Absolutely Anything Quotes

[Dennis barks]

Neil Clarke: What are you talking about, Dennis?... Dennis, shut up, I can handle this!... Dennis, what are you talking about? Actually, that is a really good point, what are you talking about? Dennis, be able to speak!

Dennis: Biscuits!

Neil Clarke: What?

Dennis: Biscuits! For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard!

Neil Clarke: I'm not going to give you a biscuit until you answer my question!

Dennis: Biscuits! Bread biscuits, black biscuits!

Neil Clarke: Is that all you think about?

Dennis: Nothing else matters! Biscuits, please!

Neil Clarke: Dennis, become a rational thinking creature!

Dennis: Look, I just can't concentrate on anything till I've had one of those biscuits! I know it's crazy, but that's how it is. I guess I'm kinda hooked on them. So please, give me just one biscuit, and I'll be able to think about something else!

Neil Clarke: That makes sense.

[goes to the cupboard]

Dennis: Oh, he's getting the biscuits! He's getting the biscuits!

Neil Clarke: [feeds Dennis] God, it must be terrible being a dog! I never knew you had so many cravings!

Dennis: It's no worse than you and that bitch!

Neil Clarke: What bitch?

Dennis: The bitch you were shagging last night!

Neil Clarke: Oh my god, she's not a bitch, she's a lovely human female! And we weren't shagging!

Dennis: Yes, you were!

Neil Clarke: No we weren't, we were talking!

Dennis: Talking about shagging!

Neil Clarke: No!

Dennis: What else is there to talk about?

Dennis: I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now...

Neil Clarke: I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature!

Dennis: Rational thinking creature still have desires!

Neil Clarke: We'll soon deal with that...

Dennis: NO! Don't take my desires away from me!

Neil Clarke: Why not?

Dennis: They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging!

Neil Clarke: I don't think I like your conversation!

Dennis: But I worship you, master! I love you so much! I can't bear displeasing you! My whole world collapses when you're cross with me!

[on hearing the bell, Dennis gets excited]

Neil Clarke: Dennis, listen! Listen, listen, listen! Be quiet! That is an order!

Dennis: Right! Right! I like obeying orders, especially your orders!

Neil Clarke: Good. Then shut the fuck up!... Good boy.

Dennis: Okay... okay... shut the fuck up...

Neil Clarke: I could solve every problem in the world!

Dennis: Have you thought this thing through?

Neil Clarke: Let everybody who died be alive again!

[the living dead rise up]

Neil Clarke: Give me a body that people find attractive!

[He turns into a topless woman]

Neil Clarke: No! A male body! Give me the body of a great man!

[Turns into Albert Einstein]

Neil Clarke: No! Give me the body of a man who people find attractive!

[Turns into a hunky guy]

Neil Clarke: Better.

Neil Clarke: I can do ANYTHING! Okay... bu... but... what do I *really* want?

[Looks down and laughs]

Neil Clarke: GIVE ME A REALLY BIG DICK!

[Falls over]

Neil Clarke: Augh! ouch! NOT *THAT* BIG! Obviously! Dick, return to your old size!

[Gets up]

Neil Clarke: Agh! Ah... Ok. Um... Let me have a penis that women find exciting!

[Looks down]

Neil Clarke: Yeah, it's good, yeah. Could I have it white?

Neil Clarke: [Gets knocked off his bike by a car] Screw you!

[the driver of the car sudden feels an invisible person having sex with him]

Neil: [to sobbing woman in grocery store] It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?

Catherine: What?

Neil: The price of pickles. Don't even look at the marinated herring. Honestly, you'd be suicidal.

Catherine: I didn't want them, anyway. Thanks.

[starts walking away]

Neil: Um, I also offer support and counseling on dips, dried fruit, and pasta sauces.

Headmaster: You, Mr Clarke, are totally irresponsible, you are idle and you are feckless.

Neil: Feckless?

Headmaster: Yes, you are without feck. If I could replace you, I would.