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Jimmy: [to himself after seeing Mr. Hammond bully a student] What a dick!
Frank Hammond: What was that? What did you say?
Jimmy: I was just saying what an inspiration you are to all of us, sir. I mean, it's really teachers like you who really make a difference.
Frank Hammond: Stand up.
[Jimmy stands up]
Frank Hammond: [to the class] Seeing that we're dissecting animals today, class, I'd like everyone to take a look at this one: James Dunn. Jimmy Dunn, or dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. Notice the brain, devoid of all intelligent thought. Capable of only a C- average, baring passing high school. The mouth, big and loud, always running with nothing to say. Note the hands, only worthy of working at a drive-through like all of the rest of you. A true loser. A nothing. A nobody. You're a born loser Jimmy Dumb, and you always will be. You may be seated.
Jimmy: Uh... Mr. Hammond, you forgot one organ. And I think you know what you can do with that! See you in detention.
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Coach Keel: Shut up and stare at the wall! This is detention, not dreamland.
Jimmy: Yes, sir.
Coach Keel: I though I told you to say nothing! So, what do you say when I tell you to say nothing? Huh?
Jimmy: Nothing.
Coach Keel: I said say nothing! You must think I'm a real idiot, don't you? Oh, so you do think I'm an idiot then? Answer me, boy!
Jimmy: Sir, you told me not to talk.
Coach Keel: Then what the hell are you talking to me right now, sissy boy? Just for that, 30 more minutes of watching the brick channel for you! All brick, all the time. You may not belive this Dunn, but I'm trying to help you. You want to do something with your life, don't you? Yes, you do. You don't want to wind up alone, Dunn. Credit card debit up the Wazoo. Nobody to talk to but your dog. Having an ex-wife who won't return your phone calls 'cause she's a bitter, fat, stinking piece of hog meat.
[Jimmy angrily glares at Coach Keel]
Coach Keel: What are you looking at? Don't you eyeball me, boy! Drop and give me 50 pushups, and count 'em off!
Stephen Caudill
Extended Reading
