-
Zack: Okay, I just have to say this. The thing is, about Jimmy, he wasn't even that good.
Adam: I know.
Zack: Mediocre at best. And the sounds he made, God, it was like having sex with Nell. Somewhere off Greenland, humpback whales were beaching themselves.
Adam: And the ear thing. Hello, I have Q-Tips, that's really not necessary.
Zack: The only thing I will give him credit for is the oral.
Adam: What do you mean? He was terrible! At some point I just had to stop him and correct years of bad technique. I had to take him by the ears and retrain him from the throat up.
Zack: When was that?
Adam: October, maybe?
Zack: Early October. And he suddenly got so much better.
Adam: That is so disturbing. It's like you were there.
-
Zack: I have cheated on you with exactly one guy.
Adam: Ditto.
Zack: Who?
Adam: No. See, if I tell you, you will freak out and it will be drama. Bad, not-funny, Roseanne kind of drama, and I am just not up for it.
Zack: I'll tell you mine.
Adam: No.
Zack: Why not?
Adam: You can't wait to tell me, can you? You're gloating! You think yours is better than mine!
Zack: I don't!
Adam: It's Sean Connery, isn't it?
Zack: Count of three.
Adam: All right. Sure.
[pause]
Adam: Wait.
[pause]
Adam: Okay.
[they silently count three on their fingers, and then...]
Adam, Zack: [simultaneously] Jimmy in makeup.
Nikki Fritz
Extended Reading
