Trouble Don't Last Always

Ali: Why'd you relapse?

Rue Bennett: I don't know. Couldn't stop my mind from racing.

Ali: Racing about what?

Rue Bennett: Everything.

Ali: Hey, hey. Get specific.

Rue Bennett: [the shrugs her shoulders] All the things I remember and all the things I wish I didn't.

Ali: Okay. I get it. Why didn't you call me?

Rue Bennett: [scoffs] Just... honestly, I wasn't really trying not to relapse.

[Ali laughs]

Rue Bennett: [Rue bites her lip and chuckles]

Ali: Yeah. Man. Okay. Where'd you get the drugs?

Rue Bennett: I had some pills for emergency purposes.

Ali: Fuck. So you never stood a chance.

Rue Bennett: Nope.

Ali: Do you wanna get clean?

Rue Bennett: No.

Ali: You sure?

Rue Bennett: [whispers] Yea.

Ali: [exhales] I get it. I get it.

Rue Bennett: Is that fucked up?

Ali: What? That you don't want to get clean? Yeah, yeah. Of course it's fucked up.

Rue Bennett: Ah. I'm a piece of shit, huh?

Ali: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a piece of shit.

[Rue exhales]

Ali: All right, but, uh, here's the silver lining. You're not a drug addict because you're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit because you're a drug addict. You follow?

Rue Bennett: Mm, I don't really...

Ali: Okay, all right. What I'm saying is, you didn't come out of the womb an evil person. You, Rue, came out of the womb a beautiful baby girl, who unbeknownst to her, had a couple of wires crossed. So when you tried drugs for the first time, it, uh, set something off in your brain that's beyond your control. And it isn't a question of willpower. It's not about how strong you are. You've been fighting a losing game since the first day you got high. So you can destroy your life, you can f*ck your little sister's head up, you can abuse and torture and take for granted your mama, and sit here and look me in the eye, and say, as calm as can be, as cool as a cucumber, "Imma keep usin' drugs." Ha. That is the disease of addiction. It is a degenerative disease. It is incurable. It is deadly. And it's no different than cancer. And you got it. Why? Mm. Luck of the draw. But, hey, but the hardest part of having the disease of addiction, aside from having the disease, is that no one in the world sees it as a disease. They see you as selfish. They see you as weak. They see you as cruel. They see you as, uh, destructive. They think, why should I give a fuck about her if she doesn't give a fuck about herself or anybody else? Why does this girl deserve my time, my patience, my sympathy? Right? If she wants to kill herself, let her. All reasonable questions and responses. But luckily, you aren't the only person on planet Earth who has this disease. There happens to be people like me, who understand that you aren't all that bad.

[Rue chuckles]

Ali: Probably underneath all this busted-ass, chaotic energy, you might even be a good kid. Who knows? And that is why we are eating pancakes on Christmas Eve. Despite the fact that you don't want to get clean.

Rue Bennett: Wait, but haven't you been, like, clean for 20 years? Nah, nah. I was clean for seven years. Wait, really? Yeah, well, I had 12 years before that, but you know, I got cocky. Started to walk around thinking I was invincible. So, now I got seven years. Oh, sh1t. Right. Wait, how do you... How do you relapse after 12 years? You forget how bad it is. Damn. How, how long did you relapse for? A... year and a half. Oh, f*ck. Yeah, f*ck. Yeah. Right. Oh, sh1t. Damn. I thought, I thought you were gonna say, like, a day or something. Nah, nah. Once you get back in that cycle, you know, using and abusing, it's inescapable. Especially if you've been clean for 12 years. That's when the disease starts talking. "Twelve years, Martin, and you ain't never getting that far again." Aah. Wait. Martin? Uh, yeah.

[both laugh]

Rue Bennett: Who's Martin? Martin is me. What? My name. Your name is Martin? Well, it used to be. What? Before I converted. To what? To Islam. Ali, I'm super f*cking confused right now. What am I, your first Black friend? What'd you think, I was actually from the Middle East? I'm from south Philly. What...

[laughs]

Rue Bennett: Yeah, but you, you just don't, you don't look like a Martin. You don't. I didn't think so, either. Do women ever convert to Islam? Very few.