[from trailer]

Dwayne: Sometimes fate pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in face.
[from trailer]

Nick: [unzips a vest to show a bomb strapped to his chest] Guess what? You just brought a gun to a bombfight, officer!
[from trailer]

Dwayne: I liked the bear, I don't even fucking know you.
[during the bank robbery, to a man sporting a handlebar moustache]

Chet: Quit lookin' at me, moustache!
Nick: I taught myself how to do this shit. Went online, looked all this up!

Dwayne: Oh I hear ya. I taught myself how to eat pussy and cut my own hair!
Chet: [singing] Painting our guns, painting our guns for the bank robbery, 'cause if we go in with our plastic guns then the cops will shoot us in our face...
Chet: You wanna fuck my sister?

Nick: I said your sister was sexually attractive.

Chet: Uh, my twin sister? Which is basically like fucking me?
Dwayne: Fucking victory tacos!
Chet: [gasp as Nick shows the bomb vest] What the fuck? Is that thing real?

Nick: Chet, if I don't get to the money in time. This thing gonna blow.

Chet: [angry] And your first though was to come to a school, filled with young children
Nick: Remember graduation night?

Chet: When you were nailing Tina Scotto?

Nick: Actually, I was having the best night of my life with your sister.
Chet: Okay, climb through the window.

Nick: You climb through the window!

Chet: No, I'm holding the bag.

Nick: I'm holding the bomb!
Nick: [to Mr. Fisher] Now, listen to me... We're obviously, uh, stealing the car! And you won't report it stolen until later tonight, let's say... 5 o'clock. Or 6, to be safe!

Chet: 6:15!

Nick: Yeah, right! 6:15.

Chet: Don't even bother calling the cops! We own the cops!
Nick: Now, give me the fucking code.

Dwayne: Alright. 69-69-69.

Nick: [pauses] You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Kate: Why did that engine explode?

Nick: Remember that bomb I was telling you about? I kind of typed in the code, reactivated it and put in the back of that guy's van.

Chet: What? That's some John McClane shit! Yes!

Kate: How did you remember the code?

Nick: [hesitates] It doesn't matter. We are alive, and we are rich.
Dwayne: You're a cold son of a bitch, dad.

The Major: That's what it takes, boy. In the Corps, pussies like you wore dresses to keep us entertained.

Dwayne: That's really fuckin' disturbing.
Kate: You're late.

Nick: No, no, I'm 45 minutes late, which is, like 10 minutes early for me.
Dwayne: What is the one thing this town is missing? I'll give you a hint. It's cash business and it's crawling with sexy bitches.

Travis: Chinese food restaurant?

Dwayne: No.

Travis: Abortion clinic.
Dwayne: Sometimes faith pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in the face.
Chet: Okay, what if we saw off both of your arms, slip the vest over your head, than go to the hospital, they'll re-attach your arms. We'll just keep your arms on ice the whole time.

Nick: Fuck that!

Chet: I don't know what to do, man. All these sites have different shit. There's not a lot of consensus in the bomb disarming community. What did they do in the Hurt Locker?
Travis: If wanting a lot of money is gay, then, yeah, I'm Elton John.
Chet: [trying to pick out the right toy gun to buy and use in the robbery by practicing with it in the store] EVERYBODY! GET DOWN ON THE GR...

Nick: Shhh! Jesus!

Chet: [more quietly] Everybody! Get down on the ground NOW and go get us our money!

Nick: Uh, how are they supposed to get the money when you just told them...

Chet: Go get us our money and THEN everybody get down on the ground!
Dwayne: I've been thinking a lot about the 'polishing the scepter' deal. I know that's really not for polishing the scepter, you're just talking about sucking my dick. But I just want you to know that it's going to be mutual. You won't just have to polish my scepter, I will also lick your crown, which is a euphemism for eating your pussy. Ok, well give me a call when you get a chance. Goodbye.
Nick: [fighting with Chet] You're twins. Did you feel it when I was fucking her?
Chet: Maybe I should just become a bank robber. I'm pretty good at it. Teachers don't make shit. Bank robbers make bank.
Dwayne: This is like the Marines. If you hesitate, if you fuck around, I will leave you behind.
Dwayne: [watching Friday the 13th Part III] I'm not afraid of Jason. Look at me. I'm fucking Jason. In his fucking mask hole.

30 Minutes or Less Quotes

Extended Reading

30 Minutes or Less short comments

Monty 2021-12-18 08:01:05

I like to listen to Eisenberg’s talk, you look like every day~
Sophie 2022-04-20 09:01:44

The front is very beautiful and the ending is snake tail