Stephen D'Ambrose

Dexter: Have to eat my lunch now.

Erik: Why don't you just eat whenever you're hungry?

Dexter: 'Cause if I only ate when I was hungry, I wouldn't be here.

Dexter: There's something I have to tell you. My mom likes to call me 'Sweetie'.

Erik: Ha ha ha. "Sweetie"?

Dexter: You gotta promise not to laugh.

Linda: [At dinner] You want some more carrots, sweetie?

Erik: [as Linda goes to the kitchen; while laughing] You didn't finish all your meat loaf, love muffin.

Dexter: Would you shut up?