[first lines]
Mona Gray:
[narrating]
I used to love my dad's stories, until the one he told me on my tenth birthday.
Dad:
There once was a kingdom where everybody lived forever. But the problem with nobody ever dying was that the kingdom got very crowded. And so the king, getting squeezed out of his own castle by his endless royal lineage, issued a decree.
King:
[still-life cartoon]
Everybody in my kingdom, please pick one person from your family to die. We will have a mass execution that will bring forth much-needed space. Sorry to bum everybody out, but that's the way it goes.
Dad:
And each family showed up with their martyr, all except one family.
Father:
Sire, we can't decide. We love each other so much that we would all like to die together.
Baker:
Oh, no, they can't all die. They run the bakery. They make the best cinnamon buns in all the land.
Father:
What if we each cut off a piece of ourselves? And with all of these pieces combined, it will be as if one less person lived in town.
King:
Interesting. Hmm. Continue.
Dad:
But the daughter refused.
Daughter:
But, Dad, I like my limbs.
Father:
Don't be selfish. Would you rather one of us die?
Son:
You can have my arm.
Mother:
I'll give my right ear.
Baker:
I see no problem losing some of my fingers.
Father:
I'll throw in my nose.
King:
Guarantee me a leg, and it's a deal.
Daughter:
Well, I do have another one. Okay, I'm in.
Dad:
After the executioner had done the deed, the family made an unsightly sight and business went bad. So the family started selling their cinnamon buns by mail order to the next kingdom. And since no one had to look at them, they were a huge hit, and they made heaps of dough. And the father said to the daughter, "You see what we can accomplish if we all stick together?" The end.
Mona Gray:
[party guests all staring at Mona's Dad]
It was the last birthday party I ever had.
