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Violet Baudelaire: Why do you hate us so much?
Count Olaf: Because it's fun!
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Count Olaf: [produces an hourglass] When the sand runs out, the Baudelaire fortune will be mine!
[the sand runs out]
Count Olaf: ...I bought it online. You need to turn it over a few times.
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Count Olaf: In all honesty I prefer long-form television to the movies. It's so much more convenient
[looks at camera]
Count Olaf: to consume entertainment from the comfort of your own home.
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[theme song]
Count Olaf: Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / This show will wreck your evening, your whole life, and your day! / Every single episode is nothing but dismay! / So look away! Look away, look away!
[different verse that varies with each adventure]
Count Olaf: Just look away! Look away! / There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way / Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" and they will say: "Look away!" / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away! / Look away, look away!
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[the Bad Beginning]
Count Olaf: Three children lose their home and go to live with someone awful / He tries to steal their fortune with a plot that's not quite lawful / It's hard to fathom how the orphans managed to live through it / But how a decent person, like yourself, would even want to view it...
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[the Wide Window]
Count Olaf: The Baudelaires' new guardian is wracked by fear and panic / They end up on a boat that might as well be the Titanic / We polled a bunch of adults, 99% agree / There must be something happier on screen for you to see...
A Series of Unfortunate Events Quotes
Extended Reading
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld, Mark Palansky, Allan Arkush
Language: English Release date: January 13, 2017