Scrooged

[In the Ghost of Christmas Future funeral scene, we see Frank, hysterically terrified, banging inside around the coffin, trying to escape and make things right for himself before he is doomed for cremation. It is then that, in the next scene, the elevator doors open]

Frank Cross: [Screaming; banging on the elevator doors as they open] I wanna live!

[Frank is back at the IBC Television Network headquarters office floor, revealing that his doomed future has all been a hallucination]

Frank Cross: [Sceams] I'M ALIVE!

[Hallelujah Chorus plays]

Frank Cross: [relieved] Holy shit, what a break! I'm at work!

[Glances at the network's sun image as Eliot holds a shotgun at Frank]

Frank Cross: Oh, God, it's the sun! I never thought I'd see the sun again. I'm alive!

Elliot: [enraged] Not for long!

Frank Cross: [cheerful] Milkman! Ha!

[Frank hugs and kisses Eliot]

Frank Cross: I'm the Woodstock, baby! I'm gonna start with you.

[kisses Eliot again, this time on the lips]

Frank Cross: You're one of my favorites. Come here! I'm alive and so are you!

[still excited and full of joy]

Frank Cross: Hey! Are you glad to see me, or is this a shotgun in your pocket?

[Frank takes the shotgun, then drops it, causing it to fire a shot]

Frank Cross: Okay, you've heard it. Come on!

[shoves Eliot to the elevators]

Frank Cross: Great!

Elliot: [frightened] Don't hurt me!

Frank Cross: [holds out his right hand for a low five] Real alive! Pink slide!

[Eliot slaps on it...]

Frank Cross: Coming back!

[then Frank slaps Eliot's hand...]

Frank Cross: Long sole!

[while Eliot slaps Frank's shoe sole]

Frank Cross: You know this one?

[lifts Eliot's shirt and blows a raspberry nuzzle into his bellybutton]

Frank Cross: That's my thing. I'm gonna do this to everybody.

[blows a raspberry again; Eliot laughs]

Frank Cross: All right, here's the deal.

[spins himself and Eliot around]

Frank Cross: I'll hire you back, twice your original salary, and make you my Vice-President in charge of Programming, and I'll give an office up here. Would you like my office?

Elliot: No, I don't like your office.

Frank Cross: Ha, ha, ha!

[lets Eliot go]

Frank Cross: That's so you!

Elliot: What's the catch?

Frank Cross: The catch, is that you gotta take a shower, little man. You are ripe! Whoa!

Elliot: [confused] There's a problem here. I was looking for a Francis Xavier Cross.

Frank Cross: That's me! But the great thing is, it's not me! The Jews taught me this great word: Schmuck. I was a schmuck, and now... I'm not a schmuck.

[grabs Eliot's neck with his arm]

Frank Cross: Wait a minute. What time is it?

Elliot: Somebody store my watch.

Frank Cross: A quarter to! We didn't miss it! Ha, ha!

[playfully punches on Eliot's chest]

Frank Cross: We didn't miss it!

Elliot: Missed what?

Frank Cross: Christmas! Merry Christmas!

[throws Eliot into the elevator]

Frank Cross: Wah-hoo! Are you alone in there? We're gonna have some fun. You and I are gonna have some fun for once in this life, Loudermilk & Cross together.

[last lines after Frank Cross broke the fourth wall by encouraging the viewers to join the cast in singing "Put a Little Love in Your Heart"]

James Cross: [to Wendie and his friends, excited] My brother, the King of Christmas!