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Pirate Captain: Of course, a lot of people would put MY success down to my luxuriant beard. But! Do you know what I put my BEARD'S success down to?
The Pirate King: [In a booming, concussive voice offscreen] SHOUTING?
Pirate Captain: Good guess, but actually no... Actually, it's all thanks... to this!
[Holds up a brown jug labeled "Pirate Captain's Beard Gel For Luxuriant Beards"]
Pirate Captain: Yes! Made with real bear grease, it's my famous Pirate Captain's Beard Gel!
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Receptionist: If you're a scientist, name three elements.
Pirate Captain: Elements. Well, let's see... there's gold... ham... and the tears of a mermaid.
Sophie Laughton
Extended Reading
The Pirates! Band of Misfits quotes
