A Perfect World Quotes

Sally Gerber: The idea is that an understanding of the particular behavioral case history should, in parole situations, help the subject to avoid habitual traps - and, in penal escape situations, could conversely identify those self-same traps as an aid to apprehension.

Chief Red Garnett: ...Let me tell you somethin', Miss Gerber.

Sally Gerber: Sally is fine.

Chief Red Garnett: Let me tell you somethin', Sally: This is not a 'penal escape situation', this happens to be a manhunt. And no talkin' around in circles is gonna fix all that.

Sally Gerber: And what will?

Chief Red Garnett: Well, it's having a nose like a Bluetick, possum medulla, with an antenna and a lot of coffee.

Butch Haynes: You know, Phillip, you have a goddamn red, white and blue American right to eat cotton candy, ride roller coasters.

Phillip Perry: I do?

Butch Haynes: Hell, yes, you do!

Chief Red Garnett: [interrupting a confrontation] How do you like your steak, Sally?

Sally Gerber: Rare.

Chief Red Garnett: Good. Well, I'll, uh, wipe its ass, herd it through, and you can tear off a slab. How's that?

Sally Gerber: On second thought, medium rare.

[last lines]

Sally Gerber: You know you did everything you could. Don't you?

Chief Red Garnett: ...I don't know nothin'... Not one damn thing.

Butch Haynes: You ain't so friendly!

[he shoots out the store window]

Terry Pugh: [after tearing up phone book upon failing to find his cousin] Must've moved. Probably couldn't have heard him anyway; this goddamn ear's still bleedin'. You ever try that shit again...

Butch Haynes: [sternly] What?

Terry Pugh: [puzzled] ... What?

Butch Haynes: You were in the middle of threatenin' me.

Terry Pugh: [holds up a revolver] Ain't a threat - it's a fact.

Butch Haynes: Here, kid - take the wheel.

[Phillip holds the wheel to steer as Butch turns to face Pugh in the back seat]

Butch Haynes: In two seconds, I'm gonna break your nose. That's a threat.

[Butch punches Pugh in the nose, then picks up the gun as Terry moans]

Butch Haynes: ...And that's a fact.

Terry Pugh: I'm gonna kill you for that.

Butch Haynes: And that's a threat. Begin to understand the difference?

Terry Pugh: [after Butch has Phillip point a pistol at his face] You're a fuckin' crazy man.

Butch Haynes: And that's a fact. I believe you're getting the hang of this.

Butch Haynes: [meeting his Texas Ranger pursuer face-to-face] Do I know you, friend?

Chief Red Garnett: ...No. Not really.

Phillip Perry: [after Pugh snatches the car keys] Why'd he take the keys?

Butch Haynes: So I won't leave him.

Phillip Perry: ...*Would* you leave him?

Butch Haynes: ...Oh, yeah.

Butch Haynes: Hey - have you ever ridden in a time machine before?

Phillip Perry: [shakes his head]

Butch Haynes: Well, sure you have - what do you think *this* is?

Phillip Perry: A car.

Butch Haynes: You're lookin' at this thing bass-ackward. This is a 20th-century time machine. I'm the captain...

Butch Haynes: [taps Phillip on the head] And you're the navigator. Out there?

Butch Haynes: [points out front windshield] That's the future. And back there?

Butch Haynes: [taps on the rear view mirror, then points toward the back windshield] Well, that's the past. If life's moving too slow, and you wanna project yourself into the future? Just step on the gas, right here.

Butch Haynes: [steps on the gas pedal] See?

Butch Haynes: [laughing lightly] If you wanna slow her down? Well, hell - you just step on the brake here, and you slow her down.

Butch Haynes: [car comes to a stop] This is the present, Phillip. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[first lines]

[Butch lies in a grassy meadow, next to a Casper the Friendly Ghost mask; he opens his eyes as money begins to flutter over him, and looks up at the overhead sun, which is then blocked out by a helicopter, and Butch closes his eyes again; CUT TO: an early Halloween evening as costumed children run about the street; inside the Perry home, the three children sit around the kitchen table]

Naomi Perry: If I was going, I'd go as a, um...

Ruth Perry: A princess!

Naomi Perry: A - yes! Judy Baumer's going as a twirler.

Ruth Perry: But she's so fat. I'd rather go as Cinderella, or Peter Pan.

Naomi Perry: Peter Pan's a boy; Tinkerbell's a girl. Phillip could go as Peter Pan, except you gotta fly.

Ruth Perry: Phillip could go as a bump on a log.

Phillip Perry: Why can't we just go once?

Ruth Perry: 'Cause we just can't, OK?

Gladys Perry: Our personal beliefs lift us to a higher plane.

Superman, Tinkerbell, Dancing Skeleton: Trick or treat!

Gladys Perry: Sorry - we don't take no part in Halloween.

Mr. Hughes: Excuse me?

Gladys Perry: We're Jehovah's Witness.

Superman: [happily] Hey, Phillip Perry!

Phillip Perry: Hey, Billy Grieve!

Superman: How'd you know it was me?

Butch Haynes: [after Phillip nervously picks up the revolver] Point it at me.

Phillip Perry: [looks at Butch, confused]

Butch Haynes: Point it!

Phillip Perry: [points it at Butch, uncertain]

Butch Haynes: Now say, "Stick 'em up!"

Phillip Perry: ...St- stick 'em up.

Butch Haynes: [laughs] ... Perfect.

Chief Red Garnett: I, uh... hope you don't drink before noon.

Sally Gerber: Oh - no, I don't.

Chief Red Garnett: The last one we had here, seemed like she was on a liquid diet.

Sally Gerber: Haynes is a criminal's criminal - armed robbery, man-on-man confrontation. Pugh, on the other hand, has a rap sheet littered with manslaughter, you name it. They'll split soon.

Tom Adler: What about the hostages? What are they gonna do - flip a coin to see who gets to keep who?

Sally Gerber: It's happened before. Either way, it's a dilemma they'll address soon - that's why we've got to address it now.

Chief Red Garnett: Well, "we" don't have a dilemma. Neither do they. They'll simply get rid of one hostage, and keep the other - if they haven't done so already.

Chief Red Garnett: You get to know me a little better, you'll find havin' a strong backside and a good sense of humor'll get you a lot.

Sally Gerber: Yeah; well, I have a fine sense of humor - but the one thing I won't do is be your straight man, so you can play hero to a bunch of morons who think you're some kind of hillbilly Sherlock Holmes.

Chief Red Garnett: [taking a sip of coffee] Oh, shit. Damn... You know, Arthur Godfrey said this stuff'll keep you young, but I'm not sure it's worth it.

Chief Red Garnett: I like the governor. He and I go quail huntin', at least once a year. But he knows - and I know - that win, lose or draw, this is my ship. You understand that?

Sally Gerber: Oh, yeah - I got that. You know what that is? That's anarchy. And I call that horseshit, to use a cowboy colloquialism.

Chief Red Garnett: No, I'll tell you what's horseshit, missy. Horseshit is responsibility. That's the guy who has the sleepless nights; that's the guy who has the ulcers. If this thing goes bloody - and it just might - the governor, he loses a few votes. Me? I'm the one who... I'll tell you what: You see me makin' a wrong move, you go ahead and speak up. I might not agree with ya, but I'll listen. As for steppin' on people's toes and wounded pride, I'll buy all the drinks when this is over. But right now, I got better things to think about. That fair?

Phillip Perry: Are you gonna shoot me?

Butch Haynes: No - no, no. Me and you are friends... If I was choosin' a runnin' buddy, I'd take you over him any day of the week.

Tom Adler: [looking at Texas roadblock map] There - that oughta put his pecker in a sling, huh, Red?... Sorry.

Sally Gerber: Dick humor. Unique. Shouldn't these be roadblocked as well?

Tom Adler: Well, in a perfect world, Miss Gerber, we'd all lock arms and thrash the bushes until he turned up.

Sally Gerber: Well, in a perfect world, things like this wouldn't happen in the first place, right?

Phillip Perry: Can we stop at the filling station?

Butch Haynes: What for?

Phillip Perry: Number one.

Butch Haynes: ...This here's nature, Phillip. Why don't you just... pee over by the tree?

Tom Adler: The locals want to know - if they get a clean shot, should they take it?

Chief Red Garnett: ...No. I don't want any half-assed Sergeant York takin' a pot shot with a deer rifle.

Sally Gerber: The only thing to do - he's got the boy with him.

Agent Bobby Lee: I guess you figure he'll just give up.

Sally Gerber: Maybe; maybe not.

Agent Bobby Lee: Well, now there's a safe bet.

Sally Gerber: Well, I'll give you a safe bet - he's better off now than he was.

Chief Red Garnett: Well, that third eye that Pugh is sportin' on the way to the morgue - that speaks otherwise.

Butch Haynes: You and your old man get along alright?

Phillip Perry: Yes, sir.

Butch Haynes: Toss the ball around, play grab-ass in the yard - that sort of thing?

Phillip Perry: No, sir.

Butch Haynes: Why the hell not?

Phillip Perry: He ain't around, really.

Butch Haynes: Well, he is, or he ain't... When's the last time you saw him?

Phillip Perry: [shrugs]

Butch Haynes: ...Me and you got a lot in common, Phillip. The both of us is handsome devils...

Phillip Perry: [smiles]

Butch Haynes: We both like RC cola, and neither one of us got an old man worth a damn.

Phillip Perry: [frowns]

Lucy: Oh, look - a friendly ghost! Say boo!

Phillip Perry: Boo.

Lucy: Oh, well - not very scary. But you'll have a whole year to work on it, if your daddy lets you have it. It's a good price, too. What'd you go as this year?

Phillip Perry: [pulls back mask] A bandit.

Butch Haynes: You don't want to get undressed in front of me? Is that it?... You're embarrassed 'cause I might see your pecker?

Phillip Perry: ...It's... puny.

Butch Haynes: What?

Phillip Perry: It's puny.

Butch Haynes: Who told you that?

Phillip Perry: [sits sullenly]

Butch Haynes: Lemme see.

Phillip Perry: [shifts uncomfortably]

Butch Haynes: Go on - I'll shoot you straight.

Phillip Perry: [pulls down shorts]

Butch Haynes: Hell no, Phillip. Good size, for a boy your age.

Phillip Perry: [smiles broadly]

Tom Adler: One puzzler, though - they say the kid could have gotten away, but he didn't.

Sally Gerber: Probably scared to death.

Tom Adler: Well, one more thing: The kid stole a Halloween outfit.

Chief Red Garnett: So they're a team.

Sally Gerber: [imagining herself as Butch] I killed a man when I was eight.

Chief Red Garnett: How'd you kill him?

Sally Gerber: Shot him with a .38 special. There was always one lyin' around the dance hall. That's what they called it, but it was a whorehouse; that's where we lived.

Tom Adler: What'd the authorities do?

Sally Gerber: Victim was wanted by the locals, so the whole thing got swept under the carpet, Cajun-style.

Sally Gerber: [imagining herself as Butch] Years later, I'm back in trouble.

Tom Adler: Kill somebody else?

Sally Gerber: Uh-uh. Saw a Ford coupe I couldn't resist, so I took her for a spin.

Tom Adler: Hell - that ain't no big deal.

Sally Gerber: That's what I thought - but the judge didn't. He gave me four years in Gatesville. Toughest juvie farm in Texas.

Tom Adler: Yeah - that's where the sonofabitch *learned* to be a criminal. We've seen that before, haven't we, Red?

Phillip Perry: [seeing the approaching trailer] What is it?

Butch Haynes: Well, it's kinda like a silver whale. And there's people inside, just like old Jonah in the Bible.

Butch Haynes: [honks the horn and pumps his arm in the air] Go like this - maybe they'll honk. Maybe they'll honk back at us.

Butch Haynes: You feel like a hike?

Phillip Perry: How far?

Butch Haynes: Can't be more than - oh, say... fifteen hundred miles.

Phillip Perry: [looks up, stunned and worried]

Butch Haynes: You're probably right. Go give our supplies a check.

Butch Haynes: We're goin' trick or treatin', Phillip.

Phillip Perry: [stops in his tracks]

Butch Haynes: ...What's the matter now?

Phillip Perry: We ain't allowed to go trick or treatin'.

Phillip Perry: Huh?

Phillip Perry: My mama doesn't allow it.

Butch Haynes: Trick or treatin' - why not?

Phillip Perry: Against our religion.

Butch Haynes: It's against your... against your - what kind of foolishness is that?

Phillip Perry: Jehovah's Witness.

Butch Haynes: ...Now, Phillip, I'm askin' you. I ain't askin' your mother; I ain't askin' Jehovah. You want to go trick or treatin', or not?

Phillip Perry: [thinks for several seconds, then nods determinedly; Butch walks off, and Phillip follows]

Phillip Perry: [on the family they have deserted along the road] They look funny.

Butch Haynes: Maybe. But Bob did the right thing. What if he'd put up a fight? I mighta had to shoot him.

Phillip Perry: [turns to Butch, angry]

Butch Haynes: And where would that family be then? No, Bob's a fine family man. And that's about the best thing a fella can hope to be.

Tom Adler: They got T-bones in the fridge!

Naomi Perry: Now, I don't think we should eat that - those were ordered special for the governor.

Tom Adler: And Tater Tots!

Naomi Perry: He might not approve of this!

Chief Red Garnett: That so? Hmmm... I *do* like Tater Tots.

Agent Bobby Lee: Think you're pretty smart now, don't you?

Sally Gerber: Excuse me?

Agent Bobby Lee: I ain't smart, but goddamn - you are pretty.

Sally Gerber: Please...

Agent Bobby Lee: See, I think that, uh, business and pleasure should just, uh, naturally mix. Don't you?

Sally Gerber: [laughs him off]

Agent Bobby Lee: Now, take me - I... I love my work.

Sally Gerber: So did Hitler.

Agent Bobby Lee: Goddamn - you got a mouth on you.

Phillip Perry: Thank you, Father, for your bountiful nature and goodness.

Butch Haynes: Amen. Now, dig in, Buzz.

Butch Haynes: You Dottie?

Eileen: Eileen. Dottie died. Her son runs the place but, uh... he ain't never here.

Butch Haynes: Never?

Eileen: He leaves around four. You know, not much traffic after lunch.

Eileen: [takes a pickle spear from Butch's plate, sucking it and biting it suggestively, then licks her finger]

Eileen: ...If you need me, I'll be right over here.

Butch Haynes: Ain't you ever seen your mama kiss a man?

Phillip Perry: No... Kissed her backside, huh?

Butch Haynes: ...Well, it's kinda hard to explain. I... I know how it must've looked... Hell, I - hell, *I* don't know how it looks.

Phillip Perry: You love her?

Butch Haynes: Who?

Phillip Perry: The lady who cooked the hamburgers.

Butch Haynes: ...Yeah, Phillip - yeah, I love her... I kissed her butt, didn't I?

Phillip Perry: [bursts out laughing]

Butch Haynes: If you wanted to go home so bad, why didn't you stay at the store today?

Phillip Perry: 'Cause.

Butch Haynes: 'Cause why?

Phillip Perry: 'Cause - I stole. Put me in jail - probably go to hell.

Butch Haynes: [laughs] Same difference, Phillip. Same difference.

Butch Haynes: Can you write?

Phillip Perry: I can print.

Butch Haynes: Good enough. I want you to make up a list, of everything you ever wanted to do, wasn't allowed to.

Phillip Perry: Like what?

Butch Haynes: Like... cotton candy.

Phillip Perry: [writing] Cotton candy...

Butch Haynes: Hell, I don't know, Phillip. It's your list.

Phillip Perry: ...Butch?

Butch Haynes: Yeah?

Phillip Perry: How do you spell rocketship?

Chief Red Garnett: You got a file on me, too?

Sally Gerber: Hey - it's the '60s, Red; they got a file on everybody, right?

Chief Red Garnett: Just 'cause it's written down, that don't mean it's true.

Sally Gerber: Haynes' juvenile court record lists you as amicus curae? Evidence given by a non-party with the intention of swaying the judge one way or the other?... Yeah - well, usually, it comes in written form, but there was no copy attached... Silence. OK. Well, at least tell me why Haynes did four years for a joyride, huh? What about probation? Boy had a home, a father.

Chief Red Garnett: What did your file say about him?

Sally Gerber: That he was a petty thief who did a little time - got out, and stayed pretty clean.

Chief Red Garnett: Your precious files are wrong.

Sally Gerber: OK. So tell me the truth.

Chief Red Garnett: Haynes' old man - he's a... he was a career criminal. Had a soft spot for whores, and... one thing's for sure - he beat the hell out of anything he ever came across, or screwed, or fathered. If I -... If the judge had let the boy go home with him, he'd have a rap sheet as long as your arm within a year... Gatesville wasn't so bad. I've known kids there who stayed straightened up... One even became a priest.

Sally Gerber: I don't get it.

Chief Red Garnett: Well, you don't get it. In Texas, the bottom line is who you know, and what they owe you. It's how I do my job; it's how you got your job.

Sally Gerber: You are tough, aren't you?

Chief Red Garnett: I bought that judge a T-bone, and I told him to send the boy up. I told him it was the right thing to do. Judge went with me, right down the line.

Lt. Tom Hendricks: Cordoned off the area.

Chief Red Garnett: Tight?

Lt. Tom Hendricks: Watertight. Like a frog's pussy. Sorry, ma'am.

Sally Gerber: No doubt an observation based on personal experience.

Butch Haynes: If you and your pals back outta here, uh... I'll drop the boy at the border! If you don't, I'll shoot him in the head. I mean it!

Phillip Perry: [stares at Butch]

Butch Haynes: ...Don't look at me like that. I ain't have a gun... What'd you do with the pistola, anyway?

Phillip Perry: ...Dropped it in the well.

Butch Haynes: ...Good thinkin'.

Dick Suttle: If he kills the boy, he'll get the chair.

Tom Adler: He'll probably get the chair anyway - he's killed two in two days.

Sally Gerber: We don't know he killed either of the victims.

Tom Adler: He wasn't sittin' at home in his Stratolounger. Besides, who killed Pugh? Casper?

Butch Haynes: Now that you got your... self a ghost suit, think she'll let you trick or treat?

Phillip Perry: I got to do *one* house.

Chief Red Garnett: She promises!

Butch Haynes: Make her say it!

Gladys Perry: ...Uh - I promise!

Butch Haynes: Can we trust her?

Phillip Perry: She's a real good mama.

Butch Haynes: I want you to strut right over to them cops, and yell, "Trick or treat!"

Phillip Perry: What are you gonna do?

Butch Haynes: Somethin' will come to mind.

Butch Haynes: Personally, I think we negotiated a pretty fair deal. Was there somethin' else you want?

Phillip Perry: Do they want to shoot you?

[Butch puts his head down; Phillip kneels and hugs him, crying]

Chief Red Garnett: [slugs Lee]

Lt. Tom Hendricks: Whoa! Whoa! Back off!

Tom Adler: Take it easy, Red.

Lt. Tom Hendricks: What the hell was that all about?

Chief Red Garnett: I didn't say "when".

[Red walks off, and Sally knees Lee in the groin]