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Kenny G: It's not a flute, bitch!
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Carla: [to Ty] Put a baby in me, Santa number two!
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Ruth: [introducing herself] Hello. Ruth, like Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Isis: Oh. Isis, like the terrorist organization.
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Dr. Karl: Your mom was probably pretty normal before she had you. But then you were born. And you didn't sleep for six months. So she didn't sleep for six months. And you refused to eat. And when you did eat, you would barf all over her clothes. And that made your Mom a little crazy. And then you fell off your bike and broke your arm. And then you got bullied in school and then you started dating that weird dude with the stick through his nose. And all those things? Made your mom a little more crazy. And then you got married and bought a house you can't afford and you raise kids who never say "please" or "thank you", shit, they can't even read, and all those things made your mom super duper crazy. And now you come into my office and go "Dr Karl, why's my mom so crazy?" And this answer is... You, motherfucker! You made your mom crazy! So be nice to your mom, 'cause you the one who fucked her shit up!
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Ruth: Amy, it's December 19th. Even the Jews have their Christmas trees by now.
A Bad Moms Christmas Quotes
Extended Reading
