Nancy Marlowe Gordon

[on a dinner table]

Elliot: You're not a boy anymore, son. You're a young man. Do you know how lucky you are this happened while you're in high school so the principal could call your mother? Because in the real world, you're in jail right now.

Joey: I didn't steal anything.

[cell phone rings]

Elliot: [answering] Hello?

Kate: Ben, would you like some more water?

Ben: Yes, please.

Elliot: [on the phone] No. No, let's just leave the way it is. I don't want to change anything at this point.

Kate: [whispering to Elliot] Can we do this later, please?

Elliot: [on the phone] Yeah. I can't talk right now. I'll call you back in half an hour.

[hangs up the phone]

Kate: Thank you.

Elliot: Where were we?

Ben: Jail.

Bartender: Are you guys new in the neighborhood?

Ben: Are you kidding? There was a famous "sip in" right here in this bar to challenge the New York State regulation that prohibited bars from serving homosexuals.

Bartender: Yeah, we have a clipping from The New York Times framed here somewhere.

Ben: 1966. Me and four other guys, we came in here accompanied by five reporters. When we were denied service, we denounced the State Liquor Authority.

Bartender: Oh my God. You're that guy?

Ben: Yeah, I was one of the guys.

Bartender: Wow. Well, this round's on me, fellas.

[Ben and George start laughing as soon as the bartender leaves]

George: You are such a liar!

Ben: What?

George: You'll do anything for a free drink!

Ben: Well, I knew the guy who thought it up.

George: Who, Frank?

Ben: Yeah. That was his claim to fame.

George: Oh, I thought his claim to fame was something entirely different.

Ben: Well, that too.

[both start laughing even harder]