Stewart Lee

Steve: [Steve gets back onto the S-1 after having a fight with Spanish Pedro in Trelew, Mexico over the bicycle] OK! OK! I'm not very good with children! Does that make me a Bad Santa?

Steve: [Faces Santa and keys in 23 Mimosa Avenue, Trelew into the S-1's GPS to see it it would come up with a list] You're hardly Perfect! Let me Guess! You put in the address, saw a List of Trelews, and just clicked on the First one? Just like Arthur?

Santa: [Looks at Steve] Am I?

S-1 Computer: [the Phone on the S-1's Bridge rings] North Pole Incoming!

Elf: [Steve, Santa & Mrs Santa look at the S-1's Videophone and see Arthur cycling across Trelew, England getting to Gwen's on her Twinkle Bike] Sir! The Soldiers have just shot the sleigh! But look! It's Arthur! He's still going!

Santa: Arthur?

Arthur: [In Cayo Confites, Cuba, Arthur picks up Gwen's letter that almost got burnt because Bryony accidentally put it in a fire at the beach and realizes the picture is of Santa] This Picture, This Drawing! It isn't of Dad, or You, or Steve! This is Santa! Ha-Ha! And as long as we can get the bike to Gwen before dawn, then Santa CAME! AND HE CARES! Ha-Ha!

Arthur: [the Reindeer picks up the Slipper, Arthur picks up the bike and starts singing and dancing] Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to reach Gwen Hines on Christmas Day, Wha-Hey!

[the Boat on the island has been taken away by Arthur and he has written a message in the sand where it used to sit saying "SORRY I BORROWED THIS]

Arthur: [the next scene where Arthur is rowing Grandsanta & Bryony across the Atlantic Ocean, 3000 miles to Trelew, England] Jingle Bells! This Boat Smells! Three Thousand miles to go!

Grandsanta: [Arthur, Grandsanta & Bryony are in the middle of the Atlantic] I've seen this before! Sleigh fever they call it! The Pressure of Christmas sends a man doo-lellied-tap! Santa Claus XVI of 1802! Every child that year got a sausage nailed to a piece of bark!

Bryony: [Arthur labours to row the boat across the ocean, he makes the boat jerk and soaks Bryony & Grandsanta with the oars] Arthur! Do you really think you can row the Atlantic Ocean in the next

Bryony: [Calculates the time on her HO-HO] Thirty-seven minutes?

Arthur: [Continues labouring to row across the Atlantic Ocean] It's not too late yet! We just have to keep going!

Grandsanta: We need a blunt Instrument, knock him out and then regroup

Bryony: [Bryony's HO-HO claims that they are going round in circles] You do know that we are going round in circles?

Grandsanta: Do you know? We are not the only ones! Maybe I will see Evie again!

Arthur: What do you mean?

Grandsanta: Reindeer are brave, powerful beasts, but they are also dappled creatures with twigs on their heads! They will just keep going in straight lines right around the world. They will be way up in the sky, flying at unimaginable speeds, but they'll pass right over our heads!

Arthur: Great! We CAN get the sleigh back!