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Kip Lurie: Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding; from this comes idiot children and more lawyers.
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Amanda Bonner: Let's all be manly!
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Amanda Bonner: What I said was true: there's no difference between the sexes. Men, women, the same.
Adam Bonner: They are, huh?
Amanda Bonner: Well, maybe there is a difference, but it's a little difference.
Adam Bonner: Well, you know as the French say...
Amanda Bonner: What do they say?
Adam Bonner: Vive la Difference!
Amanda Bonner: Which means?
Adam Bonner: Which means hooray for that little difference.
-
Adam Bonner: [Adam spanks Amanda's bottom and she gets off the massage table and glares at him] What's the matter? Don't you want your rubdown? What? What are ya, sore about a little slap?
Amanda Bonner: No.
Adam Bonner: Well, what then?
Amanda Bonner: [outraged] You meant that, didn't you? You *really* meant that.
Adam Bonner: Why, no, I...
Amanda Bonner: Yes, you did. I can tell. I know your type. I know a *slap* from a *slug*.
Adam Bonner: Well, OK, OK... .
Amanda Bonner: I'm not so sure it is. I'm not so sure I care to--expose myself to typical instinctive masculine brutality.
Adam Bonner: Oh, come now.
Amanda Bonner: And it felt not only as though you meant it, but as though you felt you had a *right* to. I can tell.
Adam Bonner: What've you got back there? Radar equipment?
-
Adam Bonner: No matter what you think you think, you think the same as I think.
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Kip Lurie: Amanda, my love, why do you stay married to a legal beagle with ten thumbs?
-
Kip Lurie: Well, good luck tomorrow, Amanda. I'm on your side, I guess you know that. You've got me so convinced, I may even go out and become a woman. Goodnight.
[leaves]
Adam Bonner: And he wouldn't have far to go, either.
Amanda Bonner: Shh!
Adam Bonner: What's a matter?
Kip Lurie: [steps back into the kitchen and whispers] He can hear you.
-
Amanda Bonner: And after you shot your husband... how did you feel?
Doris Attinger: Hungry!
-
Beryl Caighn: And then I heard a noise.
Adam Bonner: What kind of noise?
Beryl Caighn: Like a sound.
-
Amanda Bonner: Mr. Attinger had never touched you before this time?
Beryl Caighn: Sure
Amanda Bonner: Ahh!
Beryl Caighn: We used to shake hands quite a lot.
Amanda Bonner: I see. Did you enjoy it?
-
Warren Francis Attinger: [to Adam Bonner] Listen, you don't get a split lip from imagination!
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Amanda Bonner: Nobody died in the evening paper, isn't that nice?
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Kip Lurie: [to Adam] What have you been eating, raspberry jam or Amanda's face?
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Adam Bonner: What do you want around here, anyway?
Kip Lurie: As if you didn't already know.
[looks at Amanda]
-
Kip Lurie: Did I hear someone say "sing it again"?
Adam Bonner: No!
-
Beryl Caighn: She tried to shoot me.
Adam Bonner: How do you know that?
Beryl Caighn: Because she did it.
-
Amanda Bonner: And when did you stop loving your wife? Tell the truth.
Warren Francis Attinger: At least
[shrugs]
Warren Francis Attinger: 3 years.
Amanda Bonner: Why? Tell the truth.
Warren Francis Attinger: She started getting too fat.
Amanda Bonner: Did you tell her about that?
Warren Francis Attinger: Yes.
Amanda Bonner: What happened?
Warren Francis Attinger: She got fatter.
-
Amanda Bonner: [addressing the court] For years, women have been ridiculed, pampered, chucked under the chin. I ask you, on behalf of us all, be fair to the fair sex.
Adam Bonner: We'll be here a year.
-
Amanda Bonner: No part of marriage is the exclusive province of any one sex.
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Amanda Bonner: Now, you look here, Kip. I'm fighting my prejudices, but it's clear that you're behaving like a, like a--well, I'd hate to put it this way--like a *man*.
Kip Lurie: You watch your language!
-
Adam Bonner: [takes a bite out of his fake gun] Licorice. If there's anything I'm a sucker for, it's licorice.
-
Adam Bonner: Is that what they taught you at Yale Law School?
-
Amanda Bonner: Now, look, all I'm trying to say is that there are lots of things that a man can do and in society's eyes, it's all hunky-dory. A woman does the same thing--the same, mind you--and she's an outcast.
Adam Bonner: Finished?
Amanda Bonner: No. Now I'm not blaming you personally, Adam, because this is so.
Adam Bonner: Oh, well, that's awfully large of you.
-
Amanda Bonner: All I'm saying is, why let this deplorable system seep into our courts of law where women are supposed to be equal?
Adam Bonner: Mostly, I think, females get advantages.
Amanda Bonner: We don't want advantages, and we don't want prejudices.
Adam Bonner: Oh, don't get excited, honey, and don't--oh, you're giving me the Bryn Mawr accent.
-
Amanda Bonner: This sort of thing burns my goat.
Adam Bonner: Your what?
Amanda Bonner: My goat! My goat!
-
Amanda Bonner: Sorry.
Taxicab Driver: Ah, you lady drivers! You'll put me away yet.
-
Roy: I've got a theory. You wanna hear it? I think the human race is having a nervous breakdown!
-
Amanda Bonner: What do you think of a man who's unfaithful to his wife?
Grace: Not nice, but...
Amanda Bonner: All right, now, what about a woman who's unfaithful to her husband?
Grace: Something terrible.
Amanda Bonner: Aha!
Grace: Aha what?
Amanda Bonner: Why the difference? Why the difference? Why not nice if he does it and something terrible if she does it?
Grace: I don't make the rules.
Amanda Bonner: Sure you do. We all do.
-
Amanda Bonner: A boy sows a wild oat or two, the world winks. A girl does the same: scandal.
-
Amanda Bonner: Why? Why? What's so funny?
Adam Bonner: Nothin'. You just sound cute when you get causey.
-
Adam Bonner: Why did you marry her?
Warren Francis Attinger: How should I know? Who knows? Why'd you marry yours? Does anybody know?
-
Amanda Bonner: Now, when did you begin to suspect that you were losing your husband's affection?
Doris Attinger: Um, when he stopped battin' me around.
Amanda Bonner: When was that?
Doris Attinger: Eleven months ago. March 14.
Amanda Bonner: He struck you?
Doris Attinger: First time, he broke a tooth. My tooth.
-
Amanda Bonner: Did you ever question him about his behavior?
Doris Attinger: Certainly.
Amanda Bonner: Did he offer any explanation?
Doris Attinger: Certainly. He told me to shut up and mind my own business.
-
Amanda Bonner: Pinky.
Adam Bonner: Calling me?
Amanda Bonner: What's that?
Adam Bonner: Just the best hat in the world - for the best head.
-
Amanda Bonner: You're not gonna put this poor girl away just because she had the misfortune to be born a female.
-
Adam Bonner: I am going to cut you into 12 little pieces and feed you to the jury, so get prepared for it.
Amanda Bonner: [turns off the light, takes off her robe] Goodnight, Pinky.
[kiss]
Adam Bonner: Aww, goodnight.
-
Amanda Bonner: May it please the court, I submit that my entire line of defense is based on the proposition that persons of the female sex should be dealt with, before the law as the equals of persons of the male sex. I submit that I cannot hope to argue this line before minds hostile to and prejudiced against the female sex.
-
Amanda Bonner: Do you believe in equal rights for women?
Paul Hurlock: I should say not!
-
Adam Bonner: Where do you wanna go tonight?
Amanda Bonner: No place. I wanna stay home tonight.
Adam Bonner: What?
Amanda Bonner: Would you mind?
Adam Bonner: What?
Amanda Bonner: Please?
Adam Bonner: Well, I don't know.
Amanda Bonner: Cook up something ourselves. Something exotic! How would you care for some of that?
Adam Bonner: Oh, I would.
Amanda Bonner: Of what?
Adam Bonner: What you said.
-
Amanda Bonner: You feel Pinky, cranky? You feel cranky, Pinky?
Adam Bonner: Hmm?
Amanda Bonner: You feel cranky, Pinky?
-
Amanda Bonner: Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Adam Bonner: Give you a real rubdown later if you'll give me one.
Amanda Bonner: Yeah, Adam!
-
Adam Bonner: Hey, do you know you were pretty cute in there today, my little?
Amanda Bonner: You weren't so bad yourself, chum.
-
Adam Bonner: Pinkie?
Amanda Bonner: What, Pinky?
-
Kip Lurie: Hello, you well-known thing, you.
Adam Bonner: How are you?
Kip Lurie: You just ask that because you can't think of anything else to say. You don't care whether I live or die.
-
Warren Francis Attinger: Mr. Attinger, did you ever--strike your wife?
Warren Francis Attinger: Not much.
Amanda Bonner: Tell the jury yes or no. Yeah.
Warren Francis Attinger: Yeah.
Amanda Bonner: Knock her down?
Warren Francis Attinger: What?
Amanda Bonner: You heard me. Did you ever knock her down? Tell the truth.
Warren Francis Attinger: Maybe a couple of times, she tripped or slipped.
Amanda Bonner: Scold her?
Warren Francis Attinger: Well...
Amanda Bonner: Tell the jury yes or no.
Warren Francis Attinger: Yeah.
Amanda Bonner: Stay out all night.
Warren Francis Attinger: Yep.
Amanda Bonner: Do you consider yourself a good husband?'
Warren Francis Attinger: Yes.
Amanda Bonner: That's all.
-
Doris Attinger: I says, "Listen, Warren." I says, "You can't have it both ways, you know. So make up your mind and don't try to make some kind of part-timer out of me." So he says, "Bite your tongue, fatso."
-
Amanda Bonner: May I remind the court of the words of the poet Congreve? "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned!"
-
Amanda Bonner: You're aging fast, that's all.
Adam Bonner: You can say that again.
Amanda Bonner: All right, I will. You're aging fast, that's all.
Adam Bonner: Oh, and you're helping.
-
Adam Bonner: You're having the wrong kind of fun down in that courtroom. You're shaking the law by the tail and I don't like it!
-
Adam Bonner: Oh, don't be diriculous, ridiculous.
-
Amanda Bonner: I have called these few witnesses to assist me in graphically illustrating my point that woman as the equal of man is entitled to equality before the law. They have been carefully selected to testify in this case. Each representing a particular branch of American womanhood for not only one woman is on trial here but all women.
-
Amanda Bonner: Just what is it that you do?
Olympia La Pere: Well, it changes, see? Like, take, for instance, tumbling. I used to do a lot of that tumbling but it gets corny, and I'm stuck with the role of flip-flap.
-
Olympia La Pere: We do this open pyramid where I support five men.
Amanda Bonner: Surely, you're not the only female who does that.
-
Olympia La Pere: This was a good act. You see, they lift, lift, lift and then the last guy does a one-hand 350 barbell lift. Then while he's still got it up I come on and lift him with his barbell together. Peeled down, see, so they could tell I was a woman.
-
Adam Bonner: I've done it all the way I said I would. Sickness, health, richer poorer, better or worse. This is too worse. This is basic. I'm old-fashioned. I like two sexes. Yeah, and another thing, all of a sudden, I don't like being married to what is known as a new woman. I want a wife, not a competitor. Competitor! Competitor! If you wanna be a big he-woman, go and be it, but not with me.
-
Amanda Bonner: Law, like man, is composed of two parts. Just as man is body and soul so is the law letter and spirit.
-
Amanda Bonner: Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury I request that you join me in a revealing experiment. I ask you all to direct your attention to the defendant, Mrs. Attinger. Now keep looking at her. Keep watching. Listen carefully and look at her. Look at her hard. Now imagine her - a man. Go on now. Use your imaginations. Think of her as a man sitting there accused of a like crime. A husband who was only trying to protect his home. Now hold it, hold that impression and look at - Beryl Caighn. Look at her. Look at her hard. A man. A slick homewrecker. A third party. A wolf! You know the type. Alright, hold that impression and look at - Mr. Attinger and suppose him a woman. Try. Try hard. Ah, yes, there she is. The guilty wife. Look at her. Does she arouse your sympathy? Alright! Now you have it. Judge it so!
-
Amanda Bonner: Deep in the heart of South America there thrives today a civilization far older than ours. A people known as the Lorcananos descended from the Amazons. In this vast tribe members of the female sex rule and govern and systematically deny equal rights to the *men* made weak and puny by years of subservience too weak to revolt. And yet how long have we lived in the shadow of a like injustice?
-
Adam Bonner: I think the arguments advanced by the Counsel for the defense were sound. Mere sound.
-
Court Stenographer: Pinkie?
Adam Bonner: Yes.
Court Stenographer: What's that? A name?
Adam Bonner: Yes.
Court Stenographer: Whose?
Adam Bonner: The Counsel for the defense.
Court Stenographer: Oh. Is that a Y or an I-E?
Amanda Bonner: Y for him, I-E for me.
-
Kip Lurie: You beautiful barrister, you.
Amanda Bonner: As a friend, do--do you think--that I'm unreasonable?
Kip Lurie: I think you're--reasonable.
Amanda Bonner: Yes, but, but do, do I strike you--strike you as overbearing?
Kip Lurie: Under-bearing.
-
Amanda Bonner: I may be wrong about much--about plenty--but not about this.
Kip Lurie: Not about--what?
Amanda Bonner: Marriage. What it's supposed to be? What makes it work or perfect?
Kip Lurie: You're so right.
Amanda Bonner: Balance, equality, mutual everything. There's no room in marriage for what used to be known as the little woman. She's got to be as big as the man is.
Kip Lurie: What if he's a little man?
-
Amanda Bonner: Sharing. That's what it takes to make a marriage.
-
Kip Lurie: I'd probably love anybody who lived right across the hall from me. It's so convenient. Is there anything worse than that awful taking a girl home and then that long trek back alone?
-
Kip Lurie: Want to trade kisses? That's equal.
-
Kip Lurie: Just pretend like they do on the stage like Lunt and Fontanne. You be Lunt and I'll be Fontanne.
-
Adam Bonner: I'm right and you're wrong.
Amanda Bonner: Worthless, corrupt, mean, rotten, dirty, contemptible, little, petty, gruesome, contemptible...
Adam Bonner: You said all that before.
-
Amanda Bonner: I have a thing or two to say too!
Adam Bonner: Oh, no, no.
Amanda Bonner: Or three!
Adam Bonner: Don't try me now, Pinkie.
Amanda Bonner: Don't you Pinkie me!
-
Amanda Bonner: You just get out of here! The manners of a great big educated ape! You think you've humiliated me. Well, that's where you're wrong, my boy. You haven't humiliated anyone with the possible exception of yourself. You've just revealed yourself for what you are! You just couldn't bear to be bested by a woman. Isn't that it? All you want to be is top dog trying to degrade me.
-
Jules Frikke: Juel Delwyn, $280. You should note all these on your stubs. Saves time.
Adam Bonner: That was mine. Not deductible.
Jules Frikke: What is it? Maybe it is.
Adam Bonner: Just some underwear.
Jules Frikke: Underwear? 280 dollars' worth?
Adam Bonner: It wasn't my underwear.
Jules Frikke: Very well.
Amanda Bonner: Thank you.
-
Amanda Bonner: I'm *real* proud of you.
Adam Bonner: I'd rather have you say that than anything.
-
Amanda Bonner: Those were real, those tears.
Adam Bonner: Of course, they were. But I can turn 'em on anytime I want to. Us boys can do it, too, you know. It's just that we just never think to.
Amanda Bonner: Bunk!
Adam Bonner: Bunk, huh? Keep your eye on the eye.
Adam's Rib Quotes
Extended Reading
