Patrick Mel Hayes

Professor Turner: One of my teaching assistants and a very, very hard working woman.

[teaching assistant exits]

Professor Turner: Last night I fucked her to within an inch of her life. True story. I'm champin' her, head through the headboard, and I flip her over and she screams give me a choker. I play the choir boy and say what's that? Starwiped her five minutes later and she's bugging like an epileptic at a strobe light convention. Now I'm getting scared and as I'm working out the 911 phone call in my head she goes

[makes farting noise motioning away from mid section]

Professor Turner: like an airbag. And that was Tuesday night.