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George Washington: Oh god. We're gonna fuck this up aren't we?
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Thomas Edison: Uh guys Gettysburg is impossibly vast. Finding this address is like finding a needle in a haystack.
George Washington: Yeah Edison's right everybody let's just give up.
Thomas Edison: That is not what I said.
George Washington: What? Dudes, look, we tried.
Thomas Edison: One thing. We literally tried one thing.
George Washington: Yeah, and it didn't work! We all got wet Edison, god! Look this isn't fun anymore.
Samuel Adams: Uh I can fix that. Let's get hammered! Then, fuck it, we hit the streets, mob rule style. Anyone we see who doesn't look like us, they see the bottoms of our boots!
Geronimo: Oh my god.
Samuel Adams: Ok fine no Indians this time ooh geez.
Thomas Edison: Oh my god I don't know how many times I have to tell you Sam, this is not India.
Geronimo: Also, you're a fucking racist.
Samuel Adams: Uh... no. Paul's the racist. He's the best horse racist in the colonies.
Paul Revere: Yeah I'm a great racist.
Geronimo: Holy shit.
Neal Holman
Extended Reading
America: The Motion Picture quotes
