About Time Quotes

[talking about the opening night of his new play, in which the leading actor forgot all his lines]

Harry: It was the Titanic of play openings but with no survivors. No women, no children, not even Kate Winslet, all dead. We sat in total silence for half an hour, waiting for a moron to remember one single line.

[giving his father-of-the-bridegroom speech at Tim and Mary's wedding]

Dad: I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind. And this is a kind man with a good heart. I'm not particularly proud of many things in my life, but I am very proud to be the father of my son.

Tim: [voiceover] And so he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two-part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.

Tim: [voiceover] But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing. Okay, Dad. Let's give it a go.

[Tim has just learned his dad is dying of cancer]

Tim: It's just... I though with the time thing...

Dad: No, I never said we could fix things. I specifically never said that. Life's a mixed bag, no matter who you are. Look at Jesus: he was the son of a God, for God's sake and look how that turned out.

Tim: I know... You must see I feel a bit cheated.

Dad: Don't. In fact, feel the opposite. The only people who give up work at 50 are the time travelers with cancer who want to play more table tennis with their sons.

Tim: Oh look! I've forgotten this. Jimmy Fontana, Il Mondo.

Dad: Greatest record ever recorded by an Italian who looks like he's got a dead badger on his head.

Mum: And what are your faults? I mean, little weaknesses.

Mary: Well, I'm very insecure.

Mum: Sweet.

Mary: Actually, I look like Kate Moss.

Tim: Really?

Mary: No, I sort of look like a squirrel.

Tim: Do you like Kate Moss?

Mary: I absolutely love her! In fact, I almost wore one of her dresses here tonight. You?

Tim: No, no. Her clothes look terrible on me.

Tim: I thought this phone was old, and suddenly it's my most valuable possession.

Mary: You really like me? Even my frock?

Tim: I love your frock.

Mary: And, um, my hair. It's not too brown?

Tim: I love brown.

Mary: My fringe is new.

Tim: Your fringe is perfect. Fringe is the best bit.

Tim: I know you've probably suspected this, but over the last month, I've fallen completely in love with you. Now, obviously this was going to happen because you're a goddess with that face, and that hair. But even if you didn't have a nice face, and even if you had absolutely no hair because of some bizarre medical reason, I'd still adore you. And I wondered if, by any chance, you might share my feelings?

Charlotte: Wow. Tell you what. Why don't we see how the summer goes, and you ask me again on my last night.

Tim: Your last night?

Charlotte: Yes. Try me on the last night. See what happens then, shall we? It's exciting.

Tim: Right. That's a perfect plan. That's absolutely perfect - last night.

Charlotte: Last night.

Tim: Thanks very much.

Charlotte: Night, night, Timmy.

[first lines]

Tim: [voiceover] I always knew we were a fairly odd family. First there was me. Too tall, too skinny, too orange. My mum was lovely, but not like other mums. There was something solid about her. Something rectangular, busy and unsentimental. Her fashion icon was the queen. Dad, well, he was more normal. He always seemed to have time on his hands. After giving up teaching university students on his 50th birthday, he was eternally available for a leisurely chat or to let me win at table tennis.

Tim: [voiceover] And then there was mum's brother, Uncle Desmond. Always impeccably dressed. He spent the days just, well, being Uncle Desmond. He was the most charming and least clever man you could ever meet. His mind was on other things, though we never found out what. And then, finally there was Catherine. Katie. Kit Kat. My sister. In a household of sensible jackets and haircuts there was this, well, what can I call her - nature thing. With her elfin eyes, her purple T-shirts and her eternally bare feet. She was then, and still is to me, about the most wonderful thing in the world.

Tim: [voiceover] All in all it was a pretty good childhood. Full of repeated rhythms and patterns. By the time I was 21, we were still having tea on the beach every single day. Skimming stones and eating sandwiches, summer and winter, no matter what the weather.

Tim: [voiceover] And every Friday night a film, no matter what the weather. And then once a year, the dreaded New Year's Eve party...

Tim: Mum, this is Mary.

Mum: Mary! Good Lord, you're pretty.

Mary: Oh, no. It's just... I've got a lot of mascara and lipstick on.

Mum: Let's have a look.

Mary: [presents her face]

Mum: Oh, yes. Good. It's very bad for a girl to be too pretty. It stops her developing a sense of humor. Or a personality.

Tim: What do you think of her?

Dad: I like her more than you already.

Uncle D: Your father, I think, is not so well. Cancer.

Tim: Yes.

Uncle D: I'm very unhappy about it, Tim. At your wedding he said he loved me.

Tim: He does. I know.

Uncle D: That was the best day of my life. So this is probably the worst.

Tim: So, what do you do?

Mary: I'm a reader at a publisher.

Tim: No! You read for a living?

Mary: Yes. That's it, I read.

Tim: Oh, that's so great. It's like someone asking, "What do you do for a living?" "Well, I breathe. I'm a breather. I get paid for breathing." How did you get that job?

Mary: Okay, smart-ass, what do you do?

Tim: I am a lawyer. Sort of... Sort of.

Mary: That's sexy.

Tim: Is it?

Mary: I mean, I think so. In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives. Kinda sexy.

Tim: I guess it is. Although it's not as sexy as reading. Sitting there in an office in a little chair reading. Ooh!

Mary: Okay, stop. Just wait right there mister, because you know a lot of books get submitted to my publisher. So it's an immense responsibility.

Tim: I bet it is. But when you're doing normal reading,

[they both laugh]

Tim: is it ruined because it's your job? You know, like prostitutes? I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes that they can't enjoy sex anymore.

Mary: You always worry about that?

Tim: No, I sometimes worry about that.

Mary: Oh, okay, good. Because someone who always worried about that would be a bit of a worry.

Tim: When you read a newspaper do you think, "Forget this, it's work"?

Mary: Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes?

Tim: When you read a menu, do you think, "No, I'm not reading this, unless you pay me hard cash"?

Mary: How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved?

[Mary is trying on one dress after another, and can't decide which one to wear to a party]

Mary: How about the blue one?

Tim: The first one that you tried on, that was boring and lumpy, but that wasn't actually boring and lumpy, that one?

Mary: Yeah, which do you prefer?

Tim: I don't know. I'm actually starting to go mad.

Mary: I think I like the blue one.

[talking about Tim]

Mum: You were such an ugly baby. More chimpanzee than child. I remember the first time I saw you, I thanked God we were within driving distance of London Zoo.

[Tim takes Kit-Kat back in time to the party where she first met Jimmy]

Kit Kat: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my arsing God in a box!

[Tim and Mary are in bed]

Mary: So not such a bad day after all?

Tim: No. It was pretty good, really. Very good day, actually, as it turns out.

Mary: Well, that's a relief. Because it had been a very bad day, I thought I might have had to have had sex with you to make up for it.

[she turns the light out]

Mary: Goodnight.

Tim: [he is lying blatantly and Mary knows it] It was a very, very bad day. It went very badly. I got fired from my job. And then I killed a man.

[she turns the light back on]

Mary: That is a very bad day.

Tim: It's terrible.

Mary: Yeah, the worst day ever. I'm so sorry.

[they start to make love]

[Mary wants another baby]

Mary: I just thought that maybe it was time for the insurance baby.

Tim: What?

Mary: In case one of them is really smart. We don't want the other one to feel stupid their whole life. And if we had a third one then we could have *two* happy dummies. What do you think?

[Tim realises that once another baby is born, he will never be able to go back to a time before that]

Tim: [voiceover] It was the toughest decision of my life. Saying "yes" to the future meant saying "goodbye" to my dad - forever.

Dad: Tim, my dear son, the... The simple fact is the men in this family have always had the ability to... This is going to sound strange, be prepared for strangeness. Get ready for spooky time, but there's this family secret. And the secret is that the men in the family can travel in time. Well, more accurately, travel BACK in time. We can't travel into the future.

Tim: This is such a weird joke.

Dad: It's seriously not a joke.

Tim: So you're saying that you and granddad, and his brothers could all travel back in time?

Dad: Absolutely.

Tim: And you still do?

Dad: Absolutely. Although it's not as dramatic as it sounds. It's only in my own life. I can only go to places where I actually was and can remember. I can't kill Hitler or shag Helen of Troy, unfortunately.

Harry: [showing him his new room] Here you go. Try not to make too much noise, particularly when having sex.

Tim: No chance of that.

Harry: Christ, two losers in one house.

[pointing at a picture]

Harry: That is my daughter. Have sex with her if you like. Apparently everyone else has.

Tim: Oh look I have forgotten about this. Jimmy Fontana's Il Mondo

Dad: Greatest record ever recorded by an Italian who looks like he's wearing a dead badger on his head.