain.

Leslie: *God*, if only your dick was as big as your ego.

Christopher: If it was, I wouldn't be able to walk around,

[chuckles]

Christopher: and neither would you for that matter.

Jay: Think I'm like how you are?

Freddy: I'm not arrogant enough to pretend to know who you are.

Nikki: [talking about pussy] What does it taste like?

[Kat is going to respond but Nikki interrupts]

Nikki: Look, does it taste like chicken? Does it taste like potatoes? I mean, does it taste like tuna?

Kat: Don't... Oh, I can't. No, it...

Nikki: [interrupts] You know, it smells like tuna.

David: You were totally jealous, completely insecure and always certain that I was cheating on you.

Jordy: You *were* always cheating on me.

David: Yea, but you didn't know that.

David: We know why I'm cheating on my girlfriend, because I'm a piece of shit. But at least I know what I am and... and I'm honest with myself about it.

Jordy: Yeah, unfortunately, you're the only person you have the ability to be honest to.

Alanna: Where are you from, Mexico or something?

Marco: Uh... well, I'm spanish and uh... I'm from Madrid.

Alanna: Is... what part of Mexico is that in?

Marco: Oh no, it's... it's in Spain.

Alanna: I know, but isn't that in Mexico?

Marco: No, it's in Spain. It's a country? In Europe?

Alanna: Oh! Okay, like, by England.

Marco: Ye... ye... yeah, kind of. Yes.

[long pause]

Alanna: What, um... what language do they speak there?

Marco: [surprised by her dumbness] Spanish.

Alanna: I know, but isn't that what they speak in, um... in uh... Mexico?

Marco: Yes, but the language... uh, the language originated in Spain.

Alanna: Are you sure?

Marco: [frustrated] Yes, I am uh... positive.