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Steve: Stanley Matthews was playing First Division football when he was fifty.
Paul Ashworth: I'll bet you any money you like you're not playing First Division football when you're fifty.
Steve: [looks at his cigarette] Well, no. It's the smoking.
Paul Ashworth: It's NOT the smoking, Steve. It's the crapness.
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[Paul's doorbell is buzzing during the last minute of Liverpool v. Arsenal]
Paul Ashworth: [out a window, not really seeing who it is] Will you please, please, please, please, please just fucking FUCK OFF? You have arrived during the worst sixty seconds of my life, and I really don't want to see you.
[the window slams shut. The visitor is revealed to be Sarah]
Paul Ashworth: [to Steve] Why ask? And what sort of berk would do that? You'd just about forgive an alien visitor from the planet Tharg, but even then, you'd have...
[Paul realizes what he's done and runs to the door]
Steve: Where're you going? You're mad. You might miss something.
Neil Pearson
Extended Reading
